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Jessica, the sweetest word to ever leave my lips. Jessica is the name of my precious daughter. I was born on my great grandfather, Jesse's, birthday. On my 16th birthday, I told Jesse that I was going to name my daughter after him. 15 years later, I kept my promise. My husband, Michael, and I tried for 15 months before we were able to conceive. We were both ecstatic. When the ultrasound showed that we were having a girl, we were even more thrilled. I was finally going to get my Jessica.
My doctor was concerned that Jessica was going to be small, so he began monitoring me twice a week for the last 8 weeks. He didn't want me to go beyond my due date, so he decided to induce me. The day of induction, they began at 7 am. I finally received an epidural about 7:30 pm. On October 17, 2001, at 9:51 pm, my world changed forever. Jessica weighed 5 pounds 11 ounces and was 19 ¾" long. We went through the next 3 months just like any normal family with a healthy, growing baby. Jessica loved to snuggle into your neck as she slept and to fall asleep on her mommy's chest. She had begun to watch Sponge Bob and was just starting to reach for objects. I was able to take 3 months off work and didn't return until January 7, 2002.
On Wednesday, January 23, my parents came to visit. The next morning, Jessica awoke with a cold. My mom decided to stay the night on Thursday so that Jessica wouldn't have to go to the sitters on Friday. About 9:00 that evening, my father called and said my grandmother (mom's mother) was at the emergency room with a possible heart attack. My mother decided she needed to go to the hospital because they weren't sure if my grandmother was going to live or not. Mom was afraid that, if she didn't go, she might not ever see her mother again. Little did she know this would be the last time she would see Jessica alive.
Monday, January 28, 2002, began as any normal day. I dropped Jessica off at the babysitter about 8. She had taken a nap and awoke about 11. The sitter changed her diaper and was preparing Jessica a bottle. She was holding her on her left shoulder and Jessica was wide awake. Instantly, Jessica went lifeless. The ambulance arrived in less than a minute from the time they were dispatched, and less than 4 minutes from the time the call was first place. They never received any signs of life.
I do home health physical therapy and was 15 miles down in the country when they called and told me to get to the hospital…"Jessica had gone lifeless". When I arrived, my secretary and the hospital Chaplin were waiting for me. I was told by the ER doctor that "she has no pulse, but her color is good". They continued to work on her, while I waited in fear and disbelief. My husband works about 45 minutes away, and was still not at the hospital. The doctor came in and told me that they were unable to save her and said he had no explanation as to what happened. About 15 minutes later, my husband arrived and I had to break the news to him. I phoned my parents from the hospital and they left their hometown immediately. We were able to hold Jessica, but only for 15 minutes. She looked so peaceful. Leaving her at the hospital was one of the hardest things I had to do.
We decided that we didn't want to place Jessica in a casket for the viewing. We took a cradle from the house and laid her in it like she was sleeping. Visitation was set for Wednesday, January 30. The outpouring of love and sympathy that we were shown was amazing. 300 people attended the visitation that evening. I was in a fog during the funeral and don't remember a great deal.
Jessica died on January 28, 2002, and we didn't receive her autopsy back until April 25. The final report was listed as Sudden Unexpected Death in Infancy. Basically they told us that 1 minute we had a perfectly healthy baby and the next minute we had a perfectly healthy DEAD baby. It is so hard to accept when there is no known cause for your child to die.
Now, we have to learn to live the rest of our lives without our daughter. We have to face the fact that we will never get to see her crawl or walk; hear her say mommy or daddy; never take her to school, or never walk her down the aisle. All of our memories of Jessica were gathered in 3 months and 11 days. Jessica will never be far away from us and we will never let her memory be forgotten. Jessica, you are our daughter, the love of our lives, and our Angel. We love & miss you!
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