by Elizabeth Pantley author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007)

From the time your baby is born until the time your child leaves home for college or wherever the future leads, the two of you may have over 100,000 hours to interact and connect. It would be absolutely, utterly impossible for all of those 100,000 hours to be blissfully happy and precisely choreographed. There will be plenty of rough spots, uncalled-for anger, and mistakes – both on your part and your child’s. To even attempt perfection would be ludicrous and stress invoking, yet most of us parents criticize ourselves unnecessarily over every negative situation.

Raising a child requires that we make many decisions every single day, from the insignificant to the life-altering. Sometimes it is obvious that you have made the right decision, other times it is unclear, and from time to time it’s apparent that you have made a mistake. Nearly every mistake that you make as a parent has been made by a multitude of parents in history. Small mistakes are unavoidable in parenting, and they rarely leave a lifelong impact. They are just human beings living everyday life.

The big picture is more important than any one action.
What is more important than any single decision or action is your overall philosophy and approach to raising your child. When love is your foundation, parenting skills are your structure, and your goal is to raise your child to be a good human being, with whom you can have a pleasant lifelong relationship, then it is likely things will turn out as you hope.

What really matters?
What matters most to you in the long run? Take some time to contemplate your most important goals for your children and for your family. Determine which values you will use to guide your decisions towards your goals. Make an effort to learn good parenting skills and use them on a daily basis. And then, take a deep breath and forgive yourself and your children for the mistakes that inevitably will happen along the way.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of No Cry Sleep Solution

A good way to encourage good sleep is to get familiar with your baby’s sleepy signals, and put her down to sleep as soon as she seems tired. A baby cannot put herself to sleep, nor can she understand her own sleepy signs.

A baby who is encouraged to stay awake when her body is craving sleep is typically an unhappy, fussy baby. Over time, the pattern develops into sleep deprivation, which further complicates and interferes with your baby’s developing sleep maturity.

Pia, mother of eight-month-old Carrson talks about this problem, “I discovered that I had been putting Carrson to bed purely by the clock, not at all by his tiredness. Once I changed this dynamic and began identifying his sleepy signals he fell asleep easier and slept longer.”

Watch the clock, too!
Most newborns can only handle one or two hours of wakefulness at a time. A three-month-old gets tired after two to three hours of awake time. A one-year-old can be cheerful for about three to four hours, and a two-year-old about five to six hours. Once your child has passed his happy wakefulness stage he’ll quickly become overtired. He’ll then be easily overstimulated and find it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Find that magic moment
Using the clock as a guide, and your child’s sleepy signals as indicators, you can find the magic moment when your baby is tired, but not overtired. When you witness those signs it’s a quick but calm trip right to bed – don’t launch into a prolonged pre-bed routine since your child may then get a second wind!

Typical sleepy signals
Every child is unique and has his own sleepy signs, and you can watch and learn these. Your child may demonstrate one or more of these signs that tell you he is tired and ready to sleep – now:

• reducing his level of movement and activity
• becoming more quiet
• losing interest in people , toys and playtime
• rubbing his eyes
• looking glazed or unfocused
• having a more relaxed jaw, chin and mouth (droopy looking)
• becoming whiny and cranky
• fussing or crying
• losing patience or having tantrums
• yawning
• lying down or slumping in his seat
• watching television or a movie with a blank expression
• caressing a lovey or blanket
• asking for a pacifier, bottle or to nurse

Your child may demonstrate one or two of these sleepy signs, or even something entirely different. The signs may change at each stage of development. The key is to watch your child and encourage him to go to sleep when he is tired.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from No Cry Sleep Solution (McGraw-Hill) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

Is a pregnancy nine months or ten months long? This is a popular pregnancy debate with many women across message boards and in pregnancy communities today. Most people know that a pregnancy consists of the first, second and third trimester. The definition of a trimester is “A period or term of three months”. If this is the case, why do so many people consider themselves pregnant for ten months?The answer is simple, even if not actually correct. Pregnancies are considered full term at 40 weeks, and many women count four weeks as a month while they are pregnant, making the result a ten month pregnancy. On average there are actually 4.33 weeks in a month, however that a third of a week tends to get lost in the pregnancy shuffle for much of us.

Many women also find it easier, when asked how pregnant they are, to answer in weeks instead of months, because pregnancy is generally a count down. “I am 24 weeks, only 16 weeks to go!” The most general deduction by a bystander would be that the woman is already six months pregnant, when in actuality, per the Gregorian calendar that most of the world lives by, she is only about five and a half months pregnant.

Women who consider themselves 10 months pregnant usually use this form of calculations:

For those that live by the Lunar calendar, this not only makes sense, but is absolutely correct. The Lunar calendar, which is the four weeks it takes for the moon to go from a new moon, to a full moon and back again, would make a pregnancy last for ten months.

For those that live by the Gregorian calendar, and counting by the date you started your last period (let’s say October 15), you would not be one full month pregnant until November 15 and the calculations generally look like this:

However, neither of these calculations is exactly accurate. The most common way to figure out your due date, including the way that most doctors calculate it, is to add nine months and seven days to the start date of your last menstrual period, which would actually be a week before you would have ovulated with a 28-day cycle. Therefore, if you started your LMP on October 15, you due date would be calculated as July 22, not July 15.

This would make your due date of July 22 be at 40 weeks exactly, or nine months and one week after you started your LMP. This being said, why would someone CHOOSE to be pregnant for ten months?

Another way to look at it is if you consider a pregnancy of 40 weeks to be ten months, and that a year has 52 weeks in it – which you also count four weeks as one month – wouldn’t this mean that your baby would be 13 months old before he turned a year, and you could celebrate his first birthday?

by Lee-Anne Robert

After 42 weeks of pregnancy, two days of undergoing inducement and physical stress on the baby, my daughter was delivered via an emergency C-section. Oh, it was music to my ears when my gynecologist arrived in my hospital room at 4:30 a.m. and told me they were going to do an emergency C-section. I must have been in shock or delirious! However, after going through a traumatic two days, I had had enough and I wanted to meet this precious baby who lived inside of me for 9+ months. The time came and I was wheeled to the operating room, and what a blessed event it was to see my sweet new baby girl!

I wasn’t prepared for the aftermath of a C-Section but I am so grateful that I had a great family who were there for me and helped me every step of the way.

1. Plan ahead. No one can predict whether or not you’ll need an emergency c-section. So prepare yourself with information.
2. Try not to be upset if you are told you have to undergo a C-section to deliver your baby. I know that many new parents are less than thrilled at the prospect and have anticipated a natural delivery. Plenty of women feel put down and feel less like a woman because they did not deliver their baby through the hard work of labour. I know it is emotionally hard. Truly, the main concern is you and your baby’s health and that is more important than how you delivered your baby.
3. Expect a brief hospital stay. My daughter and I were in the hospital for four days after the birth. If you require assistance at any time in caring for you or your baby, are uncomfortable due to the pain, or have any questions, do not be afraid to ask for help. There were times when I was too proud to press the buzzer to ask for assistance. But, believe me, their assistance is very much required, especially with the care of your newborn baby.
4. When the time comes and the nurses and/or doctors tell you to walk around, do try. It may be difficult but do try to do a little walking if and when possible. It helps to alleviate the stomach gases that are very much a part of the discomfort you feel after a C-section.
5. The day arrives when you and your newborn can finally go home. Enlist support! Ensure that you have family, friends or loved ones to assist you and, once again, do not be afraid to ask for help. Do not try to be supermom! I was fortunate to have a supportive family at home and could not imagine going through the recovery without them. It will take you 6 weeks to fully recuperate from a C-section, afterall, it is major surgery.
6. Do not pick up heavy items. Remember, you have just had surgery and your incision is in the healing process.
7. Ensure that you eat healthy and drink lots of water. This is important to ensure that your digestive systems returns to normal. Plenty of rest is vital for recuperation. Enjoy this period of relaxation because you have many years of motherhood to go!
8. Enjoy this special time with your new baby!

I survived my first C-section and 18 months after the birth of my daughter, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy via a scheduled C-section. The second C-section was easier. I am grateful to have two healthy children who are the joy of my life, irregardless of how I delivered them.

About The Author
Lee-Anne Robert, proud mother of two healthy young children and owner of Cuddles ‘n Gifts,
Copyright 2004 info@cuddlesngifts.net

by Beth Butler

Remember high school? You could choose French or Spanish. What you couldn’t choose was to be the right age to learn a new language easily. You memorized verbs, but you probably didn’t learn to speak fluently.

Today, enlightened school systems know better. Second languages are introduced in elementary school. Little kids do learn more easily than high school students.

But current research says to really do it right, start even earlier. Start when the child is learning a first language. Babies have an astonishing ability to absorb. And in today’s complex world, a second language is not a luxury – it’s a necessity.

We know now that studying a second language offers surprising benefits to children. Research has demonstrated improved ability to communicate, better cognitive development, richer cultural awareness and, ultimately, better job opportunities for those who know a second language.

What’s more, today’s children will all be required to have command of two languages by the time they reach college.

Research suggests that from birth through age 10 is the best time to introduce new languages to a young child. The child will learn the language faster, retain it better and most often speak it with near-native pronunciation. Recent research indicates a young child up through age 5 can learn and process up to five languages!

Many parents deliberate over how to bring a new language into their little one’s life. Many experts agree the bilingual approach for the very young child is best. Teach the new language alongside the native language. It’s as easy as pointing to a cat and saying “cat” then following with “gato.”

This bilingual method provides continuing education in the child’s native tongue while acquiring skills in the new one. Language experts agree the strong sense of pride, higher self-esteem and long term retention are all reasons to introduce the new language with this bilingual/dual-language approach.

Today’s parents know the importance of being bilingual. Now they just need to know where to turn for assistance in finding fun and affordable bilingual products that will bring the target language into their child’s life. The internet has made their search much easier than five years ago. Look for bilingual programs that allow you to sample their visual or audio products on line so that you get a good feel for the content and style of the language learning within that particular program.

Remember to make it fun! Remember to start early! There is a reason Time and Newsweek both ran feature articles on the “window of opportunity” to learn a new language is between birth and age 10. The experts agree, the earlier the better. Don’t miss out on the prime time of your child’s development to provide your child with a lifetime of language skills.

About the Author
(c) 2005 – All Rights Reserved. Beth Butler is the creator of the BOCA BETH Program – a bilingual educational program geared towards helping young children get a head start on becoming bilingual. She motivates and assists educators in developing a bilingual environment for children, and she has developed a program that makes bilingual education a fun and easy part of the normal, child-raising routine for today’s parents. For more information, visit www.bocabeth.com.

By Candice Silsby

We are all overwhelmed by constant advertising. Parents are likely overwhelmed by all the challenges of being parents. I was an early childhood teacher for six years and I have been a children’s entertainer for over eight years. When I browse through K-*rt and the like, I think “landfill waste” and crying children.

I hear over and over again, “she has so many toys” While I love the idea of moderation and know that this culture has way too many possessions, I am concerned about the quality of the toys children have and how carefully they were selected.

A close friend of mine is constantly says “no” to her children when we are shopping- perfect strangers comment to me about how good she is at saying no to her kids as if they have never heard a parent do so. She refuses to buy them cheap junk that they beg for…I suppose they are attracted to the bright colors or the anticipation of the plastic ball coming out of the gum ball machine.

I say value is everything. Selecting a toy should be a careful process- not one motivated by “mommy I want…” Play is so important to child development. Shouldn’t the toys they play with be an educational investment?

These are my personal pointers: 1) What will the toy teach my child? This answer should be obvious and there should be more then one answer.

2) How safe is this toy?

3) *** this one is so very important in the electronic age- Is it an active toy for a passive child or a passive toy for an active child. I am sorry to say that too many are active toys for passive children which is not only lacking in educational benefit, but also encouraging children to be passive therefore uninvolved, anti-social and inactive.

4) How long will this toy last? What is the guaranteed offered by the company selling the toy? Believe it or not Discovery Toys has a lifetime guarantee on all toys.

5) How long will my child make use of and learn from this toy? Does the toy grow with my child or does the child grow out of the toy? Remember if there is a lifetime guarantee younger siblings will also enjoy your toy investment.

About the Author
Candice Silsby has an extensive background in Early Childhood Education and Human Dev elopement. She have six years experience working with young children as a pre-school teacher and caregiver for children under 3. She worked with special ed children for two years. She has eight years experience as a child entertainer and currently has her own business doing puppet shows for children. She is a Discovery Toys Educational Consultant because the toys are educational and developmentally appropriate. These toys meet the high scrutiny of her Developmental Education background. Discovery Toys improve the quality of life for children and families therefore the world.

By Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, PhD, Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, PhD, and Diane Eyer, PhD

How can we help children blossom socially and emotionally? Read on for some specific tips.

Look for opportunities to discuss other people’s feelings
By explaining how other people would feel if a particular act occurred, you teach your child to take the perspective of others. “If you hit Irving over the head with that truck, he will probably feel very bad and cry. Do you want that to happen?”

Creating a sensitive human being takes work! It often seems a lot easier to just stop vexing and dangerous toddler behavior without explaining what consequences would follow and why, and how someone would feel as a result. Of course, tomorrow someone will probably come out with a video that claims to teach your child how to work and play well with others. But that product would be a drop in the bucket compared with the power that comes from ongoing human relationships where both mind and heart are learning together. What fills the bucket is the interaction children and adults experience: a product of basic social need.

Watch your language
One way to bring up the perspectives of others is to ask your child about the characters in the stories you read together. Ask questions such as “How do you think this person (the character) feels? How would you feel if you were this person? What do you think the person’s friends could do to help him to feel better?”

In fact, many of the current social and emotional programs that teach children about how to be a good person use games in which children adopt different perspectives. One example is the Interpersonal Cognitive Problem Solving program for elementary school children, which was developed by Professor Myrna Shure of Drexel University in Philadelphia. After the adult shows the children pictures of scenes or verbally describes scenarios such as a fight in school or a moment of frustration, the children are asked, “How do you think this person felt in the story? How might you feel if you were that person? How would you want others to react to you?” At Pennsylvania State University, Professor Mark Greenberg created another program of this type called PATHS (Promoting Alternative Thinking Strategies) that helps children talk about their feelings. These programs have been maximally effective in reducing aggressive behavior and are training children on how to understand others’ minds. They are now used widely in school programs.

Explain to your child that there are causes for people’s feelings
Research by Professor Judy Dunn and her colleagues at Pennsylvania State University examined the conversations that fifty 33-month-old children had in their homes with their mothers about feelings and about what causes them. For example, a mother might say, “You broke my glass (the cause) and that makes me sad (the outcome).” Such conversations were just what Professor Dunn and her colleagues looked for in the parent-child dialogues.

She found that at 40 months, children differed widely in their appreciation of emotions and other minds. The results of this study tell us that talk about emotions and what causes emotions impacts children’s developing theory of mind. Hearing an explanation for others’ behavior does at least two things. It may help stunt the natural anger that arises when you are thwarted so you can respond more constructively. It may also help you look for such mitigating explanations on your own in future altercations. And these differences, in turn, will influence how well children interact with their peers and teachers.

Stop bullying in its tracks
The extreme example of children who are not thinking of the welfare of others is the bully. If your child is frequently the target of bullies, it may be a sign that she is less socially competent and, therefore, has fewer friends and is seen as vulnerable. It turns out that children who are more socially competent and who have more friends are less likely to be bullied.

Researchers have determined that both the bullies and the bullied tend to have certain typical characteristics: The majority of victims, for instance, reinforce bullies by giving in to their demands, crying, assuming defensive postures, and failing to fight back. Victims tend to have a history of overly intrusive parenting, with parents who are controlling and overprotective. These parenting behaviors prompt anxiety, low self-esteem, and dependency, which combine to radiate vulnerability. Bullies often bank on their victim’s dependency and vulnerability; they know the other child won’t fight back. This makes the bully feel powerful. Of course, bullies have their own social deficits. They tend to come from families where there is little warmth or affection. The families also report trouble sharing their feelings. Sometimes parents of bullies have very punitive and rigid discipline styles. Finally, bullies feel less discomfort than average children at the thought of causing pain and suffering.

So what can be done for bullies and their victims? Preschools and kindergartens where peer socialization is integrated into the curriculum are good places to start helping them. Anxious, withdrawn children will benefit greatly from developing just one good friendship. And even when they have conflicts with their peers (yes, conflict is inevitable), they’ll be learning valuable lessons in how to interpret social cues accurately. But in addition to the teaching of social skills at school, it’s also important to evaluate the relationship you have with your child, especially if you suspect that he’s a bully. Remember: Bullies tend to come from families where there’s a lack of affection or little sharing of feelings. Take the time to ask your child how he’s feeling and to really listen to his answer. When he expresses anger or rage, work with him to help him regulate his negative emotions and find peaceful ways to resolve them. Finally, when he talks about problems he’s having with his peers, brainstorm with him to come up with skillful ways he could resolve them.

Finally, children who are not bullies or victims have a powerful role to play in shaping the behavior of other children. Teach your children to speak up on behalf of children being bullied. “Don’t treat her that way; it’s not nice.” “Hitting is not a good way to solve problems. Let’s find a teacher and talk about what happened.” For more examples and role-play situations, check out Sherryll Kraizer’s The Safe Child Book.

Make space for social time
Children sometimes just need to hang out with others or to be by themselves. It might seem as if they are doing “nothing,” but there’s a lot to learn from unscheduled time on their own or with other children. Children need to be able to be spontaneous — to be able to just goof off! Creating playdates for our children helps them diversify their social world and develop additional social tools for dealing with a greater variety of social challenges. And social interactions give you opportunities for discussing emotional situations and others’ perspectives. This cannot be obtained on the fly, in the car between activities, but only from real social interaction that you are present to observe and comment on and coach as the occasion arises.

If your child is in child care or preschool, be sure to build strong connections with your child’s caregiver or teacher
You want your child’s emotions taken seriously when he is not with you, too, and you want that emotional coaching going on whenever a conflict comes up. If you talk with the caregiver on a daily basis about how your child is doing and ask questions about how he gets along with his peers and how disagreements are handled, you’ll have a better sense of whether emotional coaching and mentoring is going on. Get in the habit of building strong ties to the people whom your child spends time with just as it makes a difference when children get consistent messages from their parents, it’s important that the messages they receive from their child care providers are consistent as well.

While there are many things we can do to foster social development, here are some general suggestions for helping your children to tune in to their own feelings.

Avoid ignoring or belittling your child’s feelings
Although often you’d wish such moments would just go away, times of emotional upset can be understood as key opportunities for teaching children how to avoid or resolve such situations, while also taking the feelings of others into consideration. View these times as opportunities to teach your children how to make lemonade out of lemons, while still allowing them to experience their feelings of hurt or disappointment. A versatile recipe for lemonade will be very useful for dealing with life’s inevitable frustrations.

Try to see the world through your children’s eyes
Once you do, you’ll recognize that the things that cause our children pain are often different from the things that cause us, as adults, pain. You don’t want to treat your children any differently than you would want to be treated when you express your emotions. How would you feel if you confided in a friend about something that bothered you and she made fun of you and laughed? Make a point of teaching your child that it’s okay to show negative emotion, such as sadness or fear. Likewise, try to demonstrate positive ways of coping with your own anger and negative feelings. Remember: Your children are watching you for lessons on regulating their emotions.

The bottom line is to talk to your children and invite them to talk to you. The more you try to understand how they feel and help them understand how an event happened, the more coping skills your child will develop. And, as we have documented, social skills are essential for doing well, both in school and in life.

Reprinted from: Einstein Never Used Flash Cards: How Our Children Really Learn — And Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D., and Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D., with Diane Eyer, Ph.D. © 2003 by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D., and Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D.

About the Authors
Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D., is a member of the psychology department at Temple University, where she directs the Infant Language Laboratory and participated in one of the nation’s largest studies of the effects of child care. The mother of three sons, she also composes and performs children’s music. Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D., is the H. Rodney Sharp Professor in the School of Education at the University of Delaware, where she holds a joint appointment with the departments of linguistics and psychology and directs the Infant Language Project. She has also been a recipient of the John Simon Guggenheim Memorial Fellowship and is the mother of a son and a daughter. Together, the authors were featured on the PBS Human Language series and are the authors of How Babies Talk. Diane Eyer, Ph.D., is a member of the psychology department at Temple University and author of Motherguilt and Mother-Infant Bonding.

For more information, please visitwww.writtenvoices.com.

By Kathryn Sansone

It’s easy for parents today to get swept up in their children’s lives. From the minute we take them home, put on their first diapers, and give them their first bottles, we begin trying our best to fulfill all of our children’s needs and demands. Get some tips for reconnecting and romance from Kathryn Sansone, who’s mom to 10 kids as well as the author of Woman First, Family Always: Real-Life Wisdom from a Mother of Ten.

While I am a firm believer in being a thoughtful, committed parent, I also know that if couples don’t put their relationship first (most of the time), then no amount of devotion to their kids will keep their relationship alive.

That said, I also realize that it’s not easy to keep a healthy balance between thinking of ourselves as both partners and as parents. How do we achieve the right balance that makes us feel that we are doing a good job as parents without losing sight of the reason you became a family in the first place?

Carve out time
Despite so many kids, so many demands, and so much enjoyment we get from our kids, Jim and I always carve out time for just the two of us. It’s not always easy, but we don’t waste time trying to figure out if we deserve it.

One night last summer we did just that. It was a Friday and I had been with the kids all week. I was exhausted and had spent all my energy reserves. As usual the kids had a swim meet and Jim and I had planned to meet there to watch them race. When he arrived from the office, we took one look at each other and knew we needed to create time for just the two of us. At the end of the swim meet, we took the kids to McDonald’s (not something we regularly do) and then home. Once they were showered, in their pajamas, and set for bed, we headed out the door, leaving the older kids to babysit.

We didn’t deliberate over whether the kids were okay — we knew they were safe and sound. And we also knew it was just as important for us to have time alone. We had a lovely — albeit short — dinner out and enjoyed every minute of it.

The best gift you can give your children is a loving relationship with your spouse. When children know — and witness — their parents putting aside time for each other, kids understand that their parents are committed to each other. They also know that their parents love each other. In turn this love between their parents makes kids feel safe, enabling them to grow unhindered, following their own unique destinies.

On the other hand when children are always put first or experience rancor between their parents, constant fighting, verbal violence, or a lack of trust, then children question the very root of their foundation. Such a lack of safety breeds internal chaos and insecurity — two obstacles to healthy self-esteem and confidence. Show your love
For both your children’s sake and your own, it’s important to put energy into your primary relationship. Show your love toward him in front of your kids. Take time to be alone with your spouse. Your kids couldn’t have a better gift than to know their parents love and respect each other and like to spend time with each other.

Consider these ways to reconnect with your spouse:

by Kimberly Hargis

Creating and making special memories with your child is very important, especially for your child’s development.

Special memories also help build a relationship with your child that will last a lifetime. Moms often do not have the money they would like to spend to do things with their children.

With that in mind, I have put together activities I used to do with my son (who is now 17 and still remembers doing these activates with me). Some activities are also from when I did babysitting at home.

Inexpensive Activities You Can Do With Your Child

Remember Air Hockey?
Some arcades still have Air Hockey Games, which are cheaper to play than the new video-interactive games, but they do not have a time out. If you can find one, suggest that you can score the most goals, and challenge your son or daughter to a game. If you have a young child, make sure that you hit the puck so that stops before the goal line—this will allow your child to successfully defend his goal and hit it back toward you.

The game can go on for a very long time, and you can have a lot of fun with “near misses” and “good saves” and “SCORE!” When my son was an 8-year-old, I could make an air hockey game that cost 50 cents last for an hour. You are probably thinking, “My child will want to play the other games, too!” I used to tell my son that after we play Air Hockey that he could then play two games of his choice. This worked well and I could get several hours of quality time with my son for under $5.00.

Shaving Cream can be Fun!
Get a bottle of shaving cream and spray shaving cream on the kitchen table or other smooth surface (please test this first by putting a little shaving cream on a corner of the table to make sure it will not discolor the furniture!). You and your child can draw in the foam or make a snowman, etc., out of the foam for as long as the foam lasts.

Be sure to wear clothes that can be tossed in the laundry for a quick rinse! After the shaving cream starts to dissolve all you need to do a wipe down the table for a quick clean up. I loved doing this because there is no real mess; it leaves a pleasant smell in your home (and believe it or not does a great job cleaning your furniture). Your child will also think it is so cool that you are allowing them to play with shaving cream. It is almost as if you are letting them do something mischievous.

Supplies List:

• Shaving Cream
• Wet cloth to wipe up with
• Paint Walk

Buy a roll of fax paper or any cheap paper you can find in a roll, and a container of washable finger paint. Dress your child in painting clothes. Lay out unfolded sheets of newspaper just to be safe and then roll out a very long strip of paper (about 10 feet or more if you like) on top of the newspaper. Place a baking pan with paint in it at one end of the roll of paper and a baking pan with water in it at the other.

Take off your child’s shoes. Your child can then step in the paint and then the walk or dance on the paper ending by stepping in the water that the end of the roll of paper. Dry their feet. Tape the paper on the wall and allow to dry.

These footprints are also great Christmas gifts for Grandparents. I used to do this at Christmas with the children for whom I babysat or in a day care center where I worked so the children could give them to their parents for a Christmas present. The children were so amazed I let them step in paint that they behaved very well. This fun activity works best on a hard floor surface.

Supplies needed:

• A roll of fax paper or any type of cheap paper on a roll.
• Washable finger-paint, any color.
• Old clothes for your child to wear.
• Tape to use to hang the paper to dry
• Painting Sheets

When the weather is nice go to garage sales and buy a cheap white sheet that fits your child’s bed. (New sheet or colored sheets will work, just that garage sale sheets are cheaper.) Wash sheet and then hang on the line. At a craft store buy paint that will NOT wash out and is non-toxic. Dress your child in painting clothes. Give your child a paintbrush and allow him or her to paint on the sheet freely. After the sheet has dried, rewash and dry it. The child will love having sheets they painted themselves to sleep on at night. And Mom, you can paint, too!

Years from now your child will remember the day he or she painted sheets with Mommy (and here’s a sentimental idea: save the painted sheets for when your child has his or her first child, include the painted sheet in a shower gift for the mother-to-be!)

A few tips:

• Do not allow the child to paint heavily on the sheet or it will be scratchy after it is washed.
• When rewashing the sheet let them soak in fabric softener to help soften the sheet.

Different uses for the painted sheets:
If you do not like the idea of the child sleeping on a painted sheet, you can hang the sheet over a table for a playhouse. Mark on the sheet what each side of the sheet will be in terms of front, back, side, side, and top. Then lay the sheet out and let the child paint doors, windows, flowerbeds, etc., to make a playhouse cover (or a fort, or fire station, or barn, or a fairy princess castle). Then when the child wants a playhouse simply set up the table and cover with the sheet. Remember it does not matter if the flowers look like flowers. All that matters is what the child sees flowers where the glob of paint is.

Supplies needed:

• Sheet to fit your child’s bed or over table depending on how you choose to use it.
• Paint that will NOT wash out and is non-toxic.
• Paint brush.
• Hopscotch

There is always the lost art of hopscotch! With some simple sidewalk chalk you can spend the day at a park or at home teaching your child the fun of a hop, skip, and a jump. But watch out because one day when I did this in front of the apartments I lived in and half the Mothers on my street ended up playing—we all giggled like little girls and WE ended up having fun, too!

Supplies needed:

• Sidewalk chalk and a sidewalk to hop and have fun on

About The Author
Kimberly Hargis owns and operates Mom’s Break PMS. Printables Madness Syndrome n. 1 : a chronic condition characterized by an uncontrollable urge to find Free Printables on the Internet: sometimes known as PMS. Please visit www.MomsBreak.com.  © Copyright 2004 All rights reserved.

For most of you being a mother is one of the most wonderful and rewarding experiences that you will have in your life. It can also be a time when you feel lost and out of touch with who you are outside of being a “mommy”. Maintaining an identity outside of your children is vitally important, not just for you, but for your family as well. So here are ten strategies that not only keep you connected with you, but also have the added bonus of being an important life skill to teach your children.

1. Be present – Often when we spend time with our children we are thinking about the things that we should be doing or we multi task and we are not really present with them. Then, when we are not with them, we feel guilty. Make the decision that when you spend time with your child to just be there for them, enjoy them, listen to them, and focus on them 100%. Spending this type of quality time with your child will lessen the guilt and help you focus on other activities with the same 100% attention. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to focus on and enjoy the moment.
2. Take care of yourself – This is a big one for most women since we get so busy caring for others we tend to forget about ourselves. Define what taking care of yourself means to you and develop a schedule to do it. Keep tweaking your schedule until you are actually fitting taking care of yourself into the day. Taking care of yourself helps to replenish your spirit, it helps you to relax, and it helps you to feel good about yourself. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to develop healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
3. Connect with you partner – It is so easy to get wrapped up in the kids and in everyday life that you forget about your relationship with your partner. Connect with your partner as often as you can, make a point to sit down over coffee on a Sunday morning and just talk about anything and everything, but the kids. It can be silly or profound, just make sure you connect with each other as a couple. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to maintain a healthy relationship.
4. Get involved – Get involved in some activity that is only for you. It can be work, volunteering, a class, or a book club. Just get involved in some regular activity where you are not a wife or a mommy, you are just you. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to participate in outside activities.
5. Have meaningful conversations – Sometimes when you have children your day gets so caught up with “kid stuff” that you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful adult conversation. Have you ever felt frustrated, aggravated and on edge and then gone out to a long dinner with a friend and felt like a new woman at the end of the night? That is why it is important to have meaningful conversations. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to get their needs met by more than one person.
6. Read – Who has time to read? We all do. It doesn’t have to be a long time, and reading is a great way to be intellectually stimulated. It exposes us to different subjects and new ideas, even when it is a light and fluffy read. Staying intellectually stimulated is important because it keeps us in touch with what we find exciting and gets those brain cells snapping. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to seek out and appreciate knowledge.
7. Take time for just you – Make sure you get some get some quality time for just you. It can be anything you want from spending time with a friend, to getting a manicure, or just being by yourself. Just do something that is only for you, it will fill you up and refresh you. You will feel like a new woman after you are done. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to be independent.
8. Remember that you have needs too – We have needs, and it is our responsibility to get them met. If you’re feeling frustrated, or unappreciated, instead of walking around feeling angry and misunderstood, figure out a way to get those needs met. Talk about them, ask for support, and be specific. And remember most people can’t read minds so you have to communicate with them to get those needs met. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to effectively meet their own needs.
9. Give yourself permission – Why do we feel like bad mothers for wanting to do something for ourselves? Every woman who I have ever talked to that wants to express an unhappiness about being a mother feels the need to qualify it by saying “Well, of course I love my child more than anything in the world but…”. Of course you do, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t be unhappy about the way something is going or how you feel. This is how you feel right now, there is nothing wrong with that, you’re a normal mother. Give yourself permission to feel the way you do and do something for yourself to feel better. Even if that means stepping back from your child for a couple of hours. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to recognize and healthily deal with their emotions.
10. Be a role model – When you ask most parents what they want most for their children they say that they want them to be happy and successful contributing adults. The very best way to ensure that comes true for your child is to be a role model. If you want your child to be confident, get their needs met, be sure of who they are, and happy with their life, just remember that they learn that from you. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to act with integrity.

Being a mother in today’s modern world is tricky business. We are bombarded all day long with messages of what makes a “good mother”. Just forget all that, and be true to you. Being joyful, present, and authentically you is the very best gift you can give to yourself and your child.

About The Author
Jen Ottolino is a Personal Coach who works with individuals to eliminate blocks to success. She partners with people to actively attract the life they know they deserve, but haven’t quite managed to achieve. You can visit her website at coachjen.com and discover articles, tips, and strategies designed to enhance your life purpose. She also publishes the bite sized weekly newsletter Little gems to subscribe send an email littlegems@coachjen.com.

by Jennifer Ottolino