Baby, Pregnancy, and Parenting at Babies Online » Women

Special Treatment for Pregnant Women

admin — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 21:35:42 +0000

I recently heard a story about a woman who got an interesting discount, just because she was pregnant. She went into a sandwich shop for lunch one day, ordered her food and then was told that she got 10% off. She thought maybe the sandwich was on special and sat down to eat. Before she left the owner came over and told her that because of her being pregnant, she got a discount every time she came in and that in the future just sit down, tell him what she wanted and he would handle the rest.

While this special treatment was incredibly nice and thoughtful, and pregnant women all around the world probably think that more places should do this, it is not common to find places offering women special treatment just because they are pregnant. Most restaurants do not have discounts for pregnant women, neither do most stores you will find in your local town. Sometimes you can get lucky though.

One type of special treatment that many pregnant women in their third trimester would appreciate is a parking spot or spots reserved close to doors of shopping centers and grocery stores. By the time you are ready to deliver, walking a mile to buy some milk because you can’t find a close spot does not sound too exciting. Especially in the heat of the summer, or if it is cold, snowy, icy or raining outside. However, you can occasionally find these special spots at local grocery stores and chains. If you do you generally have to get a “pass” from the store that you hang in your window letting them know that you are in fact pregnant and they are only good in the third trimester and for the first couple of months after your baby is born.

It would also be nice if places like big amusement parks, where you are told you can not ride the rides, would offer discounts to pregnant women. Instead at most of them pregnant women are forced to pay the full price of $40 or $50 so that they can go in and walk around for hours while their family gets to enjoy the rides that they paid for. We are not aware of any amusement park that offers this type of discount, but if you are, please let us know so that we can tell all pregnant women to go there!

If you can not find a place in your neighborhood that offers special treatment to pregnant women, bring up the idea yourself. Mention it to the owners of your favorite restaurants, and to the manager at your local grocery store. Make them see that offering parking spots or discounts on food would help bring in the pregnant women who want to walk only 20 feet, instead of a mile, and those that don’t feel like cooking, but would rather just grab a quick bite to eat. Many times it is not done just because it isn’t thought of. After all, not everyone can be as smart as a pregnant woman.

Women and Nutrition: A Menu of Special Needs

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 16:18:44 +0000

By Dori StehlinBreast cancer. Osteoporosis. Iron deficiency. Weight reduction. What do these things have in common? They are either unique to women, or are more prevalent in women. And they affect current recommendations on what women should eat for optimum health.

While new information on what’s good and what’s bad seems to surface almost daily, some basic guidelines have taken root over the past several years.

The bottom line (also known as the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, from the Departments of Health and Human Services and Agriculture) is:

eat a variety of foods

maintain healthy weight

choose a diet low in fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol

choose a diet with plenty of vegetables, fruits, and grain products

use sugar and salt/sodium only in moderation

if you drink alcoholic beverages, do so in moderation.That sounds simple enough. Except, what exactly is variety? Cake one day, cookies the next? What is a diet low in fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol? And, finally, what parts of a healthy diet have special importance for women?Vitamins and Minerals
There are several vitamins and minerals essential to a healthy diet. A well-balanced diet will usually meet women’s allowances for them. (See Recommended Dietary Allowances.) However, for good health, women need to pay special attention to two minerals, calcium and iron.

Calcium
Both women and men need enough calcium to build peak (maximum) bone mass during their early years of life. Low calcium intake appears to be one important factor in the development of osteoporosis. Women have a greater risk than men of developing osteoporosis.

A condition in which progressive loss of bone mass occurs with aging, osteoporosis causes the bones to be more susceptible to fracture. If a woman has a high level of bone mass when her skeleton matures, this may modify her risk of developing osteoporosis.

Therefore, particularly during adolescence and early adulthood, women should increase their food sources of calcium. “The most important time to get a sufficient amount of calcium is while bone growth and consolidation are occurring, a period that continues until approximately age 30 to 35,” says Marilyn Stephenson, a registered dietitian with FDA’s Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition. “The idea is, if you can build a maximum peak of calcium deposits early on, this may delay fractures that occur later in life.”

The recommended dietary allowance (RDA) for calcium for woman 19 to 24 is 1,200 milligrams per day. For women 25 and older, the allowance drops to 800 milligrams, but that is still a significant amount, says Stephenson. “The need for good dietary sources of calcium continues throughout life,” she says.

How do you get enough calcium without too many calories and fat? After all, the foods that top the calcium charts–milk, cheese, ice cream–aren’t calorie and fat lightweights.

“There are lots of lower fat choices,” says Stephenson. “There’s 1 percent or skim milk instead of whole milk. There’s a good variety of lower fat cheeses, yogurts, and frozen yogurts, and there’s a whole flock of substitutes for ice cream.”

In addition to dairy foods, other good sources of calcium include salmon, tofu (soybean curd), certain vegetables (for example, broccoli), legumes (peas and beans), calcium-enriched grain products, lime-processed tortillas, seeds, and nuts.

Iron
For women, the RDA for iron is 15 milligrams per day, 5 milligrams more than the RDA for men. Women need more of this mineral because they lose an average of 15 to 20 milligrams of iron each month during menstruation. Without enough iron, iron deficiency anemia can develop and cause symptoms that include pallor, fatigue and headaches.

After menopause, body iron stores generally begin to increase. Therefore, iron deficiency in women over 50 may indicate blood loss from another source, and should be checked by a physician.

Animal products–meat, fish and poultry–are good and important sources of iron. In addition, the type of iron, known as heme iron, in these foods is well absorbed in the human intestine.

Dietary iron from plant sources, called non-heme, are found in peas and beans, spinach and other green leafy vegetables, potatoes, and whole-grain and iron-fortified cereal products. Although non-heme iron is not as well absorbed as heme iron, the amount of non-heme iron absorbed from a meal is influenced by other constituents in the diet. The addition of even relatively small amounts of meat or foods containing vitamin C substantially increases the total amount of iron absorbed from the entire meal.

Calories and Weight Control
The Food and Nutrition Board of the National Research Council recommends that the average woman between 23 and 50 eat about 2,200 calories a day to maintain weight. (Chart of Suggested Weights for Adults)

The best way for a woman to determine whether she’s eating the right number of calories is to “keep stepping on the scale,” says FDA’s Stephenson.

She cautions, however, that cutting back on calories isn’t always the answer to losing weight. “You don’t really want to cut back any more [calories] if you’re down around that [1,500 calories] range,” says Stephenson. She explains that the fewer the calories you have to work with, the harder it is to meet all your daily requirements for a healthy diet.

“If you find you are gaining weight, you need to think of not only cutting calories, but also about increasing exercise,” she says. “Calories are only half the equation for weight control. Physical activity burns calories, increases the proportion of lean to fat body mass, and raises your metabolism. So, a combination of both calorie control and increased physical activity is important for attaining healthy weight.

“On the other hand, if you’ve been pigging out–well, you know what you have to do.”

Cholesterol
Women tend to have higher levels than men of a desirable type of cholesterol called HDLs (high-density lipoproteins) until menopause, leading some researchers to believe there is a link between HDLs and estrogen levels. But this doesn’t let women off the hook–a diet high in saturated fat and cholesterol can still mean trouble.

For both women and men, blood cholesterol levels of below 200 milligrams are desirable. Levels between 200 and 239 milligrams are considered borderline and anything over 240 milligrams is high. High levels of blood cholesterol increase the risk of coronary heart disease.

To keep levels in the good range, the National Cholesterol Education Program of the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute recommends eating no more than 300 milligrams of cholesterol a day. Cholesterol is found only in food from animal sources, such as egg yolks, dairy products, meat, poultry, shellfish, and–in smaller amounts–fish and some processed products containing animal foods.

Even more important than limiting cholesterol to less than 300 milligrams is keeping saturated fat lass than 10 percent of total calories, says Nancy Ernst, the nutrition coordinator for the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute.

“Don’t even think about cholesterol in your diet,” says Ernst. “Focus on reducing saturated fat.”

Fat
In the United States, out of every 100,000 women, approximately 27 die from breast cancer each year. In Japan, breast cancer deaths are fewer than 7 per 100,000. Some scientists think that the difference in death rates may be related to the different amounts of fat in the average diet in each country–40 percent for American women versus 20 percent in Japan.

“We believe pretty strongly in the link [between high-fat diets and breast cancer],” says Jeffrey McKenna, director of NCI’s Cancer Awareness Program.

Population studies have also linked high-fat diets to other cancers, particularly colorectal cancer.

Fat does, however, serve a purpose in the diet. Fats in foods provide energy and help the body absorb certain vitamins. But it is as easy as pie (and doughnuts, ice cream, and sirloin steaks) to eat too much.

For a healthy diet, the diet and health report of the National Research Council recommends reducing fat to no more than 30 percent of total calories. (Figure out your fat intake.) But that’s not all. In terms of heart disease, the kinds of fat you eat are as important as how much.

There are three kinds of fat–saturated, polyunsaturated and monounsaturated. All three are equal when it comes to calories–9 per gram (compared to 4 calories per gram for protein or carbohydrate). But they aren’t equal when it comes to how they affect your health.

More than anything else in the diet, saturated fat can raise your blood cholesterol level. Because of this risk, less than one-third of your daily fat intake (less than 10 percent of total calories) should come from saturated fats.

That’s the bad news. The good news is polyunsaturated and monounsaturated may actually lower blood cholesterol levels. The diet and health report recommends that not more than 10 percent of total calories should be from polyunsaturated fat, and monounsaturated fat should make up the remaining 10 percent.

The foods with the highest amounts of saturated fat come from animals–meat, of course, and foods derived from animals, such as butter, cream, ice cream, and cheese. In addition to animal products, coconut and palm kernel oils are very high in saturated fat–over 90 percent.

The best sources for polyunsaturated fats are plant-based oils–sunflower, corn, soybean, cottonseed, and safflower. Monounsaturated fats are found in the largest amounts in olive, canola and peanut oils.

Fiber
An apple a day–that is, a whole apple with the skin–will give you approximately 3.6 grams of fiber. That’s a good start, but you still need a lot more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to meet the daily level of 20 to 30 grams of fiber recommended by the National Cancer Institute.

Eating foods with plenty of complex carbohydrates and fiber (vegetables, fruits, and grain products) is part of a healthy diet for several reasons. A fiber-rich diet is helpful in the management of constipation and may be related to lower rates of colon cancer. These types of foods are generally low in fat and can be substitutes for fatty foods.

Fiber comes in two forms–insoluble and soluble. Insoluble fiber, mostly found in whole-grain products, vegetables and fruit, provides bulk for stool formation and helps move wastes more quickly through the colon. Another benefit is the full feeling fiber may create in the stomach, a possible deterrent to overeating.

Soluble fiber has been linked to lowering blood cholesterol levels, but that’s still a research area according to the Surgeon General’s Report on Nutrition and Health. There are many sources of soluble fiber, including peas and beans, many vegetables and fruits, and rice, corn and oat bran. There are even small amounts in pasta, crackers, and other bakery products.

Although foods containing fiber seem to exert a protective effect against some cancers, the diet and health report points out there is no conclusive evidence that dietary fiber itself, rather than other components, exerts this effect. Therefore, the report does not recommend the use of fiber supplements.

As important as fiber is to good health, it can be overdone. NCI recommends an upper limit of 35 grams a day. More probably won’t further increase the benefits from fiber, and may interfere with the body’s ability to absorb iron and other minerals.

When increasing the amount of fiber in your diet, do it slowly, so your body can become accustomed to handling it. Adding too much fiber too quickly may lead to uncomfortable side effects, including abdominal discomfort, flatulence and diarrhea.

Food Preparation
Carefully selecting foods for a well-balanced diet can end up a wasted effort if equal care isn’t used in the kitchen. Some important points to help make the most of healthy food: To help reduce fat, broil, bake or microwave food rather than frying or deep-fat frying. Cook vegetables in as little water as possible, or, instead of boiling food, try steaming. The steamer basket keeps the food above the water so the nutrients can’t be washed away. Also, heat can destroy some nutrients, so don’t overcook. Use fresh foods as soon as possible to avoid loss of vitamins. Season vegetables with herbs and spices instead of high-fat sauces, butter or margarine. Try lemon juice as a salad dressing. Substitute plain low-fat yogurt, blender-whipped low-fat cottage cheese, or buttermilk in recipes that call for sour cream or mayonnaise. Use skim or low-fat milk in place of whole milk in puddings, soups, and baked products.

Getting a Variety of Foods
The Dietary Guidelines say that the many nutrients you need should come from a variety of foods, not from a few highly fortified foods or supplements. A good way to ensure variety is to choose foods each day from the five major food groups. USDA has developed a daily food guide for a well-balanced diet that suggests the following:

Vegetables – 3 to 5 servings

Fruits – 2 to 4 servings

Breads, cereals, rice, pasta – 6 to 11 servings

Milk, yogurt, cheese – 2 to 3 servings

Meat, poultry, fish, dried beans and peas, eggs, nuts – 2 to 3 servingsThis food guide is “a useful, simple way for women to look at their own diets and see how to improve them,” says Stephenson. By choosing different foods from each group daily, the food guide can serve as the basis for the dietary guideline “eat a variety of foods,” says Stephenson, and “that’s a tenet of nutritional advice for all people.” Finally, the guidelines are meant for the average person, cautions Walter H. Glinsmann, M.D., FDA’s associate director for clinical nutrition. “Almost nobody is average,” he says. Lifestyle, genetics, and conditions such as pregnancy or disease can also affect a person’s nutritional needs, he explains.About the Author
Dori Stehlin is a staff writer for FDA Consumer.

The South Beach DietTM Online

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 16:13:29 +0000

What it is
The South Beach DietTM was developed by renowned cardiologist, Dr. Arthur Agatston. Rather than focusing on low-fat or low-carb foods, Dr. Agatston recommends a balanced diet that incorporates good fats and good carbs, and lots of delicious food! This “smart carb” diet consists of Three Phases:

Phase 1: Start Losing Weight. This is a two-week period of eating proteins – like meat, chicken, and fish – and plenty of vegetables, eggs, cheese, and nuts. You’ll cut out bread, pasta, and fruit – to help you banish cravings for unhealthy carbs. But don’t worry – you’ll add them back in!

Phase 2: Reintroduce Carbs. Add your favorite whole wheat bread, pasta, and fruits back into your diet. You’ll stay in Phase 2 until you’ve reached all your weight-loss goals.

Phase 3: Your Diet For Life. Nothing’s off limits in this phase. You’ll continue to follow the basic principles to maintain your weight and feel healthy.

Why it works

The South Beach DietTM Online takes all the benefits of the delicious diet and combines them with all the benefits of dieting online! It’s fun, effective, and delicious:

- Over 800 delicious and easy recipes! No one will ever know you’re on a “diet”
- Answers and advice from Dr. Agatston himself! This is your chance to connect with the doctor
- Online registered dietitians dedicated to addressing all your concerns!
- Complete Diet Toolkit: Weight Tracker, Diet Log, Meal Planner, Grocery Shopping Lists, and more
- Beach Buddies: Get member support and tips to help you stay motivated and on track!

Is The South Beach Diet™ Online Right For You?
With so many diets out there – low fat, low carb, low calorie – it can be confusing trying to figure out which is right for you. What’s unique about the South Beach Diet™ is that it’s not low fat or low carb, but rather – the diet incorporates good carbs and good fats. This allows you to eat normally and deliciously! In fact, many people feel they are able to eat all their favorite foods and still lose weight.

And now that the New York Times bestselling diet is online – losing weight is easier than ever. As an online member, you’ll have access to a database of over 800 delicious recipes, 12 weight-loss tools, five online nutritionists, and more. Plus, you can even ask Dr. Agatston – the creator of the diet – your own personal questions!

For more information and your free diet profile, visit SouthBeachDiet.com

For the Love of Mommy

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 16:06:36 +0000

For most of you being a mother is one of the most wonderful and rewarding experiences that you will have in your life. It can also be a time when you feel lost and out of touch with who you are outside of being a “mommy”. Maintaining an identity outside of your children is vitally important, not just for you, but for your family as well. So here are ten strategies that not only keep you connected with you, but also have the added bonus of being an important life skill to teach your children.

Be present – Often when we spend time with our children we are thinking about the things that we should be doing or we multi task and we are not really present with them. Then, when we are not with them, we feel guilty. Make the decision that when you spend time with your child to just be there for them, enjoy them, listen to them, and focus on them 100%. Spending this type of quality time with your child will lessen the guilt and help you focus on other activities with the same 100% attention. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to focus on and enjoy the moment.
Take care of yourself – This is a big one for most women since we get so busy caring for others we tend to forget about ourselves. Define what taking care of yourself means to you and develop a schedule to do it. Keep tweaking your schedule until you are actually fitting taking care of yourself into the day. Taking care of yourself helps to replenish your spirit, it helps you to relax, and it helps you to feel good about yourself. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to develop healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
Connect with you partner – It is so easy to get wrapped up in the kids and in everyday life that you forget about your relationship with your partner. Connect with your partner as often as you can, make a point to sit down over coffee on a Sunday morning and just talk about anything and everything, but the kids. It can be silly or profound, just make sure you connect with each other as a couple. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to maintain a healthy relationship.
Get involved – Get involved in some activity that is only for you. It can be work, volunteering, a class, or a book club. Just get involved in some regular activity where you are not a wife or a mommy, you are just you. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to participate in outside activities.
Have meaningful conversations – Sometimes when you have children your day gets so caught up with “kid stuff” that you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful adult conversation. Have you ever felt frustrated, aggravated and on edge and then gone out to a long dinner with a friend and felt like a new woman at the end of the night? That is why it is important to have meaningful conversations. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to get their needs met by more than one person.
Read – Who has time to read? We all do. It doesn’t have to be a long time, and reading is a great way to be intellectually stimulated. It exposes us to different subjects and new ideas, even when it is a light and fluffy read. Staying intellectually stimulated is important because it keeps us in touch with what we find exciting and gets those brain cells snapping. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to seek out and appreciate knowledge.
Take time for just you – Make sure you get some get some quality time for just you. It can be anything you want from spending time with a friend, to getting a manicure, or just being by yourself. Just do something that is only for you, it will fill you up and refresh you. You will feel like a new woman after you are done. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to be independent.
Remember that you have needs too – We have needs, and it is our responsibility to get them met. If you’re feeling frustrated, or unappreciated, instead of walking around feeling angry and misunderstood, figure out a way to get those needs met. Talk about them, ask for support, and be specific. And remember most people can’t read minds so you have to communicate with them to get those needs met. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to effectively meet their own needs.
Give yourself permission – Why do we feel like bad mothers for wanting to do something for ourselves? Every woman who I have ever talked to that wants to express an unhappiness about being a mother feels the need to qualify it by saying “Well, of course I love my child more than anything in the world but…”. Of course you do, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t be unhappy about the way something is going or how you feel. This is how you feel right now, there is nothing wrong with that, you’re a normal mother. Give yourself permission to feel the way you do and do something for yourself to feel better. Even if that means stepping back from your child for a couple of hours. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to recognize and healthily deal with their emotions.
Be a role model – When you ask most parents what they want most for their children they say that they want them to be happy and successful contributing adults. The very best way to ensure that comes true for your child is to be a role model. If you want your child to be confident, get their needs met, be sure of who they are, and happy with their life, just remember that they learn that from you. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to act with integrity.

Being a mother in today’s modern world is tricky business. We are bombarded all day long with messages of what makes a “good mother”. Just forget all that, and be true to you. Being joyful, present, and authentically you is the very best gift you can give to yourself and your child.

About The Author
Jen Ottolino is a Personal Coach who works with individuals to eliminate blocks to success. She partners with people to actively attract the life they know they deserve, but haven’t quite managed to achieve. You can visit her website at coachjen.com and discover articles, tips, and strategies designed to enhance your life purpose. She also publishes the bite sized weekly newsletter Little gems to subscribe send an email littlegems@coachjen.com.

by Jennifer Ottolino

How to Give the “Gift of a Lifetime”

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 15:58:22 +0000

by Van Day

Giving that special someone a special gift can be very difficult. Depending on the situation and occasion, it can be a very tricky thing. You want to do the right thing, but if you’re not careful, it can backfire. As many have found out, you need to give this some considerable thought.

But everyone wants to give the “right” gift. What makes up a great gift?

In my experience, a great gift:

Is truly unique, personal and creative;
Demonstrates to the recipient the thoughtfulness and caring that went into securing the gift;
Evokes emotions from the recipient whenever it is used, seen or thought about; and
Makes the recipient truly feel special.

A great gift doesn’t necessarily have to cost hundreds or thousands of dollars to be great. But also understand that getting a gift that is cheap can show how much “you don’t care.” Before you start to shop and buy, also consider the following:

Who is the recipient? Is it your spouse, significant other, sibling, parents, relative, close friends, neighbor or business associate?
Next, what is the occasion? Holiday, birthday, anniversary, graduation, wedding, engagement, promotion, a “just because” occasion, or “I-need-to-get-out-of- the-doghouse-occasion?”
Be yourself. The gift is from you, so make sure it shows it. But be appropriate, and be sure the gift is something that the recipient will relate to and enjoy.
Try to avoid excessiveness. Simple gifts tend to also be very well received.
Don’t wait until the last minute. It only gives you too little time to get a great gift, and also shows how much you don’t care.

Being creative is a fantastic way to ensure getting the right gift. People love it when it’s obvious their gift required some imagination and creativity. So as you’re going through the “what do I get them” process, remember that a little bit of creativity, uniqueness and personalization will go a long, long way!

The true measure of a great gift will be seen in the eyes of the recipient when they get it. You’ll know it, you’ll feel it, and you’ll feel great yourself when you’ve given the “Great Gift”!

About The Author
Van Day is a renowned pianist and musician, and creator of “Piano Music 4 You.com .” “Piano Music 4 You” specializes in creating personalized, custom and unique CDs of piano music, created especially for each customer and all occasions. He can be reached at vanday@pianomusic4you.com. www.pianomusic4you.com.

Do Words Really Hurt?

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 15:53:14 +0000

by Angela Renee

Have you ever been told by someone that you love or by someone of higher authority that words don’t hurt? Have you been told that as long as you are not being hit, that it is ok to be abused?

Well think again because “ABUSE” is abuse whether it is done physical, emotional or both and it affects women’s health just the same because both can leave lifetime scars that will and can hurt you in both your personal and professional life. The old myth has always been, if you are being physically abused to get out while those who were being emotionally abused were seemed to be told nothing! Is it a fact that words don’t hurt?

If that holds true, then does it only become physical abuse when a bruised body part becomes obvious to others? Well, what about an emotional abused person? Does it only become emotional abuse when you have started to believe what you’re told?

Really there is no difference in how emotional and physical abuse affects the mind, body and spirit. Take these thoughts into consideration for a minute or two. A woman who is said to be going through physical abuse also goes through emotional abuse with every kick or hit that’s encountered. Ask them what were they feeling?

Most would tell you that person may or not used words but they surely felt hatred by the person who abused them. Now let’s go through the same process for the women who’s said to be going through emotional abuse. She too experiences physical abuse with every spoken word that strikes and attacks her mind, body and spirit.

About The Author
Hi, my name is Angela Renee a wife, a mother of three and an infopreneur that works to support all mothers especially those with newborns and pre-teens with every single aspect of their life as a woman, as a partner in a relationship, as a mother and so much more at www.worlds-best-mothers-guide.com.

Parenting Yourself When You Have Small Children

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 15:51:49 +0000

by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.There’s no doubt about it – parenting small children takes a lot of time. So much time that it’s very easy to forget about your child within. Yet you cannot be a really good parent while forgetting about your own feelings, needs and well-being.

Haven’t you noticed that if you do not take care of yourself by having enough time for yourself you are much more irritable with your mate and children? Whether your job is being with your children all day, or you work out of the home all day, or you work in your home and tend to your children all day – you need some time for yourself.

When my children were small it was challenging to find the time for myself. I worked at home, tended to my children, and had very little money for household help. Yet if I didn’t have time to myself to read, take a bath, do creative stuff or just stare at a flower, I had a hard time being a patient, loving and fun mom.

What I did at that time is seek out adolescents who loved playing with little kids. I hired them (for not a lot of money – they were delighted to earn a little spending money and get to play with children as well) to play with my kids while I was in the house taking time for myself. After an hour or so of restful or creative time, I was filled up enough within to be able to give to my children. When I didn’t take this time, my own Inner Child would feel unloved, unimportant and resentful.

A part of good parenting is letting your children know that their needs are neither more nor less important than yours. In the past, children were supposed to be seen and not heard and were given the message that adults were more important than children. In more recent times, many children are given the message that their needs and feelings are more important than adults’ needs. Neither message is based on the truth of the equality of each soul. For children to understand this equality, parents need to role model loving their children and loving themselves – not one at the expense of the other. If children are taught that adults are more important then children, the children learn to be caretakers, putting themselves aside in deference to others. If children are taught that children are more important than adults, they learn to be brats, demanding attention and not caring about others. This is just one of the reasons why it is so important for parents to take responsibility for caring about themselves – for lovingly parenting the child within.

It might be helpful to imagine that you have an actual child that lives inside you. You are the mom and dad for this child. You are the only one who can feel and hear this child’s needs and who can take action on behalf of this child. You already know what happens if you ignore the needs of your actual children. In some way or another, they will act out until they get the love and attention they need. The same is true for your Inner Child. Our Inner Child, which is our feeling self, can even cause us to be sick if we don’t pay attention to him or her. Your Inner Child lets you know when you are not being loving to him or her with anxiety, stress, anger, or resentment. When you are feeling these feelings, instead of looking outside yourself for the cause, look at whether or not you are lovingly parenting yourself. It is one of the best things you can do for you and for your children. (For help in self-parenting through the Inner Bonding process, See our FREE Course at www.innerbonding.com).

About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Make Every Day A Mother’s Day!

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 15:49:51 +0000

by Angela Renee

The word mother and mothers day are simple, yet powerful little words that you hear all the time especially so around the time of mothers day when everyone seem to be scrambling for ideas to say thank you, you are surely loved and you are appreciated all over again.

But if you would just take time out, you would realize that useful hints were probably being dropped all alone and throughout the year. In fact, with that special day being only a few weeks away, some of your thoughts at this time can range anywhere from what are you going to do for your mother, spouse or other loved one to should it be a product gift or something more personal. If it is the product route, how can it be made more personalized? If it is the gift of time, how can it be made more personal?

Mothers Day for some will be welcomed with feelings of excitement while for others it may be a day of mixed feelings especially so if the mother you will honor has lost a child to tragedy. So that is why whenever you wish to honor someone in your own little way, you should consider where that person may be in their life and then the event. Many people say that it’s the thought that counts and yes that’s a very good point but so is too know a person and mother’s day is no exception.

To give you some examples, consider a single mother who’s been struggling to raise her children and doing it all alone in every sense of the word, what would make her day on mother’s day? What about a seventy-two year old mother who has raised her children but suddenly took on the new responsibilities of raising her grand children, what would she possibly want or deserve?

Sure a bouquet of flowers or some other last minute gift would be nice and probably get you off the hook but what would that mother really want to do for that special day? Would she want to spend her day filled with family and special friends or have a day of being responsibility free? If you were in that person’s shoes, which would you hope that someone would honor you with for mother’s day?

You see mothers day or any other day can be made more personal when you put some careful thought into your gift idea. What else would that mother enjoy? What has she wanted to do for a long time? What has she not gotten to experience in her lifetime? How can you really show her she is appreciated?

Even a gift that is accompanied with a carefully written letter or note with meaning can put a smile on a mother’s face! Yes, I know this will not work for all moms but that’s why in the article it says that YOU need to really know that person. So please just remember it really is the thought that counts especially when you did take some time out to put some thought into your mother’s day gift.

Oh, one last thing, I invite you to help every day become a Mother’s Day. By the way moms, it is ok to drop hints about how you would like to spend your special day and with hope, your spouse, partner, or other loved one will graciously honor your small request. After all, mother’s day on the calendar only comes once a year.

About the Author
Hi, my name is Angela Renee a wife, a mother of three and an infopreneur that works to support all mothers especially those with newborns and pre-teens with every single aspect of their life as a woman, as a partner in a relationship, as a mother and so much more at www.worlds-best-mothers-guide.com.

Chasing Away the Wintertime Blues

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 15:45:08 +0000

I was just talking to my sister in Christchurch, New Zealand earlier this week and she was complaining that the temperature on her side is “down” to 12°C (54°F). I looked outside where my kids were happily playing because we are finally “up” to 12°C after a long, cold winter. They were wearing light jackets and baseball caps.

What I am trying to say is that winter blues or seasonal affective disorder (SAD) as we call it is a year-round thing, depending on where you are. SAD is a not-very-well-understood but definitely existing psychiatric condition characterized by depressive symptoms during the long, dark, winter months. SAD is said to affect about 2 to 5% of people in the US alone. Other SAD symptoms include:

SAD has two main characteristics:

It is seasonal.
SAD is observed in the winter time when the days are short, and daylight minimal. The symptoms usually start with the onset of autumn, peak in midwinter January when people get over the holiday mood, but resolve as soon as the sun stays a bit longer in spring.

It is geographic.
The incidence of SAD increases as one moves northward (or southward, depending on where you are). In other words, the risk and incidence of SAD is higher in higher latitudes where sunshine is practically non-existent in the winter time and the day basically consists of 24/7 of night time. It is no wonder the suicide rates are very high in winter time in these regions. In addition to the short daylight hours, winter gloominess can also be worsened by fogs and low clouds, something that you get when living close to big lakes like in Switzerland or Scotland. On the other hand, SAD incidence is practically non-existent in the tropics where winter is unheard of.

So how do we fight SAD (isn’t this abbreviation so fitting!)? Here are a few tips to help you through the winter blues:

Go outdoors.
The cure for SAD may just be outside your front door. Take advantage of the short daylight by going out late morning till early afternoon. Have you ever noticed how the snow make everything seems lighter even on the gloomiest day? Make a midday walk a daily routine. You get sunlight, vitamin D, and physical exercise.

Go somewhere bright and light.
If you have the time and the money, then follow the birds and go south (or north), even if only for a couple of days. Those of you living in the US don’t even have to go out of the country. A weekend in southern California or Florida would do just fine. Here in Switzerland, we always get daily information as to which is the closest hilltop or mountaintop to go to in order to escape the lowland fog and low clouds. You’d be surprised at the difference in visibility once you are over the clouds. The sun up there can be blinding.

Make your place as light as possible.
If you don’t have the money for a tropical, sunny vacation, then try making your home as light as possible. White walls are best in keeping a room light and airy. But if you don’t have them and you don’t feel like (understandably!) painting in midwinter, there are other things you can do. Open the curtains, blinds, shutters, drapes or whatever you have on your windows at daytime. Turn on the lights even if it’s daytime. You’d be surprised how dark it is indoors even with artificial light. Indoor illumination is approximately 500 lux. Try taking a picture with your camera. The flash automatically goes on!

Lighten up your clothes.
It’s not only the dark walls and the gloomy rooms that can affect your mood. It strikes me as strange that we tend to dress in dark, drab colors in winter time. Black maybe chic but it’s not the time to make a fashion statement. A little color on yourself could really cheer you up as well as others around you.

Use artificial light.
If you cannot have natural light, then go for the artificial type. Health experts at UC Davis recommend artificial light therapy for those with serious cases of SAD. The standard light therapy equipment is a TV-sized light box with fluorescent bulbs behind a protective filter. The box would emit between 2,500 to 10,000 lux, which is equivalent to the outdoor light at dawn or at dusk. SAD treatment consists of standing in front of the light box between 15 minutes to 2 hours every day and is said to be work better and faster than drugs. The box can be bought or rented.

Medications.
In cases where light therapy alone doesn’t help, the treatment can also be combined with anti-depressants. The drug Prozac seems to work best against SAD, according to the UC Davis experts. However, consult your doctor before taking any anti-depressants.

Choose fiber-rich carbs.
You may not be able to ignore those cravings for carbohydrates any longer. Make sure you go for the carbohydrates rich in fibers: whole grain bread and crackers, whole grain, sugar-free cereals, even whole grain pasta.

Keep a regular sleeping pattern.
If you give in to frequent daytime napping, you will end up not sleeping well at night. Keeping a regular night time sleeping pattern is the best way to avoid sleep disturbances.

Author: Science-Mom

Saying Goodbye to a Drama King

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 15:43:26 +0000

by Dalma Heyn

Charles left her, just left altogether with no satisfactory explanation. Just announced, after six months of a hot-house infatuation that had swept her off her feet, “Sorry, Miranda, this isn’t working” — said it not even kindly, at that — and said he wanted out.

He wasn’t interested in hearing why Miranda thought that in fact it was working; that it was a relationship and relationships needed a little working out now and again. No, he didn’t want to hear it. For him, it was the end. Discussion over. And he never came back.

It always seems unthinkable, this scenario in which a lover not only leaves, but leaves abruptly; runs you over like a train, as if whatever you had together was a meaningless diversion and you, well, you were just something to be left on the side of the curb like roadkill. In all my years of writing about love, this form of goodbye is the one that draws the most letters from readers.

Or maybe you weren’t dumped by a Hit & Run lover but are limping along with someone I call The Visitor — a man who comes and goes at whim and cannot commit to anything other than a measly, “Hey, so, maybe we’ll get together a week from Tuesday, if I don’t have to work and if my mother isn’t coming into town? Or maybe another night that week, maybe? Or something? Whatever.” He’s someone who ascends on you for food, drink, sex — and may or may not stop by again sometime soon, as if you were the owner of a Bed & Breakfast, and you run a good enough establishment for him to return sometime to be served and nurtured again, but only at his leisure.

How do you ever find closure when you’ve been decimated by a Hit & Run? How do you find love with a Visitor who can’t even commit to a definite date? How do you, a 21st century woman, busy and happy and self-sufficient and more successful than women ever were before, extract love and commitment from a 20th century man? For yes, these men — I call them Drama Kings because they’re solo performers, one-man shows who still long for an ancient, man-centric universe — still think the world revolves around them. They still think women are put on earth to please them — but haven’t the talent nor the inclination to return the favor.

How do you cut your losses? I’ll tell you how. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. You remind yourself that you’re lucky to get out. That these guys are exhausting and will always drain you dry. You are too busy, and much too evolved, for this nonsense.

You do not call the Hit & Run lover on his cell phone to locate him, nor to find out why you were so unceremoniously dumped. (You’ll only be humiliated over again. You’ll only hear the most chilling replies — “Oh, it’s you. Um, yeah I know I left you on the side of the road, but I’m busy.” Or, “No, I really don’t want to talk about it.”) You do not try to make a Visitor become a grown-up man who can commit to something more than a “Whatever.” You remember one thing, and one thing only: You do not NEED this man. You have a roof over your head. You are a smart, darling, self-sufficient, loving woman who wants a smart, darling loving man. He is out there, but this one is not the one.

When you’re hurt by a Drama King — of which The Hit & Run and the Visitor are but two of five types — you’ve been hurt by a man who doesn’t care how he behaves. Who doesn’t care to become deeply attached. Like a skilled performer, he only pretended he wanted a relationship, pretended he was fit for love, but in the end, sabotaged them both.

So before we focus on your heartbreak, I want to remind you: Why do you always feel exhausted with Drama Kings? Because they sap your energy. Why do you always feel lonely in your relationship with them? Because they refuse to get close. Why do you always feel anxious and sort of weirdly needy? Because my friend, they aren’t giving you what you need. And never will.

So do not idealize him, and do not blame yourself. You escaped! You avoided spending more time with a love fraud! I once spoke with a woman who’d been dumped as unceremoniously as Miranda was, and listened to her litany of self-blame — she’d “wasted years of my life” with this man; she’d “made a mess” of the relationship, she “should have known it wouldn’t work out.” Awash in misery, I couldn’t get her to rejoice in the fact that she had a chance, now, to find a man able and willing to love her back.

Today, though, I find women recovering quickly and not beating themselves up. Best of all — I find them saying they feel better than they did before they wrestled with their Drama Kings! The hundreds of women I’ve spoken with over the years do NOT stay permanently depleted by these guys: In fact, post-Drama King, strong women only get stronger. They seem to have developed steadily, cumulatively, through their relationships with Drama Kings — no matter how long it lasted or how dramatically it ended. It’s as if the adult woman’s self grows more resilient, more durable — stronger — through even the knottiest, nuttiest relationships — just as a child’s self grows. Kids get through developmental difficulties by working through issues of attachment — and so, I believe, do adults. It’s as though the developing personality is like kindling, needing to rub against another personality in order to create the spark that ignites the ever-growing self. That’s why you will move on from your Drama King ready for love sooner than you think — growing ever more proficient at finding a man who’s able to share center stage; and able to love you back.

Avoiding a Drama King in the future requires holding on to the sense memory of what it feels like to be with one. You have to know your responses, and pay attention to them. That’s why I always ask women, Do you feel exhausted when you’re around him? Lonely? Do you feel as if you’re banging your head against the wall whenever you try to have a discussion? You must remember these questions, and any “yes” answers, because they’re specifically associated with Drama Kings.

One more thing: When you begin to feel sad all over again, and tempted to play the self-blame game, keep this in mind. An involvement so important that you wanted it to last forever is not a “waste of time” because it did not. Few relationships last forever, and the criteria for success have to reflect the realities of the 21st century. That year-long relationship with the guy you loved in college; that fabulous sex you had with the adorable cameraman from L.A. at your first job; those three days we won’t talk about with someone you shouldn’t have been with — they matter, all of them. They not only familiarized you with different kinds of love, but different aspects of yourself in love. Most important, they told you an infinite amount about what you were working through at the time; what was irresistible to you and what was problematic; what developmental issues you were grappling with and what qualities you were searching for and trying to develop in yourself. As I said before, these relationships are what made you who you are today; they made you strong. They gave you self-knowledge. And they prepared you for a deeper, more intimate, love.

We must never, ever, devalue our effort at making love work — to say things like, “All that work for nothing,” or “I gave him the best years of my life,” as if time alone were the measure of love. We must respect the effort and the time we put in. The measure of love is your capacity to offer it openly, and to have the intimacy skills necessary to have the connection that you crave — and a man’s ability to do the same.

Most men have the same capacity. I think that our attraction to Drama Kings, those men who haven’t caught up with us yet, men who have rigid, outdated views of love and life, may be hardwired, a built-in responsiveness to different types of familiar, traditional, masculine stereotypes. We can only move past our training by grappling with one or two. And we all do. And we all wind up exhausted and lonely and wishing we could find someone else, someone who is able to love. And then, stronger, more clearly focused, we move on.

There are fabulous 21st century men out there who know that love isn’t solely a woman’s job. They have learned intimacy skills. They know that 21st century women are very happy to please them, but that the pleasure must be returned — that women want to be pleased, too. They know, too, that the days of standing by your man no matter what are over.

About the Author
Dalma Heyn earned her MSW degree at New York University. Her earlier bestsellers, The Erotic Silence of the American Wife and Marriage Shock, have been published in 24 countries, excerpted in publications all over the world, and hailed by reviewers as “revolutionary,” “extremely important,” and “a deeply provocative breath of fresh air.” She lives with her husband in Westport, Connecticut. For more information, please visit www.dalmaheyn.net.

Healthy Habits: Trans Fats

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 15:42:13 +0000

By Cheryl Tallman and Joan AhlersOver the past several years, trans fats have been the subject of much research and debate. Trans fats are present in foods that contain an ingredient that is “hydrogenated.” In the 1950s food scientists created the hydrogenation process in an effort to replace expensive butter with a solid stick form of liquid vegetable oil. In the development of this process, they also found that hydrogenation improved the shelf life on products. The processed food industry embraced this discovery, because they could improve their profits by shipping larger volumes of foods to grocery stores and let them sit on the shelves longer.

Hydrogenation is great for food companies but the story is different for the consumer. According the US Food and Drug and Administration, “hydrogenated” or “partially Hydrogenated” ingredients contain trans fats. After many years of research, trans fats have been linked to raising LDL cholesterol levels (the bad kind) and lowering HDL cholesterol levels (the good kind). Trans fats are also linked to increased risk of cardiovascular disease and some cancers.

Up until January 2006, avoiding trans fats has required “reading the fine print list of ingredients” on labels. Fortunately, for consumers, the FDA is making it easier for us to identify culprit foods. As of January 2006 all foods containing trans fats must be properly labeled to notify consumers.

This labeling makes it much easier for the consumers, but there is one thing you need to know. An item that advertises “Contains 0 trans fats” may be misleading. The FDA allows food companies to use this claim if there a small amount trans fats. If you wish to avoid trans fats entirely, stay away from all foods that contain “shortening” or “hydrogenated” or “partially hydrogenated” oils as an ingredient.

About the Authors
Cheryl Tallman and Joan Ahlers are sisters, the mothers of five children and founders of Fresh Baby, creators or products such as homemade baby food kits, baby food cookbooks, baby food and breast milk storage trays, breastfeeding reminders, and child development diaries. Visit them online at www.FreshBaby.com and subscribe to their Fresh Ideas newsletter to get monthly ideas, tips and activities for developing your family’s healthy eating habits!

The Power of Delaying to Squash Sugar Cravings

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 15:38:43 +0000

by Connie Bennett

Quite often, wanna-be Sugar Kickers ask me: “How can I curb my carb cravings to keep myself from tasting and then inevitably gobbling handfuls of cookies or crackers?” One of the most powerful and potent strategies is so simple that you’ll wonder why you never tried it in the first place. Simply hold off before doing anything – especially something that you’ll later regret. After all, if you mindlessly shove those fast-acting, Much-Like-Sugar Carbs™ in your mouth, you might later feel wiped out, spaced out, moody and depressed because the numbers on your scale continue to climb. Think about it: Just about all of us are good at delaying in the first place. You know how you keep putting off cleaning the house, giving your boss that proposal or even throwing out the garbage? More to the point, many of us are pretty darn good at procrastinating, right? I know I am. While I’m certainly not proud of this dubious skill, delaying, I’ve found, is a fun, clever way to give procrastination a positive spin! I hit upon this incredible strategy back in 1998 when I kicked sweets and simple carbs on doctor’s orders. To this day, I’m struck by how easy, effortless, and darn effective it is to just delay! Everyone of any age—unless you’re maybe a tot—can cultivate this tactic. All you have to do is promise yourself to hold off for a brief period of time. Then, you can delay over and over again, even for hours. Just think: The next morning you’ll be relieved and proud of yourself that you didn’t cave into your cravings. Here are 7 ways delaying can be your remarkable ally to help you pull the plug on your unwanted sugar habit. (It’s one of “6 D’s” strategies that I’ve developed to help both myself and other “Sugar Kickers.”)

Delaying (first 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours, etc.) before eating that brownie, cookie, or candy bar gives you a golden opportunity to break away from your impulses so that you can easily detach from them.
Delaying for 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, etc. allows your cravings to readily subside while you get involved with other things.
Delaying lets you take positive, health-promoting action by simple inaction. Yes, doing absolutely nothing can be pivotal when kicking or cutting back on sweets and quickie carbs.
Delaying turns procrastinating into an effective art form and proactive gesture.
Delaying allows you to zero in on what foods—if any—you’re really craving. Does your body really need cookies, cake, and pretzels? I highly doubt it!! Or would your amazing body rather have water, fresh vegetables and fruits, high-quality protein or healthy fats?
Delaying gives you a chance to get in touch with your true feelings. What the heck is really going on that makes these quickie carbs so tantalizing to you?
Delaying permits you to take pride in yourself that you put off a short-lived, self-defeating immediate gratification in favor of a long-term positive outcome. (Isn’t it far preferable to lose weight, have more energy and concentrate better than giving in during one moment of weakness and then suffering the consequences?)

In short, simple delaying is truly one of the most effective tools a successful Sugar Kicker can use.Pro-Active Action To Cut Your Cravings
I encourage you to become a delaying artist now. Of course, as you know, “practice makes perfect.”

Next time you have a hankering for something sweet (that’s processed), begin by delaying. Look at your watch or a clock and now wait for 5 minutes before putting any refined sweets in your mouth—you can easily do that!
Now, step outside your obsessive sugary thoughts and wait 10 minutes. It can help if you do something else in the meantime.
Then hold off another 20 minutes. Be creative with your delaying time. Some people find doing the dishes or putting clothes away is a way to pull the plug on your food thoughts.
Then really challenge yourself! Wait an hour, then 2 hours, or maybe even the whole evening. You can do it!
Finally, write about your experience in a journal or notebook.

By delaying, you could learn a lot about yourself and the power of a focused mind.To this day, I thank Ms. Delay for helping me to learn that Life is Sweeter Without Refined Sweets™.

About the Author
Connie Bennett is an ex “sugar addict” and “Sugar Shrew No More!,” who helps folks worldwide stomp out their sugar habit. She is author of SUGAR SHOCK! (Jan. 2007); founder of The 21-Day, Kick-Sugar Countdown Diet™; creator of the SUGAR SHOCK! Blog; a holistic health counselor; and a journalist, who’s contributed to The Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, TV Guide, The Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Living Fit, US, InStyle and cbs.com. To get tips and learn about Connie’s tele-seminars with experts, sign up for the free Stop SUGAR SHOCK! ezine. Copyright © 2006, Stop SUGAR SHOCK™