|
Whatever month it is the 22nd it is always the same... all day long I go over and over that day. I had had emergency surgery earlier that month, I was still taking pain pills. That day, Nov. 22, 2001 I didn't take it at my usual time because I went to the store to get more medicine and when I got home I was tired and in pain. My mother in law had been staying with us since my surgery to take care of the kids, Sarah 5, Noah 2yr 10mth, and Jonah 15 mths. It was Thanksgiving day, but we were going to celebrate on Sat. So after the store, I went in and tucked Noah into bed, then went and layed down on Sarah's bed. We did our little ritual, I would say "you know what?" she'd giggle and say "what" I would say "I love you" and she would say I love you too. Then I kissed her and she snuggled her cute little nose into my cheek and neck and I hugged her, not knowing that would be the last time. I left her room and told my mom in law that I was going to bed. The next thing I heard was her calling them. I heard her ask Noah where Sarah was, and he mumbled "pool" I ran out of my room she had him washing his hands, I said "Noah where is your sister" he started crying and said in the pool. I started crying too, and ran out to go find her, we had 2 neighbors with pools. The panic I felt was indescribable, my legs felt so wobbly and I just prayed that I would find her holding onto the side. I ran up the hill first, she wasn't there, so I ran down to the other pool, just as I came upon it I saw her feet floating, and I fell down screaming. From that moment on it was as if I was watching someone else's life unfold. The neighbors were standing at their backdoor and they came running out and jumped in and got her out. The men started CPR and the women called 911, and tried to make me quit screaming. They told me I had to be quiet or they couldn't hear her breathing, or heartbeat. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital, we were not allowed to ride with them. I prayed all the way to the hospital, trying to bargain with God to give me back my Sarah. I prayed for a miracle. However, at 605 pm they told me the news no mother should ever have to hear... my precious Sarah was gone. I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me. I really could not comprehend what they had said. The next day we had to go pick out her dress, it was so hard, everyone was laughing and smiling as they shopped, and I wanted to scream at them "How can you all be happy my little girl is dead!" I was mad that I had not gotten a miracle, I was confused why God hadn't let me die right before my surgery if he was just going to take Sarah 2 weeks later? I had always felt we should leave Mississippi, and so there was no way I was going to let her be buried there. We moved her body to Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. She is buried at Floral Haven in the Garden of Angels. I moved to OK. Noah and I both started counseling. Noah went for a full year with a wonderful Counselor. He is doing great now, although he still talks about Sarah everyday. I am so thankful for my 2 boys, and God...if it weren't for them I am not sure how I would have made it through. I am also thankful for my family, my mom who still talks with me about Sarah every single day, and other family in CA. Plus I have been blessed with wonderful friends who have supported me and let me talk about Sarah. My heart still aches for Sarah, but I have learned to live with the pain. I want everyone to remember her and her story. I want her story to remind everyone to not take loved ones for granted because you never know what tomorrow may bring. Also I would like to see laws passed that require fences around all pools, and alarms installed. There were no fence laws in Mississippi, the people who owned the pool never said they were sorry, and didn't have to help with funeral costs. I wrote the Govenor and asked to help get laws passed, but he never responded, guess my baby is just a statistic to him. I still can't believe she is gone, not sure if it will ever be real. Please spread the word about pool safety. It was only 20 inches of rain water in that pool, but even less can take a childs life.
Please above all listen to your instincts, I felt like I should have left sooner, but I pushed those feelings away, and it cost me my Sarah's life. I pray no other mother will have to endure this pain. Hug your kids tight, and tell them everyday how much you love them, I would give anything for one more hug from my Angel! Thank you for reading my Sarahs' story.
~~Chandra mommy to Angel Sarah Helaina-Lee M. forever 5, Noah, Jonah, Hannah, & Luke
Please take the time to sign her guestbook so I know who all has visited my special Angel. Thank you.
**** Updated~April 2007~Updated****
You know sometimes I want to come on here and change add to this or take away, but it is so tiring even now to read through it... when doing so it is as if I am transported back to that time and that place and the pain and the reality sets in anew and it STILL HURTS! My sweet Sarah has been gone now for over 5 years, longer then she was here with me, I wonder how that can be.. Sometimes it almost seems as if she were a dream, but I see pictures and I have her clothes and her toys and I know she was here, and now she isn't and it HURTS.. and I miss her and I want to hug her so bad and just hear her little voice, or to know what she would sound like or look like now.. She would be turning 11 in July! Anyways I am going to leave the story the same and just say that we are living a fully and wonderful life again, God has taken us through the valley and brought us out on top.. Sarah's daddy and I divorced and were apart for 2 years and 4 months before we remarried. The song we played as we were walking out of the Church was "trading my sorrows" Because that is what God wants us to be able to do.. The enemy stole our daughter away through a tragedy, but God has restored our family and he has expanded it and given us even more love.. Our Precious little Sarah is missed so so much, but she isn't dead, SHE IS ALIVE IN HEAVEN!! She is there helping to prepare our home and one day we will be a happy family all reunited and so happy for eternity!! We have now added her baby sister Hannah (whom she talked about before she died (even though she wasn't born till 4 years after Sarahs death) Sarah always wanted a sister and whenever she would outgrow anything she would say "lets save this for baby Hannah!" She also now has a precious new baby brother Luke, the sweetest little guy!! :-) God can restore and renew so never give up..
This is a special poem given to us by the Funeral Home, may it bring you as much peace as it has me:
If you could see where I have gone, the beauty of this place and how if feels to know your home to see the Saviour's face. To wake in peace and know no fear just joy beyond compare, while still on earth you miss me yet, you wouldn't want me there!
If you could see where I have gone, had made the trip with me you'd know I didn't go alone, the Savior came with me. When I awoke he was by my side and said as He touched my hand, "hurry your going Home to a grand and glorious land".
If you could see where I have gone and see what I've been shown you'd never know another fear or ever feel alone. You'd marvel at the care of God, His hand on every life, and realize He really cares, and bears with us each strife. And that he weeps when one is lost, His heart is filled with pain. But oh the joy when one comes home.
If you could see wehre I have gone, could stay a while with me could share the things that God has made to grace eternity. But no, you couldn't ever leave, for once Heaven's joy you have know you couldn't bear to walk Earth's paths once Heaven was your home.
If you could see where I have gone, you'd know we'll meet someday, and though I'm parted from you now, that I am just away. And now that I am home with Him, secure in every way, I'm waiting here at Heaven's door to greet you some sweet day!
|
