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Noah's mommy Samantha, although only 17 years old herself, showered Noah with loving care 24 hours a day every day that he was here with us. Her strength, passed on to her son, shown through Noah's determination to stay with his mommy longer than the doctors and nurses could ever predict. Along with Samantha, Noah's grandma Heidi, grandpa John, and aunt Jessica were by his side every day showering him with love. On the day the angels came, Noah was safely in his mother's arms and he was surrounded by grandma, grandpa, honorary-grandma Donna, and aunt Jessica.
Samantha wrote the following story, the night before Noah's funeral.....
*Noah*
It was January 27th, 2004 - the day I first found out I was pregnant with Noah. It was such a scary thought to have to think about. I said to myself, "I'm only 17, I did not plan this, how am I going to take care of a baby?" I now had to make the difficult decision on whether to keep or not keep Noah. It was hard, but I knew all along that I couldn’t let him go. He was a part of me now. He did nothing wrong. During my pregnancy with Noah, it wasn’t the best. I was told many times that there was a high risk for something to be wrong with Noah and that he would likely be premature. Along with that, there wasn’t a day that I wasn’t sick. I was literally at the doctors every other day. It was very hard and painful but I knew that I had to stay strong for him because I began to want this baby more than anything. It felt so wonderful to feel him inside of me and see how he grew. It was good to know that he was a part of me and he was my very own. As the months went by I became more and more excited and started to become very impatient. I wanted him to come so very much. I was much looking forward to the wonderful times to come. Those times never came…It was during the 36th week when the terrible tragedy took its toll. It was August 5th and I was on my way to a doctors appointment. I was thinking everything was going to be fine like always. I laid down on that hospital bed, which ended up being the last time. The doctor began the ultra sound like we had done many times before. I started to notice that something just didn’t seem right. Noah had always had such a strong heartbeat that you could see clearly over everything else, but this time I didn’t see that strong heartbeat, I saw a little heart that wasn’t beating. I began to panic and was rushed in for an emergency C-Section. At this point I didn’t care what happened to me just save my baby. Hours later I woke up not remembering anything that happened, but then it all started to come back. I cried, "Where's my baby?" "Let me see my baby!" I knew that there must be something wrong because I was surrounded with tears all around me. I continued crying and softly said, "Please tell me he's not dead." My mom told me that he was still here but it wasn’t good and he probably wouldn’t be here for much longer. I asked what had happened to him. She told me he had suffered complete brain damage from loss of oxygen. This couldn’t be true. The doctors had all told me that he was going to be perfect. What went wrong? How could they lie to me like that? This was MY baby! I demanded answers and there were none. I began to think that this was all a horrible nightmare but it ended up being the truth. I asked to see him, thinking that it might not be as bad as they say, but it was. My parents led me over to his bedside and I just said to myself over and over, "This can't be my baby," "They said my baby's perfect!" But this small, lifeless body was really my baby. I just couldn’t face the fact. It hurt me so bad to see that tiny little body hooked up to so many machines and wires. But under all those wires was still my perfect baby. He was beautiful in every possible way. I wish I could have taken away all of this and trade positions. He didn’t deserve this. I didn’t understand why God would choose me out of all people and do this to my baby that I wanted so badly. I began to constantly blame myself over and over for what happened to my son. It just didn’t make any sense to me. I asked his doctor if there were anyway to save him and when the doctor said those words I never wanted to hear, I just wanted to lay down and die. What did I do so wrong? Why me? He looks so perfect, there had to be something that they could do. But there wasn’t. Noah had suffered such severe brain damage nothing could be done to make him the little boy he deserved to be. I was forced to make the most difficult decisions of my life. I shouldn’t have had to make these or even think about these at only 17. I shouldn’t have to plan the way I want my baby to die! It wasn’t fair. I just wanted everything to be perfect for him. I didn’t want to do anything wrong. I felt I had already done enough. Although I felt so weak, I couldn’t let Noah see me like that. I tried so hard to be the strongest for him that I could be. It started to be a long hard fight for Noah, but he was a fighter. Being told he would only make it a day or two, my little strong angel ended up blessing us with 13 wonderful days of his life. Even though Noah deserved to live a life like everyone else, I'd have to say that those 13 days were the best days of my life. Noah was the greatest gift ever received. There will never be a day where I regret having him as my son. In fact I couldn’t ask for a better one. I never felt so much love for just one person. I know I may never find the answers to why God would choose to do this to me and Noah, but atleast I know now that he's in a better place where there is no pain and suffering, just all the love, peace and happiness he deserves. I will never forget Noah. "My Peanut" He will always be in my heart and the angel watching over me, until that wonderful day comes when we will be together again.
In precious and loving memory of my wonderful, beautiful son
Noah-Restful, Peaceful Jaden Smith
Also called "Peanut"
August 5th-18th
YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN
Your Mommy - Samantha
A Song from Noah's Funeral...
[Sherrie Austin-Streets of Heaven>
Hello God, it's me again. 2:00 a.m., Room 304.
Visiting hours are over, time for our bedside tug of war.
This sleeping child between us may not make it through the night.
I'm fighting back the tears as she fights for her life.
Well, it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
She's much too young to be on her own:
Barely just turned seven.
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?
Tell me God, do you remember the wishes that she made,
As she blew out the candles on her last birthday cake?
She wants to ride a pony when she'd big enough.
She wants to marry her Daddy when she's all grown up.
Well, it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
She's much too young to be on her own:
Barely just turned seven.
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?
Lord, don't you know she's my angel
You got plenty of your own
And I know you hold a place for her
But she's already got a home
Well I don't know if you're listenin'
But praying is all that's left to do
So I ask you Lord have mercy, you lost a son once too
And it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
Lord, I know once you've made up your mind,
There's no use in beggin'.
So if you take her with you today, will you make sure she looks both ways,
And would you hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven.
The streets of Heaven.
Please see Noah's Journal for more...
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