Toddlers?…No problem!
by Kristyna CullenKids don’t come with a handbook; I keep trying to tell myself that. As a mother of three babies under the age of three, it is becoming a daily thought for me. My daughter Rielly has just turned three and has approached the age of defiance and independence. Her younger brother Jamieson, 19 months, struggles to keep up with her, but is very much in harmony with his younger brother Connor, 5 months. With every day that passes I find myself questioning more and more about what I am doing, and what the residual outcome on their personalities will be.
Coming from a large family of seven, resulting in a plethora of nieces and nephews (10 to be exact!), I find that instead of being more secure in my own parenting skills, I am more apprehensive than I ever expected myself to be. Today’s parents are bombarded with so much information about what to do or not to do. Do I discipline with a smack or with words, or a combination of both? Just how long do I let her cry at night, as the wallpaper comes peeling off with every scream, and the door jam buckles with every kick? The girl has got stamina and those nightly delay tactics can last for hours! And do I make her sit at the table until all the food on her plate is gone?
If I was to ask my mother any of these questions, her answers are my own experiences. I lived through them and I remember everything! My mother was no tyrant, but she did keep us all in line and I am so very thankful for that, but I often wonder how did she get us to behave? I have asked my mother that very question, and she had the reply “I just did what I needed to do.” We weren’t always in trouble, we just somehow “knew better”. She also said that one day I would find out for myself. So far, I have no clue.
I don’t necessarily agree with every rule my mother had, but some how she made it all work. I have tried different types of discipline techniques for my daughter, from bribery, to the time out chair, to just putting her in her room to scream it out and fall asleep. The problem is… she is just like me. I find that I am fighting with myself. I often have to give my head a shake and remember that she is three and there is no reasoning with a three-year-old.
I just hope that as time goes by, she remembers that I am her mother, I made her, and she is part of me, she can’t kid a kidder! I hope she knows that no mater how “mean” I appear to be, I will always love her and always be her friend. I am worried though, that she may outsmart me one day, that is a day I dread. I am making such an effort to remember every thought I ever had as a teenager, no matter how painful, distorted or unrealistic, in the hopes that it will help me with the challenges that lie ahead with my precious daughter when she gets to those dreaded teenage years.
There is so much those parenting books don’t tell you about the real parenting experience. Such as what it feels like to teach your children to fall asleep on their own. And about how, in order for them to learn for themselves, you have to sit back and watch your children make mistakes, with the hopes that they will see the truth behind your advice. The books make it seem like it is a difficult journey the children must endure.
What they don’t tell you, is that the hardest part of it all is how we, as parents, must hold back and refrain from acting on those God-given impulses that make us the parents we are. We mustn’t go running in the room when our child yells bloody murder to get out at bedtime. We must remember that our children won’t starve themselves, so it is ok to leave food on their plate and for them not eat if they choose not to, in order to develop healthy views on mealtime.
We must watch our daughters fall for that boy that we know is no good for her, only to watch her heart get broken. But as long as we are there to help them pick up the pieces later, and to, God forbid, encourage more growth and maturity, than I guess all our painful actions (or lack there of) will not go unrewarded.
I do often doubt my parenting skills when I listen to the nonchalant ramblings of others about parent dos and don’ts. But as look at my precious babies today, as I uncurl Jamieson’s fingers from his sisters hair, jiggle Connor on my knee wildly, and offer more stickers to Rielly for successful trips to the bathroom, I wouldn’t have my family any other way. Except maybe a little quieter…nah, I like the squeals!
About the Author
My name is Kristyna Cullen and I have been married for 9 years. After five years of trying to get pregnant and sustain the pregnancy (after two over 12 week old miscarriages with D&C’s, and oral progesterone) I finally delivered my first child, a baby girl Rielly, in 2001. A difficult pregnancy and even more difficult delivery, complicated by gestational diabetes, and low hormone levels. But following the same protocol, I successfully had two more baby boys, Jamieson 2002, and Connor 2003. I have returned to work full time as a cytotechnologist at a medical laboratory in Mississauga and share daycare with my husband, who also works full time as a transit operator. I live in Brampton, where my daughter has just begun JR kindergarten. I happily take refuge in my newly purchased first home with all of my wonderful children and their just as stressed, father…my husband Gerry. We have two birds, four koi, three goldfish, two hermit crabs and a hamster…and a partridge in a pear tree!
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