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Dropping Off at Daycare or Preschool

admin — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 16:22:49 +0000

by Elizabeth Pantley author of The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007)

Does your child dawdle, complain or fuss when you drop her off at daycare or preschool? Some children have a difficult time adjusting to changes. They like things to flow in a predictable way. Anything that upsets their current activity is cause for alarm. These children require a bit more thought to help them maneuver the changes they encounter in their day.

Create very specific routines.
Consistency can help your child be more comfortable. Very specific means that you do and say the exact same things every time you drop her off and pick her up. For example, park in the same area, enter through the same door, approach the cubby, hang the coat, check the job chart and comment on the day’s assignment, give two hugs and two kisses and say, “See ya later alligator!”

Let your child know when you will arrive each day.
It’s comforting for a child to know that you will be there at a certain time. Tie in your arrival with a specific activity, such as after snack time, and let your child know when to expect you.

Schedule an adjustment period.
When you drop off your child, and again when you pick her up, allow a five-minute adjustment period. (The time is worth it, as you’ll save at least fifteen minutes of fussing!) When you arrive at the center allow your child to play or show you something for five minutes. When it’s time to leave, use a fun indicator, such as a tickle on the neck, or hold up your key ring and have it tell your child (in a funny voice) that the car is waiting and ready to go.

Have a fun routine for the drive home.
Leave a snack bag on your child’s seat with different contents every day, such as graham crackers, dry cereal, pretzels, or fruit. Play a certain game in the parking lot as you walk to the car, such as counting all the red cars you see, or counting your steps. Mention something that your child can look forward to at home, such as reading the new library books, or Grandpa coming over for dinner.

Don’t cater to the complaints.
If you try to hard to convince her that everything is okay you may just make her nervous. Instead, stay light-hearted and have confidence that everything will be fine. Most children stop crying within five minutes of a parent’s departure. Ask your daycare provider if this is true for your child. If you’d like, call the center when you get to work or arrive at home, so they can reassure you that your child has finished crying and is playing happily.

Don’t get mad.
Your anger will just make your child fuss and cry even more, and it won’t solve a thing. It’s also a very unpleasant way to start the day (for both of you.)
Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

About the author:
Elizabeth Pantley is the author of several books, including Gentle Baby Care : No-cry, No-fuss, No-worry — Essential Tips for Raising Your Baby, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, Kid Cooperation (with an introduction by William Sears, MD), Perfect Parenting, as well as her latest The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers and is also president of Better Beginnings, Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues, and her newsletter, Parent Tips, is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest, and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American Baby, Working Mother, and Woman’s Day magazines. Visit Elizabeth’s web site http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

Working Full Time through Pregnancy

admin — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 23:52:27 +0000

by Rachel Paxton

It’s not easy working a full time job throughout your pregnancy. You may be at work out of choice, or out of necessity, but either way you need to take some extra precautions in taking care of yourself during the coming months.

It is very important to keep your stress level as low as possible during this time, and that’s not always easy. You will find yourself prioritizing your activities, and filtering out unnecessary tasks. My work schedule isn’t particularly demanding, but I have had to cut down on evening activities in order to make time for exercise and extra rest, two things that don’t come very easily to me.

When you’re supermom, taking time for extra rest is extremely important. When I first found out that I was pregnant, I had to keep reminding myself that I needed to slow down and rest more, including going to bed earlier. I resisted a little until I discovered that I am expecting twins. After recovering from that shock (I still haven’t), I decided that no activities were more important than getting my much needed rest. Rest is something you may not getting much of after your baby is born.

Don’t be afraid to ask for extra help around the house, with pet chores (don’t touch that litter box!), laundry, cooking, dishes, etc. Your husband and older children are perfectly capable of helping out, and will probably be more than happy to if you ask. Or, it just might not get done occasionally. My husband is getting used to the fact that he is “on his own” for dinner a night or two out of each week when I’m not hungry or can’t bear to cook.

Exercise is also very important, especially if you work in front of a computer all day. If you are able to join a family court club, they have many activities to choose from for the whole family. Ours offers a prenatal water aerobics class. If you can’t afford the monthly dues, often you can pay a one-time fee for a particular class. At the very least, get out and walk as much as you can, during your lunch hour or in the evenings.

I’m still in the first stages of pregnancy where most food doesn’t sound very appetizing. My tastes are constantly changing. I try to bring a variety of foods to work with me so that something will sound good when it’s time to eat. Lately I have been eating dried fruits, instant oatmeal, canned fruit cocktail, bananas, apples, tuna and sprouts on a wheat bagel, and chicken cup-of-soup. The hardest thing for me is drinking the 8 plus cups of water a day. I feel like I’m going to float away and hate getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I have been assured that drinking all this water will keep me from getting too bloated later in the pregnancy.

It can be hard to find good maternity work clothes. Look for local consignment stores and on Ebay.com. You will find a lot of great deals there and not have to pay “new” prices. Buy several pairs of neutral pants that will go with any top, and that will help save on your wardrobe.

Now is the time to start looking into your employer’s maternity benefits, if any. I have 6 weeks short-term disability I can use, at 66% of my current income. Income taxes, 401K, etc., are not deducted. If you plan ahead, you can take the time off you need without a large financial burden. Find out ahead of time what paperwork needs to be filled out and by when. Your doctor may need to fill out some of the paperwork for you.

If someone is to fill in for you while you’re away from the office, plan ahead and make sure someone knows what you do every day. My doctor told me I could be in bed as early as 6 months, and I have to plan on that even if it doesn’t happen. Don’t leave your employer without a replacement, if possible.

Don’t be afraid to get up and walk around when you need a break or to kick your shoes off under your desk when no one’s looking. Hopefully your employer is watching out for you and wants to help you through a successful pregnancy.

About the Author
Rachel Paxton is a freelance writer, mom, and owner of several home and family web sites. To sign up for her bi-weekly newsletter and to find complete resources for the Christian home, visit her web site at http://www.Christian-Parent.com.

A Celebration of Family

admin — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 15:23:03 +0000

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

International Parenting Commitment Day, March 20th is fast approaching. What do you have planned to celebrate this special day? Are you ready to commit or recommit to the sacred and important role of parenting so you can uplift, encourage, and inspire your children to become responsible, caring, confident people?

Please consider joining with millions of parents around the world who are making a commitment to parent with purpose. To celebrate International Parenting Commitment Day with your family consider implementing one of the following celebrations/rituals.

Commitment Celebrations

Pledge night
Convene a family meeting. Propose that the family design a pledge that reflects your belief that feelings of oneness and a sense of belonging are important in your family. Include the importance of placing family first, honoring each other’s uniqueness, and the security of family structure somewhere in your pledge. Allow all family members to have input by inviting suggestions and reaching a mutual consensus on the pledge. Display your pledge prominently in your home.

Principles of work
Create a poster to display at you work site. Include beliefs you have about how you want to “BE” during your work time. Include items such as treat others with respect, listen to other’s ideas, encourage others, and keep confidences private. Put at least 10 items on your Principles of Work. At the top add, SUCCEED AT HOME FIRST. Share your work principles with your family.

Goal setting evening
After your children are in bed for the evening, set some family goals with you spouse. Pick two or three to focus on for the upcoming year. With each goal you choose, list activities you can do that will help you move in the direction of accomplishing it.

Example:
Goal: Use self-responsible language with our children.
Activities:

Eliminate the words “Makes me” from our language patterns. Change “You make me mad,” to “I am feeling angry about this.”
Use the words “choose/decide/pick” over and over with our children. We will say, “I see you chose to help your brother,” and “If you choose to throw the toy you will be choosing to give it a rest on the shelf for awhile.”
We will stop “shoulding” on our children. We intend to replace our “shoulds” with “coulds.”

Balloon release
Buy two helium filled balloons. Write several parenting concerns on file cards that have troubled you recently. Also fill file cards with parenting stressors, situations that you create stress around with your children (loud radios, poor table manners, etc). Attach the cards to the balloon strings. Go outside, say a prayer asking God to take your stress and concerns and handle it in a way that achieves the greatest good for all concerned. Communicate your desire to be free of stress. Take a few deep breaths. Release the balloon, you concerns, and your stress into the air. Watch as the balloons carry your problems away. Feel lighter after having let go of all that stress.

Warm-fuzzy clothesline
A warm-fuzzy is a compliment (written or verbal) that is given to another person. Why not begin a warm-fuzzy clothesline in you home? Have each family member decorate clothes pins in their own image and write their names on them. Hang them on a clothesline that you place in a prominent spot in your home (kitchen or den wall). Use the clothespins as mini-mailboxes to share notes of encouragement, affirmation and praise with one another. Model this technique by sending at least one a day yourself.

Use this special day, March 20, to re-connect with your children by celebrating your mutual caring using one of the rituals above. When you do you will be demonstrating the importance you place on the sacred role of parenting. Enjoy.

About the Author
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose.They also publish a FREE email newsletter for parents. Subscribe to it at ipp57@aol.com. Visit www.chickmoorman.com, www.thomashaller.com, and www.10commitments.net.

Potty Training Techniques That Don’t Work

admin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 15:58:35 +0000

by Danna Henderson

Your attitude and actions have a huge impact on your child’s potty training success. The following potty training techniques don’t work and should never be done:

Punishing your child for accidents
Making your child wear soiled diapers or underwear
Making your child sit on the potty for more than 5 to 10 minutes at a time
Making your child “hold it” if he or she needs to go
Making your child sit on the potty when he or she is crying

Try to make potty training fun and exciting for your child. Positive reinforcement generates better results than negative reinforcement. Browse our selection of potty training products to choose the right product to use with your chosen potty training technique.

Danna Henderson
ZIP Baby
101 Convention Center Drive, Ste 700
Las Vegas, NV 89109
www.zipbaby.com

About The Author
Danna Henderson started ZIP Baby in order to provide parents with comprehensive potty training information as well as a large variety of potty training products. For more information about potty training, visit the ZIP Baby Potty Training Store.

Supporting Mom When She Returns to Work

admin — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 19:10:15 +0000

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: We have a three-month old baby. My wife really doesn’t want to go back to work so soon, but the sad fact is that we can’t get along without her salary. She’s really unhappy about having to leave the baby. Is there anything I can do to help her feel better?

Armin answers:
Unfortunately, with more and more families relying on two incomes, there’s a lot of pressure on new moms to go back to work. That explains why a third of new moms are on the job again only six weeks after giving birth, and two thirds are working after 12 weeks.

While some of these women are glad to be back at work, a large percentage—including your wife—are anything but glad. In fact, a lot of them are just plain miserable, worried that they’ve failed as mothers, and wishing they’d win the lottery so they could quite their job. This can be a very tough time for your wife and she’s going to need your help and support to get through it. Here’s what you can do:

Be flexible. When it comes to coming up with an acceptable work-family balance, your wife may not be operating completely rationally. Let me give you an example of what I mean. Before my youngest was born, my wife and I discussed having her to stay home full time for five months, work part time for four months, and then transition to full time. All that changed when the baby was born. All of a sudden she didn’t want to go back to work at all. But in the interests of being able to make our mortgage payment (as you know, Bay Area real estate is outrageously expensive), she decided to do a full year part time before going to full time. Everything changed again after her first week back at the office. Now she decided that she wanted to stay part time until the baby entered preschool. Obviously, you and your wife have to keep talking about this stuff. And you have to find reasonable (and fiscally responsible) ways of making sure that everyone’s needs are met, or that they’re at least taken into consideration. That means listening to each other carefully and respectfully and acknowledging the pressures that each of you face.
Get your childcare situation in order. Fear that the baby won’t be adequately cared for is what many new mothers find most unsettling about going back to work.
Take the pressure off her. In most families, regardless of how enlightened and egalitarian they want to be, working mothers still do most of the work at home. Because so much of women’s identity is tied up in motherhood, your wife may try to do more than she can really handle—just to show herself and anyone else she thinks might be paying attention. Don’t let her. Instead, anticipate what has to be done and take care of it in advance. Simple things like making sure the table is set and dinner is ready when she comes home are great and will do wonders for her mood. If you get home later than she does, make a habit of doing something nice for her on a regular basis. Massages, a few hours alone with you, and even renting a video and snuggling up on the couch will really help. And make sure that you remind her frequently what a great mom she is even though she has to be away.
Let her spend more time with the baby. If you and your wife are both working, you’re both going to miss your baby and you’re both going to want to spend time with him from the moment you walk in the door. Be a nice guy and let your wife have first dibs. This is especially important if she’s still nursing; her breasts may be ready to explode by the time she gets home and she may need to have the baby Hoover her out.

About the Author:
Armin Brott, hailed by Time as “the superdad’s superdad,” has written or co-written six critically acclaimed books on fatherhood, including the newly released second edition of Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post among others. Armin is an experienced radio and TV guest, and has appeared on Today, CBS Overnight, Fox News, and Politically Incorrect. He’s the host of “Positive Parenting,” a weekly radio program in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com.

Eight Things Women Can Do To Get Fathers More Involved

admin — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:56:46 +0000

by Armin Brott

About 90 percent of couple’s experiences an increase in stress after their children are born. And the number one stressor, by far, is the division of labor in the home. Unfortunately, even the most egalitarian couples tend to slip into traditional roles, which mean that you’ll probably end up doing more of the housework and childcare than your partner.

Research shows that the more equitably domestic tasks are distributed, the happier wives (and husbands) are with their marriages. So resolving these issues may be critical to the health and success of your relationship. How are you going to do it? Well, if your goal is to make the division of labor around your house fairer to you, take a deep breath and read on.

1. Look at it from his perspective

2. Don’t ask for help
Just as men need to re-think their family roles as “assistants” to mothers, women need to change their ideas about what’s reasonable to expect from their partners. Asking him for “help” only reinforces the view that he shouldn’t have much responsibility for the care and management of children. Of course, that doesn’t you shouldn’t ask him to do his share, of course he should. Asking for “help” makes it seem like whatever he’s “helping” with is really your job and that you should be grateful.

3. Adjust your standards
Let’s face it, men and women often have very different standards. “When my husband says the kitchen is clean he means that the dishes are in the dishwasher,” says one mother. “The counter can still be filthy and the floor can still be covered with dirt.” Adjusting your standards to his level doesn’t mean that the kids will be wearing the same clothes every day. Also, there are a lot of different ways to change diapers, play, teach, and entertain the children. Yours isn’t always the right one. The fact is that if you adjust your standards, your husband will be more involved in the household and with the kids. No child ever suffered a long term trauma by having her diaper put on a bit looser than it should be or by going out of the house with oatmeal stuck in her hair. It’s hard to shift standards because for many women attention to domestic issues is part of their upbringing and part of they define themselves.

4. Go on strike
The days of the “second shift” where women try to do it all—work outside all day and do all the work at home, too—are over. Let your spouse or partner know that you have limits. A well-timed “your arm’s not broken, do it yourself” may occasionally be a helpful reminder that men and women are partners in parenting.

Because you may begin to notice the unswept coffee grounds before he does, one of your biggest challenges may be to close your eyes to the mess and stick to your guns. Your partner will certainly get the message when he runs out of clean underwear. But if he senses that you’ll give in before he does, he’ll never learn to do his part.

5. Be (a little) insincere
As a group, men generally dislike doing things that make them feel incompetent. At the same time, they’re suckers for compliments. So, one of the best ways to get your partner to do something he doesn’t like to do is to praise him even when you know you could do it better. Television characters from Lucy Ricardo to Roseanne Conner figured this out long ago, and the same applies in real life: sweet-talk soothes; nagging only irritates. Tell him what a great job he’s doing already and ask him to do the same thing again. Indirect compliments are effective too—let him hear you raving to a friend about how well he’s done some recent task. Sound manipulative? Maybe but it works. The more he feels that you’re noticing and appreciating his efforts, the more he’ll do. Guaranteed.

6. Don’t be a gatekeeper
Many women tend to take charge of the household and childcare domains because this is the one arena that they can still control. But far too many women are so intent on keeping control of the household that they don’t leave enough space for their partners to participate. For other women, control is not the issue, they just assume that men are either uninterested or incompetent. And men get the message: many find it easier to just back off. Your partner is part of the first generation of fathers to be seriously expected to take an active role in the home. By the time women become mothers, most have had years of subtle (or not so subtle) training. Female role models are plentiful, as are resources, from women’s magazines to breastfeeding guides. But good male role models are rare, as is information specifically designed to help men prepare for fatherhood. The moral of the story? Even if you know how to stop the baby from crying, let your partner try to figure it out for himself before jumping in. Men and women have different approaches to the same issue and fathers need the confidence that only comes with practice. Letting him develop his own parenting style will also give your family twice as many baby-care options.

Especially after divorce, mothers need to open the gates and let their children have access to their fathers. It is important to remember that they may be ex-husbands but they’ll never be ex-fathers.

7. Share and share alike
No single job in your home is any more valuable than any other, so assign everything to the most qualified person—unless, of course, that turns out to be completely unfair. So make a list of everything that needs to get done. If you’re good at something or like to do it, it’s yours. (At the same time, your partner gets to do his chores his way.)

Another option is to assign tasks to whichever of you cares the most. If a scummy bathtub bugs you more than it does him, clean it yourself. If he hates crumbs on the carpet, he gets to vacuum. Problems can arise, though, when one of you says, “Gee honey, nothing bothers me,” and the other gets stuck doing it all. These situations call for careful negotiation. You can do the more unpleasant jobs together or, if the budget permits, hire someone to do them for you. And just to make sure that everyone gets to have fun, switch responsibilities once in a while (if for no other reason than to get a better appreciation of what the other does). And be willing to bend gender stereotypes along with your partner. If you expect him to plan a meal and cook it, you should be prepared to unclog the toilet or change the oil in the car.

8. Re-define work
When dividing up responsibilities many couples have trouble defining what, exactly, the term “work” means. In many families, for example, couples err by neglecting to give parenting the same weight as ordinary chores. Yet childcare takes at least as much time, and may be just as tiring, as shopping and mopping. So even if your partner is wrestling with the baby while you’re making dinner, things might not be as unequal as they seem. True, he may be having more fun but somebody has to do it. And if he plays with the baby today, he can fix dinner tomorrow while you wrestle.

The New Man may strike you as a great idea. But the Old Man has been around for tens of thousands of years, and he’s not going to disappear overnight. Even in these relatively enlightened times much of the domestic burden is going to continue to fall on you. But not all of it, and not all the time. You may need to give your expectations a reality check. Change between you and your partner may be slow. But if you work it out, you’ll see significant improvement—in your workload, in the quality of your marriage, and in your life together as parents.

Daddy Stress

admin — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:54:14 +0000

by Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: My son was born four months ago, and things are starting to settle down. But every time I sit down to do some extra work on the computer, I feel guilty about leaving my wife to take care of him since she’s with him all day long. I try to help, but I also need to get ahead with work. What should I do?

Armin answers: The first thing you need to do is not let your guilt get out of hand. A little bit of guilt is okay, but some fathers (and mothers)–in an effort to make themselves feel better about not being able to spend enough time with their children–end up withdrawing from their kids emotionally. Leaving your wife to take care of the baby is a habit you don’t want to get into (and if you notice yourself doing this, there’s still time to stop). The earlier you and your baby start getting to know one another, the closer and better your relationship will be.

Another common trap parents sometimes fall into is trying hard to make up for lost time. You might, for example, attempt to cram as much active, physical father/baby interaction as you can into the few hours you do have together in the evenings after work. While all that activity might make you feel a little better about being away from your baby during the day, you’ll also end up overstimulating him. So before you start tickling and wrestling and playing with the baby, spend a few minutes reading or cuddling with him, quietly getting to know each other again. At four months, a day away from you is a long time for your baby. You’ll both feel a lot better if you spend a little quiet time reconnecting.

While there’s no practical way for you to make up for the time you’re spending away from your child, it’s important that you find some middle ground. Separate work time from time with your child. Make sure that whenever you’re with the baby, you’re with him 100 percent. Forget the phone, the computer, the newspapers, or the TV. You can do all those things after the baby goes to sleep, before he wakes up, or while he’s busy nursing. You also might want to explore some different scheduling options for your office: getting into work an hour or two early might give you and your baby a few relaxed hours together in the afternoons. And telecommuting to work one day a week allows you to spend your commute time reading your son a book instead of sitting in traffic.

22 Discipline Ideas that Really Work

admin — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 18:44:37 +0000

by Armin Brott

At one time or another, all parents struggle with discipline—establishing and enforcing limits, and getting their kids to speak to them respectfully and do what they’re supposed to do. But remember: discipline isn’t only about correction.

It’s also about teaching kids to control themselves and care about others so they can grow up to be productive members of society. Here are some approaches you can use to help your kids to do just that:

Be firm. Set reasonable limits, explain them, and enforce them.
Be consistent. Your child will learn to adapt to inconsistencies between you and your partner: if you allow jumping on the bed but she doesn’t, for example, the child will do it when he’s with you and won’t when he’s with your partner. However, if you allow jumping one day and prohibit it the next, you’ll only confuse your child and undermine your attempts to get him to listen when you ask him to do something.
Compromise. Kids can’t always tell the difference between big and little issues. So give in on a few small things once in a while (an extra piece of birthday cake at the end of a long day might avoid a tantrum). That will give the child a feeling of control and will make it easier for him to go along with the program on the bigger issues (holding hands while crossing the street, for example).
Be assertive and specific. “Stop throwing your food now” is much better than “cut that out!”
Give choices. Kathryn Kvols, author of Redirecting Children’s Behavior, suggests, for example, that if your child is yanking all the books off a shelf in the living room, you say, “Would you like to stop knocking the books off the shelf or would you like to go to your room?” If he ignores you, gently but firmly lead the child to his room and tell him he can come back into the living room when he’s ready to listen to you.
Cut down on the warnings. If the child knows the rules (at this age, all you have to do is ask), impose the promised consequences immediately. If you make a habit of giving six preliminary warnings and three “last” warnings before doing anything, your child will learn to start responding only the eighth or ninth time you ask.
Link consequences directly to the problem behavior. And don’t forget–clearly and simply–to explain what you’re doing and why: “I’m taking away your hammer because you hit me,” or “I asked you not to take that egg out of the fridge and you didn’t listen to me. Now you’ll have to help me clean it up.”
No banking. If you’re imposing punishments or consequences, do it immediately. You can’t punish a child at the end of the day for something (or a bunch of things) he did earlier–he won’t associate the undesirable action and its consequence.
Keep it short. Once the punishment is over (and whatever it is it shouldn’t last any more than a minute per year of age), get back to your life. There’s no need to review, summarize, or make sure the child got the point.
Stay calm. Screaming, ranting, or raving can easily cross the line into verbal abuse that can do long-term damage to your child’s self-esteem.
Get down to your child’s level. When your talking to your child—especially to criticize–kneel or sit. You’ll still be big enough that he’ll know who the boss is.
Don’t lecture. Instead, ask questions to engage the child in a discussion of the problematic behavior: “Is smoking cigars okay for kids or not?” “Do you like it when someone pushes you down in the park?”
Criticize the behavior, not the child. Even such seemingly innocuous comments as “I’ve told you a thousand times…” or “Every single time you…” gives the child the message that he’s doomed to disappointing you no matter what he does.
Reinforce positive behavior. We spend so much time criticizing negatives and not enough time complimenting the positives. Heartfelt comments like “I’m so proud of you when I see you cleaning up your toys,” go a long way.
Play games. “Let’s see who can put the most toys away” and “I bet I can put my shoes on before you can” are big favorites. But be sure not to put away more toys or to put your shoes on first–kids under five have a tough time losing.
Avoid tantrums. Learn to recognize the things that trigger your child’s tantrums. The most common include exhaustion, overstimulation, hunger, and illness. Keeping those factors to a minimum will go a long way toward reducing tantrums.
No spanking. It’s bad for the kids and bad for you. Children who get spanked are more likely to suffer from poor self-esteem and depression. They’re also more likely to believe that it’s okay to hit other people when they’re mad. After all, you do.
No shaking. It may seem like a less violent way of expressing your frustrations than spanking, but it really isn’t. Shaking your baby can make his little brain rattle around inside his skull, possibly resulting in brain damage.
No bribes. It’s tempting to pay a child off to get him to do or not do something. But the risk–and it’s a big one–is that he will demand some kind of payment before complying with just about anything.
Be a grown-up. Biting your child or pulling his hair to demonstrate that biting or hitting is wrong or doesn’t feel good will backfire. Guaranteed.
Offer cheese with that whine. Tell your child that you simply don’t respond to whining and that you won’t give him what he wants until he asks in a nice way–and stick with it.
Set a good example. If your child sees you and your partner arguing without violence, he’ll learn to do the same. If he sees you flouting authority by running red lights, he’ll do the same.

Above all, make sure you understand your child. Trying to discipline him without understanding why he’s doing what he’s doing is a little like taking cough syrup for emphysema: the thing that’s bugging you goes away for a while, but the underlying problem remains–and keeps getting worse with time. The most direct way to solve this is to simply ask your child what’s going on and why he’s acting the way he is–in many case he’ll tell you. If he won’t tell you or doesn’t have the vocabulary to do so, make an educated guess (”Are you writing on the walls because you want me to spend more time with you?”).

Leaving for Work Without a Fuss

admin — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:42:56 +0000

by Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Perfect Parenting and Kid Cooperation

Question:
My son fusses, whines, and complains every morning when I get ready to leave for work. I have to work, and I want to work, but my son’s attitude makes me feel terrible. Also, this is a lousy way to start the day.

Think about it:
Children easily pick up on a parent’s ambivalence about going to work. If you have mixed feelings about leaving your child and going off to work, it’s very possible your child is picking up on those feelings. If you’re leaving your child with a competent caregiver, it’s perfectly okay for you to go to work. As a matter of fact, some people are better parents because of the break that going to work provides them. Reconcile your own feelings so that you can start leaving for the day with a confident, cheerful attitude.

Convey a positive attitude:
Don’t get upset and apologize for leaving your child. Try to convey to your child a calm confidence about the situation. Leave for the day with a wave and a smile on your face. Let your parting comments be positive, “You can show me what you paint with your new paint set when I get home. I’ll be looking forward to it. Have a great day!”

Don’t prolong your leaving:
Keep your good-bye brief. Have a routine for leaving. Use the same sequence each time you leave. For young children, this routine might include pretending to give your child a “little tiny Mommy” to put in his pocket, and taking an imaginary mini-version of your child to put in your pocket. Some kids enjoy being your “helper” and buttoning your coat, carrying your briefcase to the door, or unlocking your car. They can then send you on your way, which puts them in more of a position of control over the situation.

Take away the mystery:
Let your child visit your place of work so he can see where you will be during the day. Allow him to sit in your seat, use your phone or computer, and meet the people you spend your time with. Then, let him check in with you, if possible, at a specific time of the day. You can then explain where you are, and what you’re doing, and he’ll have a mental picture of your workplace. Many children feel better about letting you leave after this experience.

Let him know you understand:
Acknowledge his feelings, and help him understand them. But equally important, reassure him and help him deal with the feelings and learn to get by them. “I know you miss Mommy when I go to work. I miss you too. That’s become we love each other and like to be together. I do need to go to work every day. I like my work. You have lots of things to do when I’m gone. You can tell me all about your day when I get home.”

Secrets to Working and Pumping

admin — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 22:29:36 +0000

by: Patty Hone

When I had my first son I hadn’t planned to go back to work. I suddenly had to return to the workforce when he was three months old. I was completely unprepared and my son went from an exclusively breastfeeding baby to a mostly formula baby within a short period of time. I learned a lot from my experience with him and was much more prepared when I had my daughter. I was able to exclusively breastfeed her and work full time. Because of what I went through, the emotions of trying to pump enough milk for the next day, I wanted to gather up all my tips and write them down for others to use. I hope that you find these tips helpful.

Plan ahead if possible. Get a freezer stash going before you go back to work.
Do not just pump at work. Pump at home on your days off and before and after work.
Pump while nursing. Pump on one side while nursing on the other.
Find a good place to pump, where you are comfortable and can relax.
Make sure everyone at work knows how important breastfeeding is and not to interrupt you.
Drink plenty of fluids through out the day. Drink a large glass of water about an hour before you are going to pump.
Use a good quality double breast pump like the Ameda Purely Yours.
If your supply is dwindling rent a hospital grade pump.
Find other moms to talk to that are breastfeeding and pumping.
Do not get discouraged if you don’t pump a large volume at once. Most moms pump around three oz per pumping.
Pump frequently. Pumping frequently is more important than how long you pump.
Try to pump at least every three hours.
Pumping is NOT as efficient as nursing. Do not gauge your milk supply by how much you pump. Your baby will get more milk from nursing than you will make from pumping.
Before you nurse, relax and do a quick breast massage. This will help you get a better let down.
Any time you give your baby a bottle make sure you pump in place of that.
Nurse frequently at night or try reverse cycling. Reverse cycling is when baby nurses more at night than during the day.
Co-sleep with baby if you are comfortable so he can nurse more at night. Nursing at night will help your supply.
Try drinking Mothers Milk tea.
Eat a bowl of oatmeal in the morning. Oatmeal is really good for boosting milk supply.
Avoid giving bottle to baby before he is three weeks.
Use a slow flow nipple for your bottles.
Find a day care provider that is a breastfeeding supporter. An uneducated day care provider can sabotage your success.
Take Fenugreek or Blessed Thistle
If you need to supplement when you are home use a Supplemental Nursing System.
Do not assume because baby is fussing it is your supply. Many times baby will fuss for other reasons.
When preparing bottles for day care, store them in three oz portions. Your baby will likely only need three oz at a time. If he needs more up it to four.
Send small 2 oz bottles of breast milk for day care provider to give to baby if you will be picking him up soon. This way baby will be ready to nurse when you get him home.
Nurse on your lunch break if you can.
Take picture of baby with you to work. Look at your baby when you are pumping. It will help with your let down.
Have a nurse in. On the weekend spend the entire weekend in bed with your baby and nurse as frequently as you can.
During pumping session, take a break when your milk stops flowing. Massage your breast and use nipple stimulation to get a second let down. You will usually get another oz or so if you can get a second let down.
Cut down on caffeine. Caffeine will hinder your supply
Don’t do extreme dieting. Eat a healthy diet.
Contact a La Leche League Leader or lactation consultant for advice.
Avoid using bottles and pacifiers when you are home.
Try switch nursing when you are home. Nurse on one side then switch to the other when baby seems to be getting fussy. Switch sides two or three times while nursing.
Remind yourself of all the benefits your baby is getting and that it’s worth it!
Keep your pump pre-assembled so that you can keep your pumping breaks shorter.
If your using a pump with horns put them in a Ziploc bag and store them in the freezer between pumpings. This way you can just wash them when you get home.
If you can, do paperwork while pumping. This way you can have more pumping breaks and you will relax more if you are not focused on pumping.
Don’t watch the pump. Staring at the pump watching for milk will make your session more stressful.
Adjust the suction controls, experiment with the speed and suction until you find what works best for you.
Keep spare parts readily available for your pump so you don’t have any emergencies.
If you own a hands free pump like whisperwear try pumping on the drive to work.
Massage your breasts while you pump.
Bring a baby blanket or item of clothing that smells like baby. Use your senses to visualize your baby.
Close your eyes and picture baby nursing.
Keep a back up pump at work or in your car in case you forget. The Avent Isis is affordable and a great pump to have for a backup.
Pat yourself on the back for giving your baby the best!

About the Author:
Patty Hone is a wife and mommy to three kids. She is also the owner of Mommiesmall.com. For quality breast pumps, slings, and other attachment parenting products please visit her site at Mommiesmall.com