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We had been trying to have a baby for 9 years. Finally after having an ectopic pregnancy we were pregnant again. We were so elated and happy. We couldn't believe how blessed we were. The pregnancy went very well. I never got sick just a little nausea. Chance was growing at a good rate and was healthy. I loved feeling him move inside me, every kicks was wonderful. He always got hiccups. He is my little man.
Thursday 07/28/05 (Baby Chance was Born)
Finally he was here. Brad cut the umbilical cord and the doctor laid my lifeless son on my chest. He was so beautiful, perfect in every way. His face resembled a combination of both mine and Brad’s. From the nose up he looked like Brad, he had Brad’s nose and forehead. From the nose down he looked like me, he had my cheeks, chin and gold eyelashes. He had a long body and long little fingers and toes (he would have been a leader like his dad because his second toe was longer than his big toe). He was 3lbs 5.4oz and 17 inches long (big boy). He had vernix on his face and body and his skin was splotchy with crimson lips. I couldn’t believe I had just given birth then reality hit and had to face the fact that our son Chance had passed away while in my womb. The feeling of despair and excitement were so confusing, like I was in a dream state. People started taking pictures and coming in to hold our son, time flew by quickly. I watched the nurse and Brad give Chance his first bath and cried looking at his limp body wishing he would breathe, move or cry. The nurse put a diaper on him and dressed him in a onesie I had brought; it was too big on him. She also wrapped him the receiving blanket I grabbed at home “Little Buckaroo” and placed a hospital cap on his head. He looked normal, I can’t get over that, nothing was wrong with him. The placenta is what failed him. Brad and I kept him with us until the next day. I cried knowing that I wouldn’t be able to take our son home with us. We had a pastor come to the hospital and had him bless Chance. Chance is deeply loved and missed. He will forever live in our hearts.
“A Chance of Showers”
Chance William
Born July 28th at 4:26pm
I will never forget him or his name
Because, I hear it over and over again.
A Chance of showers
A Chance of rain
There it is, his name again
He was beautiful, perfect in every way
We never got to hear him cry
Something took his first breath away.
Now everyone is asking Why?
A Chance of showers
A Chance of rain
There it is, his name again
He was a cute little Buckaroo,
He was wrapped in a blanket of blue.
Soft yellow flowers placed by his side,
I thought how I love him, and then I cried.
A Chance of showers
A Chance of rain
There it is, his name again
He had Little fingers and Long Little toes
A cute little button nose
And eye lashes made of gold
A Chance of showers
A Chance of rain
There it is, his name again
As life goes on the pain of our loss will lessen
But his name I will never forget.
Chance will always be a part of our lives
He is missed and loved and he will never be forgotten.
A Chance of showers
A Chance of rain
There it is, his name again
(Poem was written by my sister)
~I Am A Mother~
I've loved my child right from the start,
A feeling that's filled my entire heart.
I went through the labor and suffered the pain,
For many long hours with nothing to gain.
I've spent sleepless nights being awake,
Though it's been a while my arms they still ache.
I've sat and I've wondered of how he would grow,
The love of my family that he'd come to know.
The sound of his voice as he learns to talk,
Watching his steps as he tries to walk.
I have a child that I really love so,
I am his mother yet nobody knows.
I've spent all these months feeling him grow,
I've lived through it all and have nothing to show.
I don't get invited to chat with young mothers,
Because I don't have a baby like all the others.
I've got some stretch marks that I'd like to hide,
But I don't have a pram with a baby inside.
The people I've known for so many years,
They avoid me now, which adds to my tears.
I don't know how long I'll be feeling like this,
But one thing I know, my baby I miss.
When Mother's day comes it will be very hard,
I won't have any flowers, not even a card.
And just because he's not here with me,
I still have a son I wish I could see.
But one thing I know and this is for sure,
I'll be his mother for evermore!
Author Unknown
~An Angel Never dies~
Don't let them say I wasn't born,
that something stopped my heart.
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I loved you from the start.
Although my body you can't hold,
it doesn't mean I am gone.
This world was worthy, Not of me ~
God chose that I move on
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
what you are forced to face ~
You'll have my word I'll fill your arms,
someday we will embrace.
You'll hear "it wasn't meant to be,
God doesn't make mistakes."
But that won't soften your worst blow,
or make your heart not ache.
I am watching over all you do,
another child you will bear,
Believe me when I say to you
that I am always there!
There will come a time I promise you,
when you will hold my hand.
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
and then you'll understand.
Although I never breathed your air
or gazed into your eyes,
That does not mean I never was
An angel never dies!
Author Unknown
~We Thought Of You Today~
We thought of you today,
But that is nothing new
We thought of you yesterday
And will tomorrow, too
We think of you in silence
And make no outward show
For what it meant to lose you
Only those who love you know
Remembering you is easy
We do it everyday
It's the heartache of losing you
That will never go away.
Author Unknown
Chance's Angel Friends in Heaven (you are all deeply loved and missed):
~ Makenzie born 04/25/00 to April
~ Kaleb born 01/21/03 to Kimberly
~ River born 04/08/03 to Kristin
~ Janell born 07/25/04 to Liz
~ Nea born 03/21/05 to Fadia
~ Quinn born 07/21/05 to Cass
~ Abigail born 08/08/05 to Rebecca
~ Gabriel born 04/08/06 to Becky
~ Blaze born 10/30/06, died 10/31/06 to Kristin
~ Miriam Beth born 03/28/07 to Kristin
~ Peyton born 03/29/07 to Cass
~ June born 09/15/08, died 04/06/09 to Andrea
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