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Ben fought bravely for 10 days in the NICU, we thought we were over the worst when he had a second big brain haemorrhage. After the brain haemorrhage he was not the same little boy, his beautiful light had all but gone out. We had to make the decision no parents ever should have to make, we had to decide whether to take him off life support. The Dr told us he was going to die within the next day or so and that he was basically clinically brain dead, so there was no decision to make really, I did not want my child to die on his own. So they dressed him and took out all the horrible pipes and tubes, wrapped him in a blanket and handed him to me. I got to hold my precious, beautiful baby for the first time. I kissed him all over, he was so beautiful. He lay in my arms, and his breathing got slower and slower, his little heart got slower, and for the last 30 minutes of his life he lay in his mothers arms, with every single ounce of my love pouring out, with his heart over mine. Bonded forever.
This is a letter I wrote to him on the morning we heard he was going to die.
Goodbye to an Angel
"And so we say good-bye to my darling, precious beautiful baby boy Ben. Oh my son, how can I say good-bye, my heart will forever be missing a part, a part that is you. You were such a happy boy, so lively and so strong. I will never forget the magical time we spent with you in my tummy. I will love you forever and never ever forget you. When you go to heaven, look down your mommy and daddy with love and know that you will always be our first born, our special angel. You have fought so bravely these last 10 days, I am so proud of you. You are going to join your twin Luke in heaven, tell him how much I love him too.
Be happy my baby boy, up there with the angels, be free, be joyous. A part of me dies with you today. Find peace and I hope that we might find some too.
I love you my son, so much that it feels as if my heart might explode. I love you my boy and I wish more than any thing that you were still with me, my body aches for you my child, I feel empty.
Be happy, be free. Be forever at peace my angel, Mommy and Daddy will love you forever, my darling Ben. Forever your mommy.�
My brave little boy Ben Albertyn left his world of monitors and pipes and machines and died in his mother�s arms Jan 14. He fought so hard, he tried for 10 days but the fight was too much for his little body. He came into this world with his mother and father there, and he died in his mother�s arms, with his father right there as well. I kissed his little head, his eyes, nose and mouth and told him how we loved him, how much his grandparents and whole family loved him, and how very very proud we were of him. I held him close to my heart, and never wanted to let him go. .
Ben Albertyn, brave little boy Jan 4, 2004 to Jan 14, 2004. Forever in my heart.
Oh God how I miss him.
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Ben's brother and sister were born on the 7th January 2005, and his younger brother on the 15th May 2009. Their lives are chronicled at www.tertia.org *
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