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“Nothing is as it was. Today a great loss has darkened the sky.....”
It was Saturday, March 15, 2003, when Daddy and Mommy's world came crashing down, again. I wasn't noticing too much movement from Keegan so I was hoping he was having a "down" day after a very busy Friday. I would push on Keegan's little foot and he wouldn't move it away from me. I was hoping after a shower and playing his music for him that would get him moving. He loved both those things and would become quite the active little guy, not this time.
I was scared so, I told Daddy I was calling the after hours doctor. She called me back and told me to go to the hospital and they would hook me up to the monitors to hear his heartbeat. We went right away.
We were greeted by this wonderful nurse who told us what to do and got started right away. The nurse found mommy's heartbeat, but not Keegan's. We started to cry right away, we knew. She was very sincere and told us that she was going to go get a doppler and try that. She did, nothing, just mommy's heartbeat. Daddy and I were devastated; we knew our little guy was gone. I asked for an ultrasound and for my doctor to be called, I had just seen him yesterday.
I had daddy call Grandma and Grandpa M. He told them to get up to the hospital right away, we couldn't find his heartbeat, Keegan was gone. At this point they were moving me to a room. Daddy and I were panic stricken, we couldn't think of any phone numbers. We didn't bring anything with us as Keegan was supposed to be having a "down" day and we were going to go home. We finally got a hold of Grandma and Grandpa F, who were supposed to be on their way up. They were coming up to see us one last time before Keegan's arrival. This wasn't the arrival we were supposed to be having, not again.
We couldn't believe we were reliving this part of our life. Just 1 year before, we were in the same position with our first angel, Virginia Paige. Keegan was stillborn on the following day. We had lots of family and friends with us the day Keegan was delivered. The staff at the hospital was wonderful. They were there for daddy and I, our families and friends. They shared in our sorrow and pain. They knew they weren’t supposed to show emotions but they did and that was wonderful.
Grandma and Grandpa M as well as Grandma and Grandpa Fgot to hold our sweet little angel. Uncle Jeff and Aunt Karen were also there to see him. Pastor Phil arrived just before Keegan was born to be with the family. Shortly after birth Pastor Phil performed the baptism.
Mommy’s doctor called us as soon as he heard from the pathologist. The preliminary results showed that Keegan had a very rare and severe heart defect.
The family time Mommy and Daddy experienced was wonderful but not nearly long enough. We were able to hold him, kiss and hug him, and tell him how much we loved him. We just wanted to pinch him so he would wake up and cry. All we ever wanted was a baby to take home with us.
Instead, Keegan Mitchell and Virginia Paige get to experience another home. There home in heaven with Jesus. A place where we know they are safe in the arms of Jesus. And we know that someday we will get to be with them and hold them in our arms.
Update: Tuesday, April 15, 2003
The autopsy report showed that Keegan had, Transposition of the Great Vessels with a VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect). What this defect is, is that the right side of his heart was working as his left side and his left side working for his right. The right side of his heart, therefore, wasn’t strong enough to keep working. There are many more questions that Steve and I have about this defect but we will get those answered when we meet with the pediatric cardiologist here in town. Steve and I haven’t talked too much about that so I don’t know when that will happen. For more information please check out the following sites. These are just a few I have found. (I’m sorry but you will have to copy and paste to check these sites out.)
http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=1682
http://www.1uphealth.com/health/transposition_of_the_great_vessels_info.html
http://www.pediheart.org/parents/defects/TGA.htm
http://www.rchc.rush.edu/rmawebfiles/chd%20for%20parents%20tga.htm
http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/heart-encyclopedia/anomalies/transposition.htm
We asked for genetic studies to be done on Keegan also, however, this wasn’t able to be done, AGAIN! This was the one thing we asked for to be done on Virginia Paige and it wasn’t able to be done. For some reason the cells were not able to grow. We thought for sure we “caught” Keegan’s death in time. I hate to say that because it just sounds awful to me. Dr. Wheeler doesn’t understand why it wasn’t able to be done. When he found out that the cells weren’t growing he didn’t push the subject. He knew that Keegan had died from the heart defect. Steve and I were really hopeful that this test would come out this time. Dr. Wheeler doesn’t feel that Steve and I have anything to worry about with the two of us mixing our genes. He told us that most pregnancies that have a genetic abnormality don’t make it to six or seven week’s gestation. Having gone 24 and 33 weeks is a good sign. Plus, Keegan didn’t have any physical abnormalities, if you looked at his picture you can see he looks just like a perfectly healthy baby! Dr. Wheeler didn’t want to talk us out of anything, if we want to have genetic testing done on us he said we could. However, he said he liked to see us spend our money on other things.
Update: Friday, April 18, 2003
Yesterday I received a call from the nurse at my doctor’s office. They had received a fax late in the day stating they were able to get genetic studies done and Keegan’s results came back as 46 xy, normal male. There was another comment on the bottom but Dr. didn’t feel it was anything to worry about. I guess what happened was for genetic studies they typically open the chest cavity and take a piece of tissue from his lungs. Dr. didn’t want to do that as he felt we had been through enough, so he asked for blood to be taken from Keegan and put in saline, hoping it hadn’t started to clot. The blood was able to be taken, but the cells weren’t able to grow, that is why Dr. told us it wasn’t able to be done. However, I guess they took tissue from the placenta and grew those. Dr. felt bad that he told us differently. We are happy the test was able to be performed, but we are still without our son. We miss him and love him so much.
If you would like to sign Keegan’s guest book, please do so. We would love to hear from you. Thank you.
I Sam. 1:27, 28
“I asked the Lord to give me this child, and he has given me my request. Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole Life.”
“Lord, I wanted to hold my little boy on my lap and tell him about you. But Since I never had the that chance, will you please hold him on your lap and tell him about me?”
ONE YEAR HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY-Update
One year ago today you came into daddy and I's world so quiet and still. The memories of those days are so fresh and vivid, like it was yesterday. Why wouldn't they be? They are the only memory I will have of you so I play them over and over in my mind. The same with your sister's. I will never forget her few days and hours with us.
I do know they weather last year was much better than it was today. I prayed to you and your sister to have the snow stop and it did. THANK YOU! You two were taking care of your mommy today and I'm very thankful for that. I would MUCH rather have you down here so I could be the one taking care of you.
I love you Keegan. You are missed everyday. Take care of your sister, you take care of each other. I love you with all my heart and soul!
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