If you’re like many adults, the last time you wrote a thank you card may have been after your wedding. Now here you are, pregnant, hormonal and so big you’re about to pop, and you have a large list of baby shower attendees and gift-givers to thank.

This is only the start—you’ll receive presents after the baby is born, too. From there, it doesn’t end: baptism, birthdays, holidays. I do believe in sending thank you notes for every occasion and teaching children to do the same from a young age.

My nephews send thank you notes to us without fail for every occasion that we give them a gift, and those cards receive places of honor on our refrigerator. It’s been fun to watch them evolve from notes written by their mom, to the simple words “thank you” in big blocky letters they wrote themselves as kindergarteners, to the personalized, heartfelt notes they now send as young adults.

Thank yous are important, but I digress. Some etiquette experts say you have as long as six months after an event to send thank you notes. The rule of thumb I’ve always adhered to is two months. Unless you have 1,000 people at your gala event, there’s really no reason to take six months to send a thank you note.

But do yourself a favor and get those baby shower thank you notes out as soon as possible, so you don’t create a backlog and find yourself with a long list of cards to write and a crying infant in the other room. If at all possible, get your shower “thank yous” out before the baby is born.

It all begins with the list. If you send Christmas cards every year, you probably already have all your important family addresses well-organized. If not, you may have put together an address list for your shower—or whoever hosted the shower did it for you, in secrecy. Get that list! It will make your life so much easier and keep you from having to re-invent the wheel.

Our article about Baby Shower Ideas recommends having each guest fill in their own name and address on thank you card envelopes as they leave, which is certainly a great idea if the host of the shower thinks to provide thank you cards for the mom-to-be in advance. (And what a thoughtful idea!)

With your address list in hand, you’ll also need the list of gifts you received and who gave them to you. Hopefully, one of your friends at the shower wrote all this information down as you opened presents and everyone ooh-ed and ahh-ed over the adorable onesies and baby blankets.

And, of course, you need thank you cards! For round-two of gift-giving, after the baby is born, you may want to have cards printed with the baby’s picture on it or simply include a wallet-size photo with the card. If the baby isn’t born yet, it might be fun to include a sonogram picture (especially if you have one from a 3D sonogram), but there are also a wide variety of adorable thank you cards to choose from with no baby pictures required, online or at your local store.

Some Web sites and even drug stores will allow you to include your own special message pre-printed on the cards, but this is not enough! Each card should include a personalized, handwritten message, too, along with the gift-giver’s name, and your personal, handwritten signature. Visit the Tiny Prints Store for a great selection of Thank You Cards that you personalize or buy as-is!

The writing… for many people, that’s the hard part. What do you say? The important thing is to be heartfelt and personal. Mention the gift by name, and possibly even the way it will be used or something you especially like about it. “Thank you so much for the adorable outfit. It is my favorite color, and Ashley will be wearing it when we come home from the hospital together!”

If you know the baby’s name, it’s fine to use it, even if the baby isn’t born yet. Don’t forget to sign the card from both yourself and your husband, even if the shower was thrown in your honor. If you feel weird signing a card from an unborn baby, you can definitely skip that, but some mothers think it’s a cute touch.

In addition to commenting personally and positively on the gift, be sure to thank the person for attending the celebration, as well. Let them know you appreciated their presence, not just their present!

What if a gift is positively awful and you plan on heading right back to the store to make an exchange? (Or they didn’t check your registry and you received a duplicate.) Find something nice to say, but don’t be phony. Let the person know you appreciate the thoughtful gift, and emphasize how nice it was to see them at the shower. If you received two of the same item, comment on each as if it were the only one you received; the gift-giver doesn’t have to know whose Diaper Genie went back to the store and which one is sitting in the nursery right now.

Finally, be sure to send an extra special card, and maybe even a small gift, such as a box of chocolates or a scented candle, to the host or hosts of the shower. Let them know you appreciate how much work goes into planning such an event, and how much it meant to you. Don’t forget to thank them for their gift, as well!

Writing thank you cards is not difficult or scary and, in fact, it should give you a warm feeling inside, as you reminisce about the good times you had at your shower and all the love (and presents) you received! You don’t have to be Shakespeare or Miss Manners to write a good thank you card. Take time to truly appreciate the thought, expense, attention and care that went into each gift, and this gratitude will be reflected in every word you write.

When you are preparing for labor and the impending birth of your baby, you might have thought of all the details – your hospital bag, your birth plan, and a gift for your other child/children. But have you thought about a gift for daddy? It is common for the new dad to give the new mom a gift, either flowers, jewellery, or another trinket that has meaning, but it is not as common for the mother to give a gift to the father of her child.

What types of things could you give the new dad? A lot of that depends on what the new father is interested in. If he smokes cigars, a box of his favorite brand might be appropriate. If there is a good brandy or whiskey that he likes, that you don’t buy often because of money, buying him a bottle would be a nice gift for your partner.

You can get a gift from the baby to give to the new daddy. Get a gown or outfit that says, “I love my daddy”, or “Daddy’s Girl/Boy”. Put this outfit on your baby as a surprise when the father is out of the hospital room so that he comes back to see the change. Ties are normally given as gifts for Father’s Day, but you could always find a tie for a new father, or have one made to give to the father from his new son or daughter.

You can always go a little bigger and give a gift of a certificate to a golf course so that your partner can get away for a day, or even tickets to game played by his favorite sports team. He might also appreciate a gift certificate to his favorite restaurant so that you can go celebrate the birth of your newborn once you get out of the hospital.

The ideas for a gift for your partner are endless. No matter your budget you will likely be able to find something special that your partner will love and appreciate, especially knowing that it is from you and the new baby that you share. When choosing a gift, just remember to make it personal and think of what your partner would enjoy and appreciate the most.

by Elizabeth Pantley

Getting kids to do the things that demonstrate good manners isn’t always easy or fun. But having good manners will help your child have better friendships, happier family relationships, and an easier time adjusting to the nuances of our society. No child is born with good manners. Manners are definitely something that need to be taught. Over time, and with practice, your child will naturally begin to repeat the things she has been taught from a young age.

One of the social graces that is often overlooked is writing of the Thank You Note. It is so important that children learn from a young age that it is appropriate to write a thank you note anytime they receive a gift, or anytime they have been a guest at someone’s home.

Children will learn what they are taught, and here are some ways to begin the habit of writing thank you notes.

Get the motion going:
Soon after your child receives a gift, sit down with her and help her compose and write a thank you note. Put the paper in front of her, hand her a pen or crayon and suggest an opening line, “Let’s write Grandma’s thank you note. Maybe you want to say . . . “

Take advantage of their computer skills:
Have your child compose thank-you notes on the computer. Most kids enjoy working on the computer and are comfortable with it. Created with care, a computer-generated note, with an added personal comment, is an acceptable way for kids to show their appreciation.

Make it fun:
Thank you notes don’t have to be boring! A child can be encouraged to get creative: a collage, a photo, a drawing – there are many fun ways of getting the point across. What’s most important is that the giver feels acknowledged.

Thank You Note first/Play second! Create a new family rule:
You may only play with a gift after the thank you note has been written. This will get the job done quicker than anything else!

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.