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Five Things You Should Know About Your Pregnancy & Birth

admin — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 17:53:14 +0000

by Christine Ramos

Not much else changes your life in so many ways as having a child does. Pregnancy and childbirth are life altering events for women and their involved partners. Many women enter their birthing facility as a private and reserved individual only to succumb later to the throes of labor and literally let it all hang out.

Having a baby can tell a woman a lot about herself that she previously did not know. Like the strength of her endurance, the magnificence of her body, and yes, the fact that there exists an occasion where she will not give a hoot who sees her in the most private of body positions. I strongly encourage pregnant women to embrace this truly magical time, a time when their own soul allows the entrance of another into this world. The following is a list of the five things I advise every expectant couple to know.

1. Understand what is happening.
Pregnancy is a time when you should be educating herself on the many wondrous changes your body and that of your unborn baby undergoes. You and your partner should learn about the course of childbirth, what birthing choices are available to you, and what to expect in both a normal delivery and one that requires medical intervention. Know what can be expected for your particular prenatal health status and draw up a birthing plan based on your educated wishes. But please remember, a birth plan is a list of wishes for your birthing experience. Changes in your, or your baby’s, health status may necessitate having an entirely different birth than what you initially wanted, and being prepared will put you in a position to better cope. Sign up for childbirth preparation courses and tour the birthing facility before the big day approaches.

2. Learn various options available for pain management.
Epidurals, though very common, are not without risks. Low blood pressure, slowing of your baby’s heart rate, back pain, severe headache, and seizures are all associated with administration of epidural anesthesia. The inability to recognize the natural urge to push your baby out is also a side effect of it. Water birthing is a marvelous birthing option which has been shown to be as effective as an epidural for pain control. Acupuncture, Reiki, and even hypnosis can also assist in obtaining effective pain management. Research these wonderful options, you owe it to yourself and your baby.

3. Avoid becoming submissive.
I strongly urge expectant parents to take an active role in their birth experience while discouraging submissiveness. So many times I have seen couples surrender their experience to the authority of their well-meaning, but very occupied, physician. What you need to know is that you must work to make the birthing experience your own.

No matter how caring the physician is she has a ton of other responsibilities she must be mindful of while attending to your birth. Many of the procedures she orders are routine and quite possibly can be negotiated in terms of your vision for your individual birthing experience. Say for example, you prefer to not have intravenous fluids during birth because you desire to walk about unencumbered by an I.V. pole.

Intravenous fluids are often routinely ordered, not so much because the birthing woman is at risk for dehydration, but to ensure easy access for medication administration via I.V. route should the need arise. Your physician may agree to only having intravenous access by the use of a saline-lock, an I.V. catheter inserted and taped to your arm but not hooked up to the tubing and bags. If the course of the pregnancy has been uncomplicated there is no reason why laboring couples cannot experience the birth of their child without medical intrusion.

4. Consider a Midwife.
Certified midwives are skilled and competent clinicians who advocate non-intervention in the normal processes of pregnancy and childbirth. These caring practitioners encourage active participation of their patients and their families as well as providing education, emotional, and social support throughout the childbearing experience. Always working with a physician as a back up measure in the event of an obstetrical emergency, the certified midwife is a safe, highly satisfying alternative to an M.D. for normal pregnancies.

5. Consider expert support during labor.
Doulas and labor support specialists, like myself, are also a very nice option for the birthing woman. We are certified professionals who work to improve the normal progress of your labor. We provide emotional support and use various comfort measures such as positioning, massage, and effective relaxation techniques during this momentous time. Having this type of assistance for pregnant women has been proven to reduce the need of medical intervention. Ask anyone who’s had a doula during their birthing experience and more than likely you’ll hear raves.

About The Author
Christine Ramos is a Registered Nurse and Certified Childbirth Educator, with experience in High-Risk Antepartum and Maternal/Child Health. In addition to writing articles Christine offers private maternity services. Her first book, entitled ‘A Journey Into Being. A Guide to Knowing Our Children as Spirit and How to Nurture Their Inner Being’ will be due out in June 2006. She is the mother of 2 boys ages 15 and 12, and a girl age 4. Visit Christine at www.IntuitiveNurturing.com for more information.

The Ten Things That Successful Parents Do

admin — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 17:24:49 +0000

By Dr. Tom Olson

1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don’t rely on the schools, the government, television, the movies or music to teach their children values and the difference between right and wrong. They do it themselves.

2. They have a vision for their family and its future, one that is discussed and shared often. And they support the vision with clearly articulated, clarified and communicated values and beliefs. Every action, behavior, and decision is taken with those values and beliefs firmly in mind. They constantly emphasize the relationship between family successes and acting in accordance with the values and beliefs. They make a clear distinction between right and wrong. Everybody is clear on how things are to be done and why.

3. They are behavioral models for their children. Their behaviors reflect those that they want the kids to emulate. They are honest because they value honesty; open because they value openness; forgiving because they value forgiveness. They make tough decisions when necessary and they take responsibility for the results. They don’t just tell their children what to value and believe; they show them through words and deeds.

4. They enable their children. They communicate high, but achievable behavioral and performance expectations and provide the spiritual, emotional, physical, intellectual and financial resources the children need to successfully achieve them. They know that self-esteem is a function of achievement.

5. They talk with their kids, not at them. They develop feedback loops so the children can come to understand the impact of their behavior on others. They make sure the kids understand the relationship behavior and consequences. And they distinguish between the child and his or her behavior so, when there are problems, they unconditionally love the child while looking for a solution to the problem.

6. They take pains to understand how children develop. As the children are finding their way in the world these parents use a combination of maturity and skill to firmly direct when direction is needed; discuss when the circumstances merit; push the kids away when they are ready to make provisional tries when they are ready to and, finally; they set them free altogether. Through it all, the door is left open for the kids to come back if they needed to.

7. They take an active role in their children’s education, both formal and informal. They are active contributors to both the schools and communities. They enrich the home environment in every way they can. They go to concerts, games, on camping trips and, unfailingly, to the ceremonies that mark the graduations from one stage to the next.

8. Although their children are outstanding in any number of ways, these parents freely admit their kids were anything but perfect. They accept and openly talk about the fact that, while good kids, their children are just as prone as others to the vicissitudes of growing up and, on occasion, their behavior reflects that fact.

9. When the time comes, they discuss the future and provide appropriate advice and guidance regarding career and other life choices that children must eventually make.

10. Through it all they encourage independent, critical thinking so, in the final analysis, each child becomes his or her own person.

About the Author
Dr. Tom Olson is the author of Don’t Die With Your Helmet On. Visit www.Dontdiewithyourhelmeton.com for more information about Dr. Tom, the book and his work. Contact Dr. Tom at info@dontdiewithyourhelmeton.com.

Kids Who Don’t Come When Called

admin — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:55:10 +0000

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation

Question:
I always have to call my child repeatedly before he’ll respond. It’s like he has cotton in his ears! I can’t stand being ignored. How can I get him to come when I call him?

Think about it:
If your child knows that the worse consequence for not coming when called is that he has to listen to your repeated yodels, he may decide that you’re easy to ignore. He may have learned that he doesn’t have to take your calls seriously until your face is bright red, the veins are sticking out on your neck, and you bellow his middle name. This means, you need to change your behavior to get him to change his.

Do this:
Children learn through experience. When you repeatedly call, but he doesn’t show up until he’s ready, you’re actually teaching him to ignore you. Follow this procedure: Visually locate your child. Call once. Wait three minutes. Go to your child, take him by the hand, say, “When I call, I expect you to come.” Then lead him to the desired location. If you do this once or twice in front of his friends, I guarantee he’ll change his ways.

What are you modeling? Watch how the adults in your family call to each other and respond when someone calls them. Does the caller yell from two rooms away? Does the callee mumble, “in a minute” and then have to be reminded several times before responding? These are the models for your child’s behavior. Change the ways you respond to each other. Children learn what they live!

Understand your child:
Making a transition from one activity to another can be difficult for many children. Instead of calling, “Come here now!” try giving two warnings first, “Willard, you’ll need to come in five minutes.” A few minutes later, “Willard, two minutes.” Then,”Willard, please come in now.” At this point, wait a minute, and if he doesn’t respond go to him and take him by the hand saying, “When I call I expect you to come.”

Let him KNOW you understand:
Acknowledge your child’s desire to continue playing, followed by a firm statement and an action that promotes compliance, “I bet you wish you could stay in the pool forever, but it’s time to go now. Here’s your towel.”

Save your voice:
Use a dinner bell or timer to call your child. Tell him that when he hears the bell, he needs to come before you count to fifty. After a few practice runs you can create a consequence for not coming in response to the bell, such as skipping desert – just let your child know the specifics in advance as fair warning!

About the author
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

Playing Doctor

admin — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:16:11 +0000

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Kid Cooperation and Perfect Parenting

Question:
I can’t believe it! I walked into the playroom and found my child comparing private parts with a friend. They said they were playing “doctor.” I yelled at them and sent the friend home. Later, I felt like I should have handled it in a better way. How should I have handled it?

Think about it:
If you found the kids eating candy before dinner, or playing with a baseball in the house, you’d handle the situation easily. If, however, they were eating candy or playing ball with their clothes off, you’d suddenly feel confused and concerned. That’s because you’re viewing the situation from an adult point of view. Most times, childhood nudity and mutual curiosity is normal and natural. You just need to teach kids what’s appropriate and what’s not.

Say calm:
If you actually walk into a room and catch children playing with their clothes off, it’s best if you can remain calm. Make a statement such as, “It is not appropriate to play with your clothes off.” Help them get dressed and find an activity to get involved in. Later, at a quiet time, have a brief conversation with your child about what is and is not appropriate. Teach that they must always keep their private areas (bathing suit areas) covered. If this happens with the same two children more than once, don’t let them play together unsupervised. (Don’t make a major announcement, just monitor their time together.)

Teaching time:
Take the situation as a cue that your child is ready for more sex education. Spend a brief amount of time answering any of your child’s questions. Let your child’s interest and questions lead the discussion and don’t overwhelm your child with too much information. Give straightforward answers in accurate, but simple terms. Address the issue of appropriate versus inappropriate touching so your child will learn how to be respectful of his own and others privacy.

Read about it:
Purchase a book about sexuality and development. Read it yourself, first, because there’s lots of stuff you may have forgotten, and some things you may not even know! Share it with your child at an appropriate time. Let your child know that you’re available to answer any questions. Two outstanding books for this purpose are: My Body, My Self for Girls and My Body, My Self for Boys both by Lynda Madaras. (Newmarket Press, NY, 1993)

Are they mimicking something they’ve seen? Take a serious look at what television shows or movies your child has been watching. Children model the behavior they see, even if they don’t understand it, so be careful what images they are being exposed to.

Take note:
Excessive interest in sexual topics, or repeated occurrences of sexual play, may be a warning sign of other problems. There may also be cause for concern if one of the children is several years older than the other. Discuss your observations with a pediatrician, school counselor or family therapist.

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

Leaving for Work Without a Fuss

admin — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:42:56 +0000

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation

Question:
My son fusses, whines, and complains every morning when I get ready to leave for work. I have to work, and I want to work, but my son’s attitude makes me feel terrible. Also, this is a lousy way to start the day.

Think about it:
Children easily pick up on a parent’s ambivalence about going to work. If you have mixed feelings about leaving your child and going off to work, it’s very possible your child is picking up on those feelings. If you’re leaving your child with a competent caregiver, it’s perfectly okay for you to go to work. As a matter of fact, some people are better parents because of the break that going to work provides them. Reconcile your own feelings so that you can start leaving for the day with a confident, cheerful attitude.

Convey a positive attitude:
Don’t get upset and apologize for leaving your child. Try to convey to your child a calm confidence about the situation. Leave for the day with a wave and a smile on your face. Let your parting comments be positive, “You can show me what you paint with your new paint set when I get home. I’ll be looking forward to it. Have a great day!”

Don’t prolong your leaving:
Keep your good-bye brief. Have a routine for leaving. Use the same sequence each time you leave. For young children, this routine might include pretending to give your child a “little tiny Mommy” to put in his pocket, and taking an imaginary mini-version of your child to put in your pocket. Some kids enjoy being your “helper” and buttoning your coat, carrying your briefcase to the door, or unlocking your car. They can then send you on your way, which puts them in more of a position of control over the situation.

Take away the mystery:
Let your child visit your place of work so he can see where you will be during the day. Allow him to sit in your seat, use your phone or computer, and meet the people you spend your time with. Then, let him check in with you, if possible, at a specific time of the day. You can then explain where you are, and what you’re doing, and he’ll have a mental picture of your workplace. Many children feel better about letting you leave after this experience.

Let him know you understand:
Acknowledge his feelings, and help him understand them. But equally important, reassure him and help him deal with the feelings and learn to get by them. “I know you miss Mommy when I go to work. I miss you too. That’s become we love each other and like to be together. I do need to go to work every day. I like my work. You have lots of things to do when I’m gone. You can tell me all about your day when I get home.”

Kids Who Don’t Come When Called

admin — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:39:48 +0000

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation

Question:
I always have to call my child repeatedly before he’ll respond. It’s like he has cotton in his ears! I can’t stand being ignored. How can I get him to come when I call him?