The gender of your baby has much more importance than whether or not you are having a boy or a girl. In some cultures it is very important for there to be a son, and couples will try to have a son first. Some families have seconds and thirds, and want to have a boy so that they will have a fourth. Some families have an uneven number of boys and girls, so they hope to get the sex they need to even out their family.

Finding out ahead of time whether or not you are having a boy or a girl, helps the parents who are planning on doing a nursery and buying their child’s entire wardrobe prior to the birth of their baby. Newborn clothes primarily come in blue for boys and pinks for girls, with the occasional greens and purples mixed in. If you don’t know the sex it might be difficult to buy clothes as the choices for unisex clothes in greens, reds, yellows and oranges can be hard to find. Likewise there are a lot of nursery theme choices that cater to boys and girls, but fewer that can work for either sex. For the well organized parents, finding out the sex of their baby well before birth is the best way for them to plan for the arrival.

However, some parents choose to enjoy the element of surprise. They want to wait until the birth when their baby is laid on their belly where they can look between the legs and see the sex for themselves, or have the midwife or doctor announce loudly, “It’s a ….!” These parents buy the unisex clothes, although may choose to save money so that they can go on a big shopping spree after the baby is born, and only buy the clothes they will need in the first couple of weeks after birth. These parents will also choose to decorate their nursery in colors and patterns that can be utilized for either a boy or a girl baby.

There is no right or wrong answer to the question, “Do you want to know?” It is a personal choice made by each individual couple. It is often common for the answer to change several times, before that big day

Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman for the day she delivers her first baby, there are some simple suggestions that should help make this amazing experience a little bit easier.

First of all there are three very honest realities about childbirth that your doctor, mother, grandmother, and maybe even your best friend will probably not tell you.

1. Unless you have an exceptionally carefree attitude about life in general, you will be shocked if and when your water breaks.
2. Unless you have an extraordinary ability to see into the future, you will be scared to death during the first hour or so of labor.
3. Unless you have an extremely high tolerance for pain, you will feel excruciating, seemingly unending waves of pain.

These simple facts come from personal experience and are not intended to instill unnecessary fear. Each woman’s experience is different, so not all details will apply to everyone.

But if you take the time to consider options to prepare yourself for that big day, you may benefit by being as ready as anyone can possibly be for the consequences of childbirth.

Believe this much for sure, you will appreciate almost any helpful hints you can remember when you realize you’re going into labor. Most pregnant people will find the following recommendations valuable for reducing stress for you and your labor partner on the day you deliver your first baby.

1. Pack your bag to take to the hospital at least a month in advance. Nobody can positively predict your exact due date and your baby is actually the person who decides when your delivery will occur.
2. Make a checklist for what you want to take. You should definitely include: a mirror and your makeup bag (believe it or not when you’re not staring at that little miracle in your arms, you will want to look at yourself especially when the parade of visitors start marching into your hospital room); two or three nightgowns (preferably comfortable ones that provide optimal coverage of your post-pregnancy physique); a hair brush and hair dryer (every hospital has showers, soap, and towels); an outfit to wear home from the hospital (and don’t choose cute little pre-pregnancy clothes because nobody loses the weight they gained in nine months immediately after giving birth and it will only annoy you if you can’t fit into the only outfit you have to go home in)
3. Have a list of phone numbers of the people you can call anytime of the day or night for help. (Don’t even try to handle it alone – YOU WILL NEED AND WANT HELP when this exciting, emotional event begins to occur.)

There’s several signs that labor has started. Warning signals vary from woman to woman. Some people know what it is the second it hits them, while others may not recognize what’s happening for hours. Don’t expect the promises or predictions made by medical professionals or even experienced great-grandmothers to actually come true for you. In most cases some combination of destiny and mother nature determine the details of your long-awaited delivery. Some simple indicators that you’re going into labor range from a mild backache to piercing stabs of pain and vary from a feeling of general discomfort to an abrupt release of water.

Follow your instincts
If you don’t feel right, but you’re not screaming in pain, call your doctor. If something suddenly takes your breath away, makes you feel faint, breaks you down to the floor or wakes you in the middle of the night, forget the doctor, stay as calm as possible and call for whomever can come to help you the fastest.If your water does break in the stereotypical way, gushing uncontrollably all over the place, don’t freak out. Maintain your control as much as humanly possible at this point and realize you cannot stop this rushing release running like a river out of your body. You can keep putting towels between your legs to try to soak it up, but your shorts or sweatpants are still going to get wet.

Don’t worry about what other people will think about your dripping drawers when you get to the hospital. You’re about to deliver a baby -you’re not supposed to look calm, classy, elegant or graceful! Just concentrate on getting to the hospital safely. You may feel like you’re in the middle of an earthquake that will surely destroy the entire planet and assume everyone else will realize the urgency of this occasion. But they probably won’t react with any alarm because the reality is your world is the only place that has been hit by this tidal wave of emotional trauma.

What to expect when you get to the hospital…
To wait and wait some more; to fill out forms; to find yourself pacing the halls until they assign you to a room; to see other women in similar situations; to be told your doctor has been delayed; to scream at your labor partner when he forgets what to say and what not to say to try to make you feel better; to forget something on your checklist and to deal with the labor pain getting worse before it gets better.

What not to expect when you arrive at the hospital…
Everyone to accommodate you; everything to occur as you planned; any immediate results; everyone to be organized; your labor partner to be perfect; to find friendly faces among the other pregnant people; to hear your doctor tell you to start pushing your little miracle out as soon as he examines you; to get painkillers prescribed in mere minutes; and to be able to remember all the things you learned to try to prepare for this day.

Other Do’s and Don’t's:
Do try to maintain your focus.

Do try to preserve your precious energy (You will need it especially if you happen to be one of those poor souls whose pregnancy just won’t end and your labor lasts for longer than a day or two)

Don’t hesitate to tell your doctor or nurses exactly how you feel.

Don’t hesitate to ask any question that pops into your head.

Do listen to what your doctor and nurses tell you.

Do listen to what your body is saying.

Do listen to what you’re feeling in your heart.

Do listen to what your labor partner is commanding you to do.

Don’t forget how long you waited for this day to arrive and how special this date will be to you forever.

Don’t forget how much you want this little baby to arrive healthy and what a blessing this tiny person will always be to you.

And finally trust your gut instincts, your doctor’s words of wisdom, your partner’s suggestions to soothe you and your ears when you hear the sound of your baby’s first cry announcing his official arrival into this world.

The rest of this incredible experience will probably proceed with no major problems, following the same intense, phenomenal pattern of the billions of births that occurred before the day of your delivery.

Believe it or not, no matter how much the pains of labor torture your pregnant body or how many hours the process takes before your first baby actually bounces into this world – you will forget about how much your killer contractions hurt and how time seemed to standstill as your labor lasted and lasted and lasted…

Also believe your life will never be the same from this day on. Your new job as a mommy will be the most rewarding, most exhausting, and most challenging career of your life. Nothing in the universe can begin to compete with the passion, love, and wonder you’ll experience as you watch this tiny person grow and you feel like he’s really your own heart and soul with little arms and legs.

Treasure every moment of the miracle of motherhood.

There is nothing like seeing a surprised look on the mom-to-be! Surprise baby showers can involve a little extra work, a lot more secrecy, but they can also be a lot fun!

If your party goes as planned it will offer an unexpected and delightful surprise for your expectant mom. But, before you start planning consider the following:

Has the mom-to-be registered for baby gifts? If she hasn’t it will make gift purchasing much more difficult. You may need to list the help of her mother, sister or close friend to find out what she needs for the baby.

Is your expectant mom the type of person who enjoys surprises? If she isn’t you should stay away from this type of baby shower. You want this day to be special and enjoyable for your guest of honor.

Will it be difficult to enlist family and friends in keeping the secrecy? Let’s be honest, some people are better then others at keeping secrets. If you know someone close to her who tends to let secrets slip, it might not be worth the stress of trying. Some family members and guests may not support the idea of a surprise shower either.

Will arranging a cover story to ensure the mom-to-be will arrive on her special day be difficult? You would hate to go through all the trouble of planning a secret celebration only for the expectant mom to catch on to what is happening hours before the shower.

The job of planning the perfect surprise baby shower requires more than one person. You will need to enlist the help of those closest to your mom-to-be. Talk with her partner, mother, sisters and best friends. They will be able to help determine a good day and time for the surprise baby shower. As well as help get her to the shower on time, dressed appropriately, and with the least amount of suspicion.

The location of your celebration plays an important role when planning a surprise baby shower. Try to hold the party at a place the expectant mom normally visits and feels comfortable going to on a regular basis. A close family or friend’s home would be ideal. It will make creating a cover story for dropping by on the day of the party less suspicious. Remember to ask your shower guests to arrive early and park away from the house to ensure your guest of honor isn’t tipped off at the last minute.

The most often asked question is: “How do we get our expectant mom to the shower without raising suspicion?” Here are a few suggestions:

Involve her partner: Her partner could suggest a romantic evening out for the two of them before the new baby arrives. To lessen her suspicion, consider holding the shower at a public place, like a restaurant.

Plan the unexpected: Catch your expectant mom off guard by planning the shower at a non-conventional time. Such as in the morning or right after lunch.

Send a decoy: Have a close friend or family member take her to lunch on that day. While they are enjoying their meal, you can be welcoming the shower guests.

Keep in mind that you may want your expectant mom to know someone will be hosting a shower in her honor. You can keep her in the dark on the date, time and location. This way she won’t become upset thinking everyone forgot to throw her a baby shower.

About the Author:
Brenda McLean is a stay-at-home of two small children and is married to her husband Albert. Brenda is also the creator of http://www.your-baby-shower-guide.com/ A website providing in-depth information, fun ideas and useful tips to help guide you in your baby shower planning. Brenda and her family enjoy camping, watching movies and getting together with family and friends.

New Year’s Day 2004 marked a new beginning for both myself and my family. We added a brand new little member, Maggie. Margaret Kay Doran was a huge surprise for everyone. Her older sister is nine and her older brother is twelve. Big age difference!

Yes, Maggie was quite a surprise. After years of failed attempts to add a third child to our family we had resigned ourselves that our nine year old would be the last baby. One super romantic anniversary weekend at the coast changed all of that.

For me it means starting over again. Our family was a well-oiled machine. We worked like a team, knew our roles and happily relied (with rare disappointment) on each other to handle the task at hand with very little supervision.

Maggie is almost 5 months old and I’ve spent the last eight months frustrated at not being able to keep up with everyone physically. I’ve felt guilt over having someone pick up my slack. I’ve also watched proudly as my children and husband stepped in, without being asked, to assist wherever necessary.

When I’m out and about people often ask if this is my first child and usually compliment me on how relaxed I appear with her. Then they find out that I have two others and realize that I’m somewhat of an “old hand” at this. The next observation is usually the children’s ages. I find that anytime someone realizes the age difference between my children I usually get the same remarks,

“Wow, bet that was a shock!”

“Well, at least you have TONS of help!”

The remarks may vary but they are usually in one of those two categories.

The older kids are a huge help, no doubt about it. But, when they aren’t… mom and dad both are exhausted from the constant reorganizing and planning it takes to get three and half kids out of the house whenever there are errands or simple shuttling to and from school.

Just this morning I found myself soaked in spit-up standing in the kitchen, baby on one hip coffee cup in the other hand, arguing with my daughter over what pants she would wear today (the pair she had chosen were too wrinkled) and convincing my son that although he felt nauseous he could probably try to make it to school. Ten minutes later we were finally loaded into the car, already late, the baby gurgling and cooing in her carrier oblivious to any other drama in the vehicle. My son looked doubtful as I assured him he’d be fine and if he wasn’t I’d happily (yeah, right) come get him. It was about that time my daughter’s nose started to bleed and I found myself grasping for the Kleenex while wondering why traffic had come to a screeching halt. As if things couldn’t get any worse, what looked like a mile long train was creeping along the track in front of us.

The good news is that everyone made it school safely. The baby drifted off to sleep and I was able to make it to the mall to “power” walk for an hour with my mom.

I’ve learned over the last five months that nine years means feeling like you are starting all over again. I now understand why my mom is so patient and relaxed with my brother who is fifteen years younger than me and 12 years younger than my sister. It’s partially the fact that she’s and “old hand” at it, partially because when you get to start over you get the gift of really enjoying each new baby stage without the apprehension. Mostly it’s because through all the trials and tribulations of the first 9+ years and the work it takes to bring the new addition on to the scene, you are just too whipped to fight it anymore. That’s also when you realize that your “worry” and “apprehension” with the original new task of being a parent was really just that, a fight. At some point we all make things harder on ourselves than they need to be.

I never want to get into the debate on who has it worse, moms who work outside the home or the moms who work INSIDE the home. Both take a lot of effort and for a mom neither is easy. I’ve done both, personally, I’ve found working inside the home to be more rewarding.

No doubt, some mothers have had it worse, some better. That being said, I’m beginning to have a whole new understanding of the following quote:

“By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class.”
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

The funny thing is – it doesn’t matter whether you work outside the home or not, as long as you are a mom you are always on duty. Well, I suppose the only exception are the Hollywood types who can afford to have a nanny. But, look at how much they are missing!

About the Author
Amy Doran is an Ezine Publisher, and Full time Mom! She started Home-Based-Parents and the APPP Ezine in early 2000. Subscribe to the APPP Ezine at: www.home-based-parents.com © 2000-2004 Amy N. Doran All Rights Reserved This article may be published in web based or email form as long as this credit box Is attached. It may not be altered or edited in any way.