After 42 weeks of pregnancy, two days of undergoing inducement and physical stress on the baby, my daughter was delivered via an emergency C-section. Oh, it was music to my ears when my gynecologist arrived in my hospital room at 4:30 a.m. and told me they were going to do an emergency C-section. I must have been in shock or delirious! However, after going through a traumatic two days, I had had enough and I wanted to meet this precious baby who lived inside of me for 9+ months. The time came and I was wheeled to the operating room, and what a blessed event it was to see my sweet new baby girl!

I wasn’t prepared for the aftermath of a C-Section but I am so grateful that I had a great family who were there for me and helped me every step of the way.

1. Plan ahead. No one can predict whether or not you’ll need an emergency c-section. So prepare yourself with information.
2. Try not to be upset if you are told you have to undergo a C-section to deliver your baby. I know that many new parents are less than thrilled at the prospect and have anticipated a natural delivery. Plenty of women feel put down and feel less like a woman because they did not deliver their baby through the hard work of labour. I know it is emotionally hard. Truly, the main concern is you and your baby’s health and that is more important than how you delivered your baby.
3. Expect a brief hospital stay. My daughter and I were in the hospital for four days after the birth. If you require assistance at any time in caring for you or your baby, are uncomfortable due to the pain, or have any questions, do not be afraid to ask for help. There were times when I was too proud to press the buzzer to ask for assistance. But, believe me, their assistance is very much required, especially with the care of your newborn baby.
4. When the time comes and the nurses and/or doctors tell you to walk around, do try. It may be difficult but do try to do a little walking if and when possible. It helps to alleviate the stomach gases that are very much a part of the discomfort you feel after a C-section.
5. The day arrives when you and your newborn can finally go home. Enlist support! Ensure that you have family, friends or loved ones to assist you and, once again, do not be afraid to ask for help. Do not try to be supermom! I was fortunate to have a supportive family at home and could not imagine going through the recovery without them. It will take you 6 weeks to fully recuperate from a C-section, afterall, it is major surgery.
6. Do not pick up heavy items. Remember, you have just had surgery and your incision is in the healing process.
7. Ensure that you eat healthy and drink lots of water. This is important to ensure that your digestive systems returns to normal. Plenty of rest is vital for recuperation. Enjoy this period of relaxation because you have many years of motherhood to go!
8. Enjoy this special time with your new baby!

I survived my first C-section and 18 months after the birth of my daughter, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy via a scheduled C-section. The second C-section was easier. I am grateful to have two healthy children who are the joy of my life, irregardless of how I delivered them.

About The Author
Lee-Anne Robert, proud mother of two healthy young children and owner of Cuddles ‘n Gifts,
Copyright 2004 info@cuddlesngifts.net

“Dad, you’re going to be a grandfather.” My son was calling from his Naval base. He could have told me anything else on earth and I would not have been more surprised. At first I thought he was joking. I waited for the punch line. It was no joke.

He had come home on leave a few weeks earlier. He had met a girl. We knew very little about her. They had dated while he was home. It turns out they had kept contact, calling, writing and e-mailing to each one another. Soon after he had gone back to his base she discovered she was pregnant. They were, of course, not married.

It took a few moments for what he was saying to sink in. How could this happen? (Stupid question.) What was he going to do about it? (We are Catholic. Another stupid question.) How could he let this happen? (My first sensible question.) Surprise rolled over into anger. We ended up slamming down the phones in anger.

A jillion things raced through my mind. I was barely in my 40′s. I was too young to be a grandparent. What were our friends going to think? What was our pastor going to think? How were these two kids going to get along raising a baby? What was the mother really like? After all, we barely knew her. How were they going to be able to build a marriage relationship with a baby in the middle of all of that adjustment? How were they going to start a family with him in the Navy and away at sea part of the time?

Sure, I wanted to be a grandparent someday. Just not yet and not this way.

The next few months were a period of change and adjustment for all of us. It wasn’t easy.

One of the toughest adjustments was accepting that my son was stepping into both adulthood and fatherhood. He was barely out of high school. He still had two years remaining on his Navy enlistment. Suddenly he was no longer the boy, who it seemed like only yesterday I had been scolding for not cleaning his room, taking out the garbage and for denting a fender on the car.

A girl we barely knew was suddenly part of the family. We had to quickly develop a relationship with her. Like my son, she seemed so young. Was this girl really going to be the mother of my grandchild?

And then he was born. He was so tiny. I had forgotten how small a new baby is. The first time I held him I swear he smiled at me. I knew we were going to be buddies. They tell me he was too young to really smile. I know better. In that moment I caught a glimpse, in my mind’s eye, of all of the fishing trips, ball games and camp outs we were going to share.

Suddenly none of the would’ve, could’ve, should have’s counted for a thing. A new little innocent person, who had no say at all in the matter, had just been born. The only thing that mattered from that day forward was giving him everything that family love and support can possibly provide.

That is what we have been learning to do. Along the way I have picked up a few tips to share.

1. It is your child’s home, your child’s rules. A role reversal takes place. When your child establishes a home, you are a guest. The rules change. You are no longer in charge’ and you are sharing your child’s life in a new way. Respect that and be grateful for the opportunity. 
2. Offer to give the parents a break. Babies and small children demand constant attention. This level of attention day after day and week after week is wearing on anyone. Offer to give your child and his or her spouse a break. Even a break of a few hours can be a very welcome gift. 
3. Do not criticize. Your child and his or her partner are going to do things and say things that you wouldn’t do or say. They are going to make mistakes. Don’t criticize them for those mistakes. Your criticism will not be received well and will get in the way of your relationship. Besides, you’ve made plenty of mistakes of your own. They are entitled to theirs. 
4. Offer advice only when asked. It is a funny thing about advice. The more you offer it, the less it is appreciated. The less you offer advice, the more it’s sought. That truism has never been more valid than dealing with an adult child. 
5. The world has changed. The parenting styles and discipline techniques your children use may be different than those you employed. Most likely the techniques you used were different than those of your parents. You may not always agree with your children, but as long as everyone is safe from harm, with food and shelter, accept them. If you did a good job teaching your children your basic values, they will not stray far from them, regardless the techniques used. 
6. Make time to be a grandparent. Most people I know that are my age live very hectic, busy lives. We are at the height of our careers. Most of us are healthy and very active. Time is a precious commodity. Most of us also spent so much time developing careers and supporting our lifestyles that we found our children were grown almost before we knew it. Arrange your life with time to be a grandparent. The rewards are greater than work and personal activities will ever be. 
7. Share your grandchild’s world. Suddenly you are looking at a whole new round of ball games, school plays, scout meetings, graduations and the other events in your grandchild’s life. They are even more fun now than they were with your own children. Your grandchildren grow and change every day. There is a special pride in watching a grandchild develop and perform. These events are an excellent way to stay in touch with his or her developing personality. 
8. Ask how you can help. Do not assume you know. Your child’s life, like yours has been, will be a series of challenges, success and failures. Let you child know that you are always there, willing to help. Don’t assume you know when and how to help. Your child will let you know when he or she needs your help. 
9. Establish limits of help. Being a grandparent is special. It does not mean giving up your own life. If a parent is willing to provide unlimited assistance, it may become too easy for the child to take advantage of that. There should be limits of financial and personal assistance. Occasional babysitting is fun, for example. Providing a free daycare service may not be. Determine limits that are reasonable and comfortable for you and then discuss them with your child.

Becoming a grandparent is a very special time in life. In many ways it is more fun than being a parent. It is part-time. It is a second chance to do all of the things you meant to do or should have done with your children. The relationship with my grandchildren is more relaxed and easier than with my children. I may not have been ready when it happened, but I’m glad it did.

About the Author
Royce Armstrong is a grandparent and freelance writer featured at Happy Tulip Toys and Gifts for Grandchildren. This and other articles and tips about grandparenting can be found here.

Vacations are fun! Weekends with the family are nice. But, Late Night Adventures are “simply marvelous”. If you really want to shine in your child’s eyes on a more regular basis– try some late night adventures with them.

By late night I am talking about adventures that start from 10pm on.

Shouldn’t kids be in bed at that time? — yes

Shouldn’t parents keep structure? — yes

Don’t parents need to set an example? — yes

Aren’t kids only young once? — YES and that is the point.

Take time to be magical in your child’s eyes. I applaud organized, structured family systems. I think it can be quite difficult for many families today that are over worked, tapped out, and stretched as far as time will allow for cramming in activities. Yet, since your kids are only young once– why not give it a shot and build a couple memories as the coolest parent on the block.

Here are a couple ideas that won’t take up much time or money but go a long way with kids:

• Wake up and watch a lightening / thunder storm at 11pm
• Grab a skateboard and hit the pavement at 1am
• During a snow freeze on the driveway and street out front– ice skate in athletic shoes at 2 am
• Go to bed early and make a run for Denny’s at 3 am
• Watch the sun rise together while eating Krispy Kreme donuts and drinking milk at 6 am (or even add homemade fortune cookies so you both have something cool to open up with a positive outlook pronounced on your day ahead)

The difference with about late night adventures with your children vs. weekends or vacations is simply that late night adventures are novelty, costing less money and more quality attention. Your kid will be the envy of the other kids– because what other parent do you know that does these things?! Believe me, the kids in our neighborhood still can’t get over some of the things my son tells them we do. In fact, they want to come along.

Every now and then, go on and forget about the adult in you and join your child in being a kid. Regain your sense of wonder and enchantment. Throw rules to the wind and have some innocent fun. If you do, I promise you will shine in their eyes and fill both your hearts with rich memories that will last your life time.

Until next time— all the best,

Kate

About The Author
Kate Hufstetler is a well established business, personal, and relationship coach. Her clients come from both the United States and overseas. She offers coaching services via email and phone consultations at flexible timing and financing to meet your every need. Through personal, business, spiritual mentorship, she could help you too! Please visit for available packages within your range: www.comedreamwithme.com/start_today.html. Kate@comedreamwithme.com

“I love you” are three words all children need to hear often from their parents. Do you want those words to have real meaning to your child? Do you want them to connect one heart to another? Do you want to use these words to develop a level of intimacy in your family that communicates your heartfelt affection for your children? If so, consider strengthening I love you with the following suggestions.

1.) Use eye contact. Give your children your eyes when you say, “I love you.” Souls touch when meaningful eye contact is made during moments of intimacy. Touch with your eyes. It’s a way of connecting that helps you bond.

2.) Touch. A pat on the back, a hug, or a high-five will add meaning to verbal expressions of love. So will a slight squeeze of the shoulder or a kiss. Take your child’s hand in yours when you say, “I love you,” and add a tactile component to your words.

3.) Use names. The sweetest sound in any language is the sound of your own name. Names get our attention and build connectedness. Sadly, some children only hear their own names when they are in trouble. (“William, you better get in here!”) Add your child’s name to your expression of love. “I love you, Carlos,” or “Shingo, I really love you.” Watch their reactions. Their facial expressions will encourage you to continue the practice of adding your child’s name to “I love you.”

4.) Use the words son and daughter. These two words can add intense intimacy to your verbal expressions of love. “I love you, son” or “I love you, daughter” will create an emotion-filled statement that will invite an equally emotional response. Monitor your personal comfort level as you use these two important words. Notice your feelings as you say them, as well as the reaction you get from your children.

5.) Add nonverbal signals to your spoken message. Smile, wink, and add pleasant facial expressions to your words. Make sure the message on your face is congruent with the one coming out of your mouth.

6.) Do not use the word when as part of your vocal communication of love. “I love you when you smile like that” or “When you choose that happy mood, I love you” sends a message to your children that your love is conditional. What children often hear is “I only love you when….” To love unconditionally, say “I love you” without any condition attached.

7.) Remove the word but from your description of love. “I love you, but….” is usually followed by a concern, problem, or frustration. When we express our love along with a concern, we send a mixed message. When we do this, children get confused and conclude that the love part is a manipulation intended to soften them up before the real message is delivered.

8.) Add because you are loveable to your manner of expressing love. “I love you because you are loveable” is an important concept for children to learn. It helps them understand that your love is attached to no specific condition. It simply is. Be careful not to add any other words after because. “I love you because you are thoughtful” adds a condition that communicates conditional love. The only acceptable phrase to use with because is because you are loveable.

9.) Say “I love you” at unexpected times. Children often hear our expressions of love at familiar times. We typically say “I love you” when we are going out the door on our way to work. We say it when we end a phone conversation. “I love you” is often the last communication our children hear as we tuck them into bed at night. “I love you” at those times is often expected and certainly anticipated. To heighten the impact of these three valuable words, use them at unexpected times. Say them in the middle of a meal, as you are driving down the road in your car, or as you stand at the kitchen sink doing dishes together.

Some children are auditory and need to hear the words “I love you.” Others are tactile and need to be touched to feel loved. Still others are visual and need to see love on your face and in your actions. Why not give your children all three variations when you communicate your love?

About The Author
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world’s foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: http://www.personalpowerpress.com.