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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HOW I FEEL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Go ahead and mention my child,
The one who died you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further,
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing.
I feel it will take a lifetime.
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~~WITH LOTS OF LOVE & ANGEL KISSES..FROM YOUR ANGEL~~
I was sitting here in Heaven and having a wonderful day,
I started thinking about you and all the things I didn't get a chance to say;
I don't want you to worry about me and please don't shed any tears,
Because I will wait for you in heaven if it takes a hundred years;
Everything you have on Earth I have in heaven too!
My first day here my body became brand new;
It is really pretty here and I love my new home,
Although your heart is broken because my body is gone;
My love will always be there as you go along the way,
Just take a peek inside your Heart there is where I'll stay;
Know that I loved my family and all my friends too,
My thoughts will be with each of you your whole life through.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ETHANS STORY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ethan was Born on 11 Janurary 2007 with a birth defect called Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH)...which requires surgery after birth to repair the condition. He was 6 weeks premature and a real fighter.
Ethan's CDH was on the left side of his chest.
The cause of this Defect is unknown however it is not caused by anything that the mother or father did while the baby was developing in the womb...this much we know.
I was shocked when i went for my 20 week ultrasound scan to find out the sex of my baby, when they told me that Ethan's heart was on the wrong side of his chest, it was on the right instead of the left, so they did further research to find out why this had happened.
When i went back for my 22 week gestation ultrasound scan is when i got the news that no parent wants to hear.."your baby has a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia" they told me and then went on to explain what it was.
I was in such shock...that i didn't want to be there any longer i just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I couldn't believe what i was hearing..I began to blame myself. But the fact was it was nothing i'd done..they kept telling me.
When I was in labour with Ethan..the midwife warned me that he may come out not breathing or crying but to expect that and that its not something to worry about.
but after 11 hours of labour, Ethan was born at 2:21pm...and he proved the midwife and doctors and nurses wrong when he was doing both...crying and Breathing they were shocked but said it was a good thing...Ethan did really well at first..he didn't need much help with breathing he was on 40% oxygen help with the ventalitor machine and the rest of the breathing he was doing on his own.
while in PICU Ethan seemed to be doing really well for 2 weeks but as the begining of his third week in PICU things took a turn for the worse...his stats started dropping dramatically and he passed away at only 19 days old.
WHAT IS A CONGENITAL DIAPHRAGMATIC HERNIA?
It is a birth defect, which is an abnormality that occurs before birth as a fetus is forming in its mother's uterus. An opening is present in the diaphragm (the muscle that separates the chest cavity from the abdominal cavity). With this type of birth defect, some of the organs that are normally found in the abdomen move up into the chest cavity through this abnormal opening.
(LEFT CDH) on the left side of the diaphragm. The stomach and intestines usually move up into the chest cavity.
In Ethan's case this is what happened he had a left sided CDH...Which also caused his heart to be pushed from the left side of his chest to the right side of his chest.
WHAT CAUSES A CONGENITAL DIAPHRAGMATIC HERNIA?
As a fetus is growing in its mother's uterus before birth, different organ systems are developing and maturing. The diaphragm forms between the seventh and 10th week of pregnancy. The esophagus (the tube that leads from the throat to the stomach), the stomach, and the intestines are also developing at this time. In a Left hernia, the diaphragm may not develop properly, or the intestine may become trapped in the chest cavity as the diaphragm is forming.
Normal development of the diaphragm and the digestive tract does not occur.
Diaphragmatic hernia is a multifactorial condition, which means that many factors, both genetic and environmental, are involved.
It is thought that multiple genes from both parents, as well as a number of environmental factors that scientists do not yet fully understand, contribute to diaphragmatic hernia.
In cases where it is the only health problem in a baby, the chance for diaphragmatic hernia to happen again in a future pregnancy is 2 percent or 2 in 100 chances. This means that there is a 98 percent chance that it would not be seen in a future pregnancy.
TREATMENT FOR CDH: Treatment may include:
Neonatal intensive care -
A diaphragmatic hernia is a life-threatening illness and requires care in a neonatal intensive care setting. Babies with diaphragmatic hernia are often unable to breathe effectively on their own because their lungs are underdeveloped. Most babies will need to be placed on a breathing machine called a ventilator to help their breathing.
ECMO -
Some infants may need to be placed on a temporary heart/lung bypass machine called ECMO if they have severe problems. ECMO does the job that the heart and lungs would be doing: putting oxygen in the bloodstream and pumping blood to the body. ECMO may be used temporarily while a baby's condition stabilizes and improves.
Medication-surfactant -
A medication called surfactant is usually given to improve the health of the lungs. Surfactant is a fluid that our body normally produces. It helps keep the air sacs in the lungs from deflating. Babies with a diaphragmatic hernia often do not have enough surfactant. This medication can help the air sacs to stay open and healthy.
Surgery -
When the baby's condition has improved, the diaphragmatic hernia will be fixed with an operation. This is usually done between the first and 10th days of life. An incision is made in the baby's left side, between the ribs. The stomach, intestine and other abdominal organs are moved from the chest cavity back to the abdominal cavity. The hole in the diaphragm is repaired.
FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE VISIT THIS SITE:
http://www.chop.edu/consumer/your_child/condition_section_index.jsp?id=-8605
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~POEMS FOR ETHAN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT MAKES A MOTHER
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today
I asked” What makes a Mother?” and I know I heard him say
“A Mother has a baby this we know is true”
“But, God, can you be a Mother when your baby’s not with you?”
“Yes, you can” he replied with confidence in his voice
“I give many women babies when they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime and others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb but there is no need to stay.”
“I just don’t understand this God I want my baby here”
He took a breath and cleared his throat and then I saw a tear
“I wish I could show you what your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile with other children and say
“We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear
My mummy loved me so much I got to come straight here
I feel so lucky to have a Mum who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly my Mummy set me free,
I miss my Mummy oh so much but I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep on her pillows where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear
Mummy don’t be sad today I’m your baby and I am here”
So you see my dear sweet one your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home and this is where they’ll stay
They’ll wait for you with Me until your lessons are through
And on the day you come home they’ll be at the gates for you
So now you see What makes a Mother
It’s the feeling in your heart
It’s the love you had so much of right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize
Until their time is done
Remember all the love you have
And know that you are a Special Mum”
REST IN PEACE LITTLE ONE UNTIL IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO COME HOME AGAIN
{~~~~For More Poems Go To My Journal~~~~}
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