Discipline is a very complicated and complex matter. We want to enjoy our children, we don’t want to stress about the little things, and we want to be forgiving to our children and our selves. However – there are many, many things we must get our children to do, or stop them from doing – all day, every day. There are lots of daily tasks that must be completed. Add to that the fact that children don’t always listen, they don’t always do the things we want them to do, and they have a limited amount of knowledge and emotional control. Keeping all this in mind, I believe that there are four distinct parts to the purpose and goal of discipline:

1 – To correct immediate behavior.

2 – To teach a lesson.

3 – To give tools that build self-discipline and emotional control.

4 – To build the parent/child relationship.

Let’s examine how this applies to a few typical situations so that you can begin to understand how these four purposes colors almost every discipline situation with your child.

Situation:
Your child is having a temper tantrum in a store because you won’t buy a new toy.

1 – Correct immediate behavior

Take your child to a restroom or unpopulated corner of the store. Wait for your child to stop the tantrum.

2 – Teach a lesson

You can’t have everything you want. You need to express your emotions appropriately.

3 – Give tools to build self discipline and emotional control

Help child write a list of toys that she wants, but can’t have right now.

4 – Build the relationship

Demonstrate leadership, understanding and patience.

Situation:
Your two children are squabbling over a toy.

1 – Correct immediate behavior

Put the toy on the counter while you get your children to stop tussling and pay attention to you.

2 – Teach a lesson

Children need to learn how to share toys and take turns.

3 – Give tools to build self discipline and emotional control

Help children by setting a timer so each can have a five minute turn with it. Show them how to do this in the future without your help.

4 – Build the relationship

Show them how to play together and how to settle disputes. Show them that they can look to you for help in handling problems.

Situation:
Your child is upset with a playmate and bites her on the arm.

1 – Correct immediate behavior

Separate the children. Provide attention and care to the child who was bitten.

2 – Teach a lesson

Get down to your child’s level, put your hands on her shoulders, look her in the eye and tell her, “Biting hurts. We don’t bite. Give Emmy a hug now. That will make her feel better.”

3 – Give tools to build self discipline and emotional control

Give your child a few hints on how she should handle her frustration next time; “If you want a toy, you can ask nicely for it or you can come to Mommy for help.”

4 – Build your relationship

Show your child that you are on her side even when she makes mistakes. Demonstrate that she can count on you to teach her how to handle strong emotions.

Discipline is not a one-time maneuver
You say you’ve tried to get your little one to put his toys away, but he never does. You’re after your daughter constantly not to whine, yet that screechy voice continues. You repeatedly attempt to get your two children to share their toys nicely yet it seems that daily you’re refereeing an argument over toys. No matter what you do, the same issues keep coming up over and over again.

Think about something that you do, or don’t do – that you know you should do differently. Perhaps it’s exercising or eating healthily. Maybe it’s keeping your desk organized or your closet clean. In all of these examples it’s likely that you struggle to always do the right thing, even when you know what the right thing is. So, if you, the mature adult, still don’t do everything the right way how could you possibly expect such a feat from your young child?

Discipline means to teach – and it is a very rare lesson that can be learned in one simple session. Furthermore, young children cannot easily apply what they’ve learned in one situation to another. So even minor variations create entirely new scenarios – for example, learning to share toys with a sibling at home isn’t easily transposed to the situation of sharing playground equipment with a friend at the park.

What this all means is that you must teach the same, or similar, lessons over and over and over and over again in many different ways until, perhaps, your child will master the idea and claim it as his own. Even then, just because a child knows what is right doesn’t mean he will always do the right thing. (Do you always drive the posted speed limit?) Our job as parents is to help our children learn right from wrong, and how to make the right decisions in life. It is to guide and teach our children, every day, in many ways.

Discipline means teaching, and as such, it can encompass almost every interaction you have with your child. When you are thoughtful about your role as a parent, and when you keep your eye on your long-term goals and use carefully planned parenting skills, then your essential parenting attitudes will be properly aligned and your job as a parent will be more fulfilling and rewarding.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

(NC)—The first few years of a child’s life are full of new and exciting experiences that are absorbed like a sponge through the five senses: touch, taste, smell, sight and sound. From birth, newborns are bombarded with a busy world that they must learn to master. It is the senses that pave the way for a child’s development throughout his or her life.

“From birth, parents must choose toys and learning tools for their child that are fun and enjoyable to play with and that also foster sensorial growth to ensure a more complete development process,” says Dr. Kathleen Alfano, leading child Researcher and Director of the Fisher-Price Child Research Department.

A baby can start to develop hand-eye coordination, watch moving objects and be able to distinguish color and form within the first few months. Toys that will help develop these skills include the Peek-A-Blocks line from Fisher-Price – a creative and fun alternative to classic building blocks. Different series of these clear, stackable blocks are filled with everything from cute animals to fun shapes and foster the development of different senses. Touch Sensations blocks are made of different textures for baby to explore and Sound Sensations include blocks that ring and squeak.

Finding toys that will stimulate a few senses at a time are also helpful in sensory development, as a child will have to learn that in most situations, combining senses are crucial to perception. The Winnie The Pooh 1, 2, 3 Exploring Tree from Fisher-Price will keep a baby engaged and captivated from the time he/she can sit up to the time he/she can stand. Along the base, basic infant activities nurture hand-eye coordination, while Winnie The Pooh sits atop the tree among a flurry of soft, bright butterflies.

Introducing a baby to sounds, bright colors and action-based toys will make playtime more fun and enjoyable and is a good way to enhance a child’s creative abilities and imagination from an early age, teaching him/her to unlock the wonder and excitement of the world around them by simply making “sense” of it.

- News Canada

About The Author
News Canada provides a wide selection of current, ready-to-use copyright free news stories and ideas for Television, Print, Radio, and the Web. News Canada is a niche service in public relations, offering access to print, radio, television, and now the Internet media, with ready-to-use, editorial “fill” items. Monitoring and analysis are two more of our primary services. The service supplies access to the national media for marketers in the private, the public, and the not-for-profit sectors. Your corporate and product news, consumer tips and information are packaged in a variety of ready-to-use formats and are made available to every Canadian media organization including weekly and daily newspapers, cable and commercial television stations, radio stations, as well as the Web sites Canadians visit most often. Visit News Canada and learn more about the NC services.

Curt, a bright sixteen-year-old, was bursting with excitement over his newly earned driver’s license. His mother, seeing an opportunity for him to exercise his helpful tendencies, as well as his newfound freedom, asked him to go to the grocery store to get hamburger for dinner. The look on his face was jubilant! His mom had never trusted him with such a task.

He grabbed the car keys and made a mad dash for the garage. She went to the kitchen to begin dinner preparations. By the time she’d finished and set the table, she began to worry. Time passed—and still more. Where was Curt?

Just as she was considering a trip of her own to find him, Curt came trudging through the door—without hamburger. “Where’s the meat?” she asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. “They don’t sell hamburger at our grocery store, Mom.”

“Of course they do, Curt!” she exclaimed. But he sighed loudly and persisted, frustrated that his mother didn’t get it.

“I went down every aisle twice, Mom, and they do not sell hamburger!”

Exasperated, she asked Curt to get back in the car, and she climbed in beside him. On the way to the store, she muttered, “It’s just like always around here. If I want something done right, I have to do it myself.” Once at the store, she marched over to the meat cooler, Curt dragging behind. She pointed dramatically and announced triumphantly, “There!”

She was stunned when her son, looking very puzzled—a beacon in a sea of cellophane-packed ground meat—said, in the sincerest of voices, “I don’t see any hamburger…”

It took seconds for her to make the connection. Her son—her driver’s-license-toting, beard-growing, college-bound son—had never been asked to help with grocery shopping! Nor had he ever prepared a meal! The truth was that he couldn’t recognize raw hamburger if she threw it at his head! That head was currently shaking back and forth in amazement. “Wow,” he said, “I’ve never seen it like that before.”

When the fog cleared, other thoughts crept into her head: he’d never done a load of laundry! He’d never balanced a checkbook! He’d never changed a flat tire! He’d never sewn on a button, or mended a tear in his pants! He’d never even packed his own lunch! Since she’d always done all these things for him, he’d never had the opportunity to do them for himself—and now her son, who was rapidly approaching full adulthood, had no idea how to perform any of these common rituals. She, with all the best intentions mixed with a bit of all-too-human impatience, had unknowingly failed to prepare her son for his foray into the real world. She was a good mother—too good.

The Hidden Message
“Don’t you worry about any of these tasks. I’ll do them for you. I’ll always be there to do them for you.”

Think About It
Sometimes, raising responsible kids isn’t so much about what we do, but about what we don’t. By being “too good” of a parent we rob our children of opportunities that help them develop tools for success in adult life—tools that can’t be bought or given, but must be forged by experience. Every task we complete for our children is a task not done by our children.

I can imagine you now shaking your head at this page in protest, asking a valid question: “But my job is to take care of my children! Aren’t these tasks a part of my job?” Read this answer slowly and carefully: No.

Your job is to raise responsible, capable young people who eventually leave your home to build independent lives; your job is to help them develop the skills necessary to do that. So, you should feel good about teaching and transferring some household duties to your children, knowing that this is an essential gift that you’re giving them.

This is a process that should begin early and continue at a regular pace. Introducing important life skills to your kids when they turn eighteen isn’t feasible and might just be impossible. For one, teenagers are busy; they’re eager to get on with life and have little patience to learn mundane skills such as loading the dishwasher. For another, they’ve already developed habits that are hard to break. So, it behooves us to bring our babies into childhood with a constant eye toward what we’re doing for them and weigh it against what they could be doing for themselves.

Having said that, I maintain that it’s perfectly acceptable to choose to cater to your child at times. If your child is sick, of course, you shouldn’t tell him to get out of bed and make his own chicken soup. If your child is unable to complete a task on his own—due to his age or abilities—it’s an act of mercy to help him out. Consideration as a character trait is every bit as essential as independence. The difference in these cases is that you’re offering—your child isn’t expecting.

Changes You Can Make
Begin by learning one useful word, to be uttered to yourself at times when you catch yourself doing for children things they should learn to do for themselves: “Don’t.”

This is one of the few times in parenting that you can be proud of the things you DON’T do. Next time you see that crusty cereal bowl, hum your mantra—“Doooonnnnn’t”—and refrain from taking it to the sink. Instead, call your child, point to the bowl, and ask him politely to take care of it. When you see those clothes lying on the floor just outside the shower door, stop yourself— “Doooonnnnn’t”— and ask your child to put them in the hamper. Don’t pick up those crumpled-up snack wrappers left on the kitchen counter—“Doooonnnnn’t.” Request that your child give them a proper burial. Resist the temptation to move the morning along by packing your kid’s lunch. “Doooonnnnn’t.” Instead, call her over to the counter, and guide her through the lunch-making process.

These lessons needn’t be dreary. For example, next time you’re about to put in a load of laundry, don’t simply trudge off to the laundry room— “Doooonnnnn’t.” As you pass your child, who is reclined on the sofa watching TV, ask him to turn off the tube and join you for a quick laundry lesson. You both might take pleasure from the time you spend together, talking among the whites and the darks, enjoying a few moments of conversation as you teach another valuable life skill.

Yes, I know. You’ll have to go though this drill again and again… But eventually, one bright day, you’ll realize that some learning has taken place. (And just maybe your child will have caught on, too.) As if by magic, your child will have taken care of that cereal bowl without a word from you—and you can celebrate the fact that he’s moved one step closer to being responsible for himself. And as a bonus, you’ll have moved one step further from frustration.

Of course, this approach calls for common sense. You can’t expect a three-year-old to cook his own dinner or a five-year-old to mow the lawn. Start with simple age-appropriate responsibilities and add to these as your child becomes more mature and capable. The beauty of gifting your child with the skills of responsibility and independence is that each skill is a building block upon which many others are balanced. First your child learns to count the spoons and fetch the napkins, then he learns to set the table, next he learns to fill his own plate with food, after that he learns how to make the salad, and before you know it, he has the skills to prepare an entire meal.

My three older children, at the ripe old ages of eight, ten and twelve – have the skills necessary to do exactly that. On several occasions, they have been given the privilege of planning and preparing a meal. The three of them discuss a menu plan and create a shopping list. Then Mom, Dad or Grandma takes them to the grocery store and the three kids do their shopping (as the adult-in-charge sips a coffee at the front deli counter.) They bring their groceries home and prepare the meal. It is absolutely delightful to listen as the three of them converse and discuss the details of the preparation, “Do you think these pieces are too big?” “How long do you cook beans?” “Do you think this is enough cheese?” The meals are very creative, usually colorful and even tasty. In addition to knowing that they have learned important life skills, the glow on their faces as they bask in the success of their endeavor makes it all worthwhile.

So how do you get to this point? If your little one is younger than six, consider yourself in the “training stage.” This is a time when learning occurs and habits form. I know: it’s so much easier to pick up your child’s toys than to go through the labor-intensive process that “letting your child do it himself” really is. It does take more time and energy to “let” your child pick up his toys, tie his shoes, and pour his juice; as the “help” you need to give is often more complicated than if you would have done it yourself. In the long run, however, you’ll save yourself a virtual lifetime of catering to a child who has never had the opportunity to assume these responsibilities at a young age. Such a child will see you as his personal valet and will resist giving up such a luxury. Wouldn’t you?

Plus, taking the time and expending the patience to help a willing and enthusiastic three- or four-year-old learn to unload the dishwasher is a lot easier than trying to teach a busy, uninterested teenager, and then deal with the frustration when he doesn’t keep up with it.

If your child is over six, every missed opportunity to teach a useful household task prolongs your child’s dependence. Every single time you pick up a dirty sock, a used tissue, a crusty cereal bowl or a misplaced toy—every time you do this— you teach your child to believe in the “cleanup fairy.” This is not only frustrating for you, but also difficult for your children when they move out of the house and discover that the “cleanup fairy” neglected to pack up and move with them.

This is one of those parenting tasks that are difficult for most of us. But the benefits are great. Perhaps the most wonderful payoff in allowing your child to master life through age-appropriate tasks and skills comes from the boost to his self-esteem. The more capable a child is, the more confident the child will become. With confidence, and a full repertoire of important life skills, comes a stronger, more positive self-image that will enable your child to take on whatever life imposes.

Copyright Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

Baby in a highchair, mom in front with a small spoon and a jar of baby food. It looks like something right out of a parenting magazine, and it’s a scene that is played out several times a day in the majority of homes with small babies. Unfortunately, it’s also a powerful marketing image that can cost a family a great deal of money in the long run.

The Convenience Factor
Most parents would say the main reason for using commercial jarred baby food is the convenience aspect. After all, with the busy lifestyle many of us have today, no one has time to specially prepare a meal for each member of the family. It doesn’t have to be a special event to create your own baby food, however. Baby can usually eat what the rest of the family is eating with very little special preparation.

Good Nutrition
Everyone worries about proper nutrition for growing babies. Iron, calcium, and vitamin D – all of these things are legitimate concerns in children’s nutrition. However, fortified and processed foods aren’t necessarily better than whole foods. Homemade baby food, created from fresh ingredients, offers your child superior nutrition as well as encourages a taste for simple, unprocessed foods – a taste that will possibly prevent obesity-related problems later in life. It’s not necessary to offer commercial baby foods in order to have a healthy child.

Economics
Why pay more for an inferior product? Beginning baby food often runs between forty and seventy cents for two ounces. It’s entirely possible to purchase half a pound of produce for the same amount, and baby will reap the benefits of eating fresh, nutritious food. Buying produce in bulk can result in even more savings, and even frozen produce is preferable to what you find in the jars.

Getting Started
It’s important to know when baby is actually ready for solids. Introducing solids too early can lead to an increased likelihood of food intolerances and food allergies. Most medical associations agree that starting solids around six months of age is ideal, and many people find delaying solids for allergy-prone babies is even better. Signs of readiness for solids include:

• Increased nursing for more than a few days, which is unrelated to illness or teething, or, if baby is fed artificial baby milk, consuming more than 32 ounces daily.
• Ability to sit up unsupported.
• Absence of the tongue-thrust reflex. This life-saving reflex causes babies to push foreign objects (in this case, solid foods) out of their mouths to avoid choking.
• Ability to pick foods up and place in mouth independently (or development of the pincer grasp).

What About Allergies?
Experts recommend introducing new foods between three days and a week apart. This helps parents and caregivers identify signs of a food allergy or intolerance. Common signs of food allergy/intolerance are:

• Increased bloating and gassiness, painful discomfort.
• Sandpaper-like raised rash on face, often where the offending food made contact with skin.
• Runny nose and watery eyes.
• Diarrhea or mucous in the stools. Blood in the stool can also be an indicator of a food allergy, usually dairy or soy.
• Red rash around anus, or an unusual diaper rash.
• Vomiting or increased spit up with discomfort.

Ideally, it is best to introduce foods that are less likely to produce an allergic reaction in baby. Avoiding foods such as egg whites, certain nuts such as peanuts, cow’s milk, corn, wheat, and some berries such as strawberries is recommended, as they are more likely to cause reactions. Instead, start with foods that are easier on baby’s system. Some good ideas include:

• Apples
• Bananas
• Peaches
• Pears
• Carrots
• Squash
• Sweet potatoes
• Asparagus
• Oats
• Barley
• Brown rice

Tools of the Trade
Fancy equipment isn’t necessary to make healthy food for your baby. Things that might be helpful include a blender, a food mill, a steamer basket and ice cube trays if you want to freeze small portions. Most people have blenders already in their kitchens, and a food mill (or baby grinder) isn’t necessary if you have a good blender or food processor. Steamer baskets can be found in most grocery stores for only a few dollars, and fit easily into saucepans. Many beginner foods require nothing more than a small pan and a fork.

Sequencing
Many doctors recommend starting your baby on rice cereal first. Many parents find, however, that fruits go over better for beginning eaters. It is a myth that babies will prefer sweet things if they are given fruits first – nature’s first food, breast milk, is naturally sweet, and that is what baby is accustomed to. Banana is a wonderful first food, as its creamy consistency is similar to mother’s milk. After introducing banana, try another fruit or vegetable. Continue adding fruits and vegetables until baby has a wide variety of tastes. Then consider adding whole grains in the form of cereal. Many whole grains have naturally occurring iron, so there is no need to supplement baby’s iron unless there is a medical indication for doing so. Brown rice, oats, and barley are all good choices. Next, introduce a meat or poultry such as beef or chicken. If you are a vegetarian, introduce another protein source such as tofu or lentils. As time goes on, introduce a combination of tastes, such as cereal mixed with applesauce or peas and carrots. This is also a great time to introduce finger foods, especially if baby has teeth. As baby learns to self-feed, you can move away from making purees and offer small baby-sized portions of the family meal.

Getting Started
Bananas make an ideal food for a baby starting solids. To serve, let bananas ripen well (the more ripe, the better – brown spots are desirable), cut into small chunks and mash with a fork. Pears are an excellent source of fiber and can be cooked like apples: peel and cut into chunks. Place in small saucepan and just cover with water. Cook until tender. These can then be mashed with a fork, run through a food mill, processed in a blender or food processor. They can also be offered as finger food if they are cut into small enough chunks. Carrots, another popular first food, should be scraped with a vegetable peeler, sliced and steamed or boiled until soft. Process in blender or food mill. Carrots can be a choking hazard for children, so do use caution if offering as a finger food.

Sweet potatoes are extremely easy to make, and one potato can last a long time if frozen after cooking. Place sweet potato in a microwave for about eight minutes, remove and let cool. Open up and serve right out of the peel – the potato is very soft and needs no further processing. Sweet potatoes are an excellent source of B6.

Winter squash such as acorn or butternut makes an excellent first food. Cut squash in half and clean. Place in one half inch of water in a baking pan and bake at three hundred and fifty degrees for half an hour. Use a spoon to scoop out squash and feed directly to baby.

Avocadoes are an extremely nutrient dense food and offers important vitamins and minerals such as iron and potassium. Cut avocado in half around the pit, grab each half and give it a twist. Scoop out meat and mash or dice.

Making cereal for baby is very easy. Take a cup of the whole grain if your choice such as brown rice, oats, or barley and process in the blender until the desired consistency is reached, usually about two minutes for very young babies. Store in an airtight container. To cook, mix with liquid of your choice and heat over medium heat on stove until thick.

Enjoyment
Enjoy this fun stage in baby’s development, and rest assured that baby is getting superior nutrition and developing good eating habits which will last a lifetime!

About The Author
Meredith Edwards-Cornwall owns and operates Attached Mamas at www.attachedmamas.com, which caters to families looking to achieve health naturally. Remedies for colic, morning sickness, infertility and more. She is also a designer for the web and print and owns Beach Designs Studio at www.beachdesigns.net.
meredith@attachedmamas.com