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Christopher went through many trials in his short life, but was a fighter.
After a high-risk pregnancy, he was born by emergency C-section due to my pregnancy induced high blood pressure and because his heart had stopped. I was only 30 weeks pregnant.
His sweet little body was folded in half when he was born because he was squished up in my uterus. He had dislocated hips and clubfeet and a condition called arthrogryposis. This is contractures of his joints that limits mobility and function. In addition to that he was born with partial agenesis of the corpus collosum. This is the part of the brain that transmits information from the right to the left side of his brain. He had approximately 40% of his. What this would have meant to his future was unknown; we would have taken it day by day.
He was immediately put on a ventilator and whisked away to the NICU. After 15 days, mommy was finally able to hold him for the first time. It was wonderful.
The first 3 weeks of his life, we impatiently waited for genetics test results to tell us if he had a terrible syndrome, that in the end he did not have. It was a very scary first few weeks.
He was being double diapered to help keep his little hips in place since he was too tiny for a splint.
After 27 days, Christopher was taken off the ventilator and was starting to feed on my milk. It was so good to see his little face with no breathing tube in his mouth! Once he started eating, he was having severe bradycardias (heart rate drops) and was diagnosed with severe reflux. Medication did not work, and he was scheduled for his first surgical procedure called a Nissen Fundoplication. This is where the upper portion of your stomach is wrapped around the esophagus to help keep the food from refluxing. At that time a G-tube was also added to help him with his feeds. He was challenged by bottle feeding due to a weak suck and being tongue-tied. After recovering from surgery, he was such a happy little guy and was really making great progress. Then came his first major illness.
Christopher went into septic shock. His organs started to shut down and he "coded" several times. Once again, we were afraid we were going to loose our son. But being the little fighter that he was, he pulled through. He again started to make huge progress. We thought we might even be taking him home soon. Then came the next illness.
There is a 5% chance of scar tissue forming after surgery that could possibly block your intestines. Of that 5%, less than 1% has twisting of the intestines, which cause serious problems. Guess who was in that slim percentile.....
He went in for exploratory surgery on his belly and they untwisted his small intestine but did not remove any. The surgeon saw some blood profusion to the remaining intestine and felt he should give it a fair chance at healing. 2 days later, he went in for his 3rd surgery. No intestine was removed. He had 2 stomas (intestine ends brought to the surface of the belly) which would later be put back together after he was bigger. Once they started to feed him again, they put colostomy bags on him and he started out feeding slow. After his feeds were increased, he began to do what they call "dumping". This means that the food was going through his intestines too quickly to absorb the proper nutrients to grow. The only option was to put him back together and see what would work. They took him in for his 4th surgery in less than 2 months. Our expectations were that a small portion of his small intestine would be removed and he'd be on his way to recovery.
Unfortunately that isn't how it worked.
He had about 80 cm of his small intestine removed, leaving about 15-18 cm. This is what they call "short gut syndrome". Your small intestine is what absorbs nutrients and makes you grow. With out it, you don't live. After the surgery, he got real sick, real fast. He went into renal failure (kidney's shut down) and was swollen to an unrecognizable size. We were surprised each night he made it through. But he did and continued to improve each day. He was off the ventilator and his oxygen was weaned as tolerated. He went back in his crib and LOVED to watch his bears dance on his mobile.
Then he started to not tolerate his feeds again.
They did an abdominal cat scan and found that he had a LARGE hemotoma (fancy name for a bleed) in his belly. They would not operate on him (he would not have lived thru it) and were waiting to see if it dissolved on its own. He was on morphine to control his pain.
At that time, we sat with the doctor's and found that according to statistics, Christopher had about a 1% chance of being off his IV's and on full feeds. The IV's are helpful for short term, but would destroy his liver in the end. He was NOT a candidate for small bowel/liver transplant. He did not meet the criteria (too small and too sick) and would not live long enough to overcome those two things to be able to qualify. Christopher began to develop liver disease due to the IV fluids. He became jaundice. The whites of his eyes were even yellow.
Christopher celebrated Independence Day with his own little BANG!! He had his FIFTH surgery. Remember that hemotoma they weren't gonna operate on.....Well they did and he came through with flying colors. The procedure lasted less than an hour. They went into the same incision site and cut about an inch wide and "liposuctioned" the blood out. They got about 2-3 ounces. Everything went wonderful and he came back OFF THE VENTILATOR (a first for him) and was alert, looking around and sucking on his binkie! We couldn't have been more pleased. What a man!
We were still taking it day by day. We owed it to him to give him that 1% chance.
They started his feeds once again. He tolerated them. Then he got sick. Real sick. Real fast.
He started to spike a fever on Sunday the 14th of July. He was dropping his heart rate to a dangerous level, and they gave him several shots to try to "jump start" it. That didn't work. They put him back on the ventilator. He still didn't seem too bad....we had seen him worse....
Lou was going to go play ball....I was going to go take a nap...and Christopher didn't like that. His heart stopped beating and he stopped breathing around 3:00 pm on the 15th. The doctors performed chest compressions and CPR for over an hour. They pounded medication after medication in him to try to get him back. And they did. Only to have to do it all over again an hour later. Things only got worse from there. His organs shut down. His blood pressure was dangerously low. He was internally bleeding. So many other things were going on....none that anyone should have to know. He was dying. On Tuesday, the doctors took us aside and told us that if he did not show any signs of improvement, that it was best to take him off life support. That things would only get worse before he died. That was a hard thing to accept. In 24 hours, he did not improve, and continued to worsen. He was bleeding and hadn't peed for days. All those toxins were backing up in his body and started to poison it. On Wednesday, the docs said they wanted to take him off the ventilator. Knowing how strong Christopher was, we had to give him a chance. We told the doc's that we wanted to wait another 24 hours. At that time, we moved him to an isolated room. We took him off the ventilator he was on (it shook his whole body) and put him on a conventional ventilator. We ordered a "Do Not Resuscitate with comfort care". What this means is they would not try to revive him and that they would make him comfortable till he passed. They stopped all medications except morphine. That night (Wednesday the 17th) we had nurse after nurse come thru his room. Talking to him, loving him, and holding him. He did not get put down from 2:30 pm till 7:30 am the next day. He started having seizures and daddy and I new it was time. Christopher was dying and was struggling to do so. He needed our help. We did what only we as parents could do for our son. We had him taken off the ventilator around 9:30 am. Daddy was holding him when they removed the breathing tube. Then I got to hold him. We sang to him. Rocked him. Told him what a wonderful and strong baby boy he was. That we loved him more than anything in the world. That we were so proud of him. That he needed to be strong for mommy and daddy in heaven. That we would need his help to get thru this. He died in our arms.
We held him that afternoon till about 2:30. I bathed him and dressed him. At that point, I started realizing that he was not my son anymore. That he was already in heaven. Dancing and playing with no more crooked little feet. Eating anything he wanted to and not getting a belly ache. I imagined him at a park. Chasing after a puppy. Eating an ice-cream cone.
After he died, we both took a huge sigh....one of relief. Our baby wasn't hurting anymore. It was so nice knowing that. We both knew as hard as it was, that we did the best thing for our son. After a year of heart failure, my great grandmother once told me that the hardest thing she ever did in her life was to die. With this in mind, we knew we did the right thing.
Looking back now, I realize how sick my son was. The things he lived thru, most don't. He was the strongest soul I have ever known. I envy his strength and determination. So many times he was so close to being taken from this earth, only to fool us all and keep on fighting.
It makes sense to me that God would want him in heaven.....He was the coolest kid.
He was simply a miracle.
I have to once again, take the time to thank all of his nurses. They put up with our never ending phone calls, questions, tears, joy, and smelly selves when we stayed nights on end with no showers or toothbrushes! You all made Christopher's life and death so much easier. For him and for us. You each will have a special place in our hearts. When the doctors asked us what family members we wanted there with us, we said OUR NURSES. You will be Christopher's aunts forever! We love you all!
We also must thank the doctors for never giving up on our kid. Their knowledge not just of medicine, but of Christopher was never ending. He certainly kept you on your toes.
But above all else, thank you for all the support and prayers from family, friends, loved ones, and complete strangers (friends, of friends, of friends!!) Thank you to everyone who has touched our lives. You mean so much to us.
Please sign his guest book...we love to know who has visited this site. I will keep it going. Come back every now and then and say hi to him. He is with us everyday in our hearts.
**********************UPDATE*********************
08/13/02
So I've been thinking about this webpage. I've realized I have left so much out. I have given you a glimpse into Christopher's life, but not his personality. So here goes....This is for those of you who never got to meet my cool kid:
First and foremost...When Christopher cried, he sounded like a little duckie. He was known for that. Quack, Quack! (hence the tattoo mommy got of a yellow duckie with big blue eyes over her heart)
When anyone put his binkie or a finger in his mouth, his eyes crossed so hard they almost traded places! He just had to see what was going in his mouth. It was so cute...he was our little cross-eyed baby!
When he was in his swing, he REFUSED to fall asleep till you turned it off...then he was out like a light.
He had a bear mobile that would entertain him for hours. He loved to watch them dance.
He had a Winnie the Pooh pillow that his Aunt Teresa got him that wound and played the theme song. He just loved it. His numbers would go up on the monitors whenever we wound it. (we put it in his casket and wound it for him before they closed it)
He loved to have his little head rubbed. His eyes would practically roll back in his head...he'd have the funniest look on his face...like "oh that feels good".
Whenever Daddy held him...he would NOT take his eyes off him. He was enthralled with him and his voice. He loved his daddy.
You could give him an IV or a catheter and he would be just fine, but the minute he knew the thermometer was coming, he'd throw a fit. He HATED to have his temp taken...and it wasn't even rectal!!
He very rarely had his mouth closed...it constantly was open...quacking away or snoring while asleep. (he got that from his momma!)
When he was able to eat, when he took the bottle, he'd raise his eyebrows with each swallow...attacking the bottle. He had a passion for eating...he loved it. (another thing he got from his momma!!)
When he got his first tub bath, he was cool with it...then he realized his butt was wet and he threw a fit. He hated bath time. But loved to get lotion rubbed on him afterwards.
When he was unswaddled or naked he was not happy. He earned the nick name "Pistopher" when he was mad.
The first time my mom met him, he about jumped into her arms. He was only a few weeks old and only two pounds, but scootched and waved his arms like crazy as soon as she started talking to him. He just LOVED her voice.
When you gave him kisses, he made an ugly face and quacked at you. He did not like them. But mommy is a kissy monster and did it all the time anyways!
Christopher was born with blue eyes and blonde hair (hmmmmm....who's the daddy?) and we thought for sure it would fall out and the eyes would change....NOPE! He lost his hair and it came back a beautiful shade of blonde-brown. And his eyes stayed a icey gray-blue. (again....who's the daddy?)
Christopher prefers Sprite to Coke (dipped on his binkie of course). And loves donut icing. And licking caramel popcorn. (those nurses....baaaaaadd! WE LOVE YOU!)
Those eyes....man would you have been a heart-breaker. Best looking kid in the NICU!
These are just some of the things I remember most about my son. I miss him terribly. I just wanted to share them with you.
We come on here daily and read the guestbook. The love in each of the entries gives me chills and happiness...and many times make me cry. Thank you for all your kind words.
**********************UPDATE*********************
8/19/02
Happy 7 month Birthday Peanut-Head! Mommy and Daddy miss you sooooo much. As does everyone else. You are in my heart everyday. I miss giving you kisses. Keep watching over us little one. Tell Gramma Rigby I love her.
**********************UPDATE*********************
09/03/02
Some of you have been curious as to what items we had placed in the coffin with Christopher.
*We had a photo of us, that was in his isolette and crib at all times
*A photo of his 2 primary nurses holding him (Linda P and Paula) so they could watch over him and take care of him
*His Winnie the Pooh Pillow (from Aunt Teresa)
*A softball binkie (from Great Aunt Margie)
*A stuffed animal that says a prayer (from a dear friend who was also a NICU mom)
*A St Christopher Medallion around his neck (from Mr and Mrs Luzio)
*A small blue beaded rosary (from Great Aunt Patty, his Godmother)
*A crib ornament that was blessed (from Great Grandma and Grandpa Oros)
*A guardian angel prayer card (from Grandma Angeloro)
He had on a softball outfit with a hat and socks.
I swaddled him in a duckie blanket.
I had crocheted a blanket (an aide at the hospital taught me how to) and I placed it over him. It was the first and only blanket I made.
He looked very comfortable.
*****************UPDATE 9/13/02******************
For those of you who were not able to be with us on the day of the funeral, this is a copy of what I wrote that was read by my best friend, Lisa, in honor of our son:
Christopher has finally won the fight.
The broken little body that was given to him at birth has now been replaced by a perfect and healthy one....complete with wings.
He is now able to run and dance, and eat all that he wants to....and not get a bellyache.
During his short life, our goal was to bring him home and let him sleep in his big boy crib. Now he is finally home and sleeping in God's arms instead.
We are sad for the people who didn't get to meet him, but please know that he felt all of your love.
There are things that he never got to experience here on Earth, but he lives on in each of our hearts and he shares all of our experiences with us.
He had the strength of no one we have ever known. That strength came from each of us....his mommy and daddy, his nurses and doctors, his Godparents-Chris and Patty, his family, and friends of friends!
Thank you to everyone who has touched our lives and helped us through the last year.
We all have our own little guardian angel now, watching over us.
*****************UPDATE 09/14/02*****************
NEW PHOTOS ADDED!! Check 'em out!! This website is free, and only allows me to display 25 pics total. So I have only changed 5 of them. But I love them!! Enjoy!
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09/19/02
This whole time, I have been accepting of what has happened, because Christopher has taught many lessons and has justified his short time here on earth many times over. BUT.....I could NOT find justification as to why he had to SUFFER in order to teach us all these lessons. I accept that I have had to suffer as part of the lessons. But why did Christopher have to suffer to teach them to me? That was something I never could accept or understand. Until today.
God puts people in our lives for reasons. And this was my friend April's reason for being in my life. No one could explain to me why Christopher suffered as he did. And she has given me an explanation that makes my heart feel free finally. Ironic that it happened on what would have been his 8 mo birthday? Nah. So here is what she had to say:
God gives us angel's in the form of children. Christopher was my angel. And God's plan for Christopher was a great one. Part of that plan was what we perceived as pain, but may not have been pain at all. Would God make a baby feel pain and suffering. Not my God. So something that may have hurt you or I, did not hurt Christopher at all. You see, God would not allow that. Something that has amazed Lou and myself was Christopher's strength. He rarely was on any morphine or pain killers in his short life. For having 5 surgeries in 3 months, that's not the "norm". He had a great disposition (except during temperature taking)and was a content baby. So maybe he wasn't suffering at all. That's a big maybe, but a maybe that I'm willing to take. And hold onto. And finally find comfort in. So I thank God once again today for giving me my angel. Happy 8 month birthday my angel Christopher. Mommy and Daddy love you. And thank you for leading April to me today to give me comfort in her words. Kisses to you my little one.
Quack, Quack!
10/19/02
Has it really been 3 mo since the last time I held you? I had cake tonight and thought of you little man...you would have LOVED licking the icing! Today would have been your 9 month birthday. So many things you would have been doing....so much trouble you would have been causing...Missing you terribly. I replayed your birth over and over in my mind and heart today with daddy. We watched your video the other day. So good to hear your quacking and see your beatiful angel face. Hoping you're having a wonderful time with your Great Grandpa A. on a bulldozer! Feel my kisses my sweet baby boy.
11/19/02
Today my son would have been 10 mo old. The time has flown by, a blessing in our case. To those who don't know yet, Lou and I have bought Christopher's headstone. It won't be placed at the cemetary till around April, but it's comforting to finally have it done. We got a child sized traditional tablet & base in a grey and black granite. The front has his name, dates and a little duckie etched in the stone. We are trying to come up with a verse, phrase or testament to his strength, courage, or soul to have etched on the stone also, but are having a hard time coming up with one. Any suggestions? I've got a Doctor's appt on Dec 4th to see the OB that performed my C-section to discuss future pregnancies. We're hoping to make Christopher a big brother in 2003. Keep us in your prayers!
12/19/02
Well, I had my appointment, and I've gotten the okay from two high risk OBGYN doctors to get pregnant again. The chance of a "normal", healthy delivery is above 90% (odds we are going to chance). I will most likely be on strict bedrest again and deliver early. It took us a year to conceive Christopher, we'll see how long it takes this time. Lou and I are holding up well during the holiday season, and hope all of you are too. I know Christopher will have a great time at Jesus' birthday party! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
12/25/02
Merry Christmas sweet baby boy. Daddy and I both thought of you many times in the last couple of days. So many joys have been taken from us, but the time we had with you filled our hearts for a lifetime. Son, we miss you every day and send our love, hugs, and kisses to you.
01/19/03
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LIL PEANUT!! It's so hard not to be sad today because you aren't with me. But I am so happy to have been blessed with you as my son. Today I celebrate your birth to your daddy and me. We are the luckiest parents to have you as our son. (biased opinion!) We miss you along with all the other people who loved you. Run free lil man and feel my and daddy's love. See you in my dreams son.
**********************UPDATE*********************
02/11/03
CHRISTOPHER IS GONNA BE A BIG BROTHER!!!!!
I'm due November 2nd! YEAAAAHHHHH!
**********************UPDATE*********************
03/20/03
After a week of complications, we lost the baby.
At the doctor's office, as we were leaving, TWO little ducks crossed in front of our car. There's a reason for everything. I have to hope Christopher had a hand in guiding his little brother or sister to heaven. The doctor told us it is no indication of what future pregnancies will be like, and we can try again after I complete one full cycle. I'll keep you posted.
*****************UPDATE 05/05/03*****************
Christopher's headstone is finally here! I'm not sure about posting a picture of it on this site. This is where we come to remember him alive. So for those of you who don't live close enough to visit him, let me know if you'd like to see it, and I'll email a pic to you.
JULY 18, 2003
My little baby boy has been an angel for a year now. My heart is filled with your memory. The amount of love that comes from your life here on earth is amazing to me still today. You touched so many lives in such a short amount of time. Your soul lives on.
I long to feel you in my arms. To hear your sweet cry. To smell your soft skin. To hold you to my chest, our hearts beating together. To sing our song to you.
Not having you here gives me so much pain. But to have you here suffering would be unbearable. You are my first. My one and only son. Our love has never ended for you from the second we found out we were pregnant, to the second your heart stopped beating while in our arms, and to this day, the anniversay of your entry into heaven.
Sweet baby, I say a prayer for you tonight, that you are free from your pain and limitations. That you are in eternal happiness and life. That one day I will hold you again in my arms.
I love you.
********************UPDATE***********************
08/06/03
Just wanted to say a special thank you to all the guys on the CANES softball team for the your generosity. Also a HUGE thanks to the QUEENER FAMILY. Your kindess has been overwhelming. Thank you for helping keep Christopher's memory alive.
********************UPDATE***********************
10/17/03
I have a Christopher story to share...
I have never had a dream about Christopher until a few weeks ago. It was a nightmare. And I woke up sad and scared. So I went to the cemetary to chat with him. The cemetary is off a major road, and while I'm standing there, I tell him that I really need to feel him deep in my soul. To know that he is ok. So I get this silly idea in my head. I tell him to make a horn beep on the road. I'm wondering how long I should stand there and wait. Then I thought...knowing Christopher, he'll make a semi-truck horn blow. So I'm standing there and I really am having to strain to hear a horn. I had to strain because of the noise of a TRAIN HORN!!! I about fell over. Needless to say, I left the cemetary with a smile. Even if it was a co-incidence, it made momma feel better!
CHRISTOPHER IS STILL KICKIN BUTT!
12/10/03
This Christmas you would be just under two. Our lives would be so different right now. I can only imagine the number of gifts that would already be under the tree for you. The only thing I can spoil you with now is my love. You have a perfect spot on our tree (a star ornament up top with your photo in it) to watch over us. I wish we could dance under the mistle toe....I'd cover you in kisses. Missing you as always baby boy.
1/19/04
TWO YEARS! WOW! You had a busy day on your second birthday. Sending Olivia Grace to be here on your special day! I was knocked out hard for your birth but got to share every second with the birth of Olivia. (For those of you who read this, Olivia is my bestest friend in the whole wide worlds newest addition to her family and was born on Christopher's birthday.) Like Tricia said, we're sure you were running around makin sure she was ready to come here on your birthday. Well thank you if you did have anything to do with it. It was a special day for me and your Auntie Lisa. It will always be known as "YOUR DAY", but of anybody I know who you could share it with, I'm glad you picked them. Love you bunches lil peanut.
07/18/04
Missing you, Loving you, Thinking about you, as always.
04/19/2005
Your legacy is still an ongoing one. You are remembered and talked about constantly. Thank you for choosing me as your momma. I couldn't have hand picked better. Love you lil man.
10/31/2005
Time does heal a broken heart. While I will never truely be "over" your death, I can certainly deal with it much better now. You will never be forgotten little one.
January 19, 2006.
Happy 4th Birthday punkin! Your cousin Madison says "even dead people need birthday presents". She wanted to get you a little boy angel figurine. To me her even remembering you is a gift in itself. A normal 4 year old boy would be getting a new tri-cycle. But you aren't here for that. The gifts we can give you are our love, and to keep your memory alive. We do both daily, not just on your birthday. Miss you, love you.......
***UPDATE ON MOM & DAD***
We have moved to Houston Texas! I have had 2 surgeries to repair my uterus. The first surgery completed half of the repair, the second was a complete failure. I am currently under the care of a specialist in Houston that has taken on my "case" and we are in the begining phase of testing and game plans. We aren't getting any younger, and are hoping to have a result either way. Whether it's pregnancy, or tying the tubes and adoption. Either way, we plan on being parents again as soon as possible. We'll keep you updated. For those that are able to visit the lil guys resting place, blow him a kiss for me.
***SURGERY WAS SUCCESSFULL***
7/18/06
Third time is the charm! I had my surgery on July 7th and the doctor was able to remove the septum (wall) in my uterus. As my niece Madison says "roses are red, violets are blue, God is nice, so He will give a baby to you". So true sweetie, so true. My follow up appointment is July 21st. The doc anticipates we will be able to attempt pregnancy in SIX WEEKS!! Holy crap that's soon! We'll keep you updated.
Today is 4 years. I work with a woman who lost her child this exact day as well. (10 years ago) Again proof that time heals and we can go on. You angel babies make us strong mommas and bring us closer together. Ya'll keep watchin over us.
Thank you to Chrissy & Chris and my awesome nieces. You have made today and all our "significant" days so much easier for us. We love you.
*******UPDATE*******
WE'RE PREGNANT AGAIN!!! DUE DATE JULY 23, 2007!!!!
*******12/18/06*******
Well, that was short lived. At 9 weeks, I had to have the pregnancy removed. The baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks, 3 days and there was no heartbeat. They will be running chromosome tests on the fetus and on Lou and myself to see if we can get any answers as to why this happened.
******1/26/07******
Just sitting here crying and thinking of you. Mommy's heart is still so full of love and pain for you and your memory sweet baby boy.
We have received all test results back. Lou, myself, and baby (it was a girl) all have/had no genetic or chromosome abnormalities. We have the ok to try again and we will. Once again, we'll keep you updated.......
07/18/2007
As usual, your Aunt Chrissy and Uncle Chris pulled thru for your mommy and daddy. They of course called and invited us to dinner. (they always remember our "christopher days") It was so nice to smile and laugh with your silly cousins. Those girls are way cool (even though they are girls, you would have loved them!!) On the way home, there was a beautiful sunset and Madison sang me a song she made up just for you today. It went "Oh Christopher, Oh Christopher. Are you finger painting? Or did you have God send us that sunset?" You still have such an impact on everyone. The girls at work today bought me a card, a starbucks gift card and a yellow rubber duckie for my desk at work. They didn't even know me when you were alive, but they all know just how cool you are. Kisses and hugs and lots of love to you my lil peanut! Miss you always!
10/01/07
We had your cousins over for the weekend. Charlotte kept asking if I had a baby in my belly yet. She loves to play with all your stuffed duckies and randomly will ask to see my "baby quack-quack" tattoo. While Madison remembers you without ever meeting you, I find comfort in knowing that she still talks about you and will make sure Charlotte knows how cool you were. Thinking about you. Loving you. Missing you as always.
12-09-2007
Lou and I have been going thru some more testing. We finally re-visited my doctor, and he has run tests on both Lou and myself since it has been so long since we've been pregnant. We both have started medications/vitamins to try to increase our chances and will have the tests re-run again in a few weeks. We are finally getting information and answers as to why this has been so hard for us to be successfully pregnant. The odds are not in our favor, but we finally know what we are up against. It's taking a long time, but we have not given up yet. I'll update more once we get the next batch of test results. It will help us determine our next step. Thanks to those that still take the time to come here and visit our angel. It means so much to us!
***************01/19/2008***************
HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY PEANUT!
You're in my heart and thoughts today. Feel our love baby boy. Daddy and I miss you so much. I'm humming Happy Birthday to heaven.....
**********09-22-08**********
We are in the process of saving for in-vitro. Anyone who would like to send us lotto tickets, we'll give you a share if we win....we only need $18,000.00!
***************01/19/2009***************
Once again reflecting and taking myself back to the day of your birth. The realization that you would be a 7 year old today is shocking to me! The fact that you could be and should be celebrating your 7th birthday today makes me very sad. But once again am comforted knowing you are no longer hurting. Daddy and I carry the pain instead. Along with everyone else that loves you and misses you. I love you so very much sweet baby boy. Feel my hugs. My love. My kisses. My joy in being the special person picked to be your mommy. Happy 7th Birthday son.
**********5/8/09**********
So after being told we need fertility intervention, God decided he had another plan for us and we are blessed to say WE ARE EXPECTING AGAIN!!! We were shocked to find out that we naturally have done what doctors told us we couldn't! My due date is December 22, 2009 almost 8 years after Christopher's birth. So far this pregnancy is very different from the rest. I have not had any complications (1 day of very mild spotting that drs think was implantation) and that's it! No bleeding episodes. Last ultrasound we had we got to see and hear the heartbeat! Next appointment is in a week and a half. We are hopeful and excited, and scared and anxious. Please say a prayer that this one is 'the one'. That the little miracle in my belly will be healthy and strong! OMG IM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!! :)
********UPDATE********
Once again we have been forced to face the pain of another miscarriage. Identical to the last pregnancy, I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, and the baby stopped forming at 6 1/2 weeks. Lou and I aren't sure we can go through this again. This one was hard both emotionally and physically, but we are not making any decisions yet. Will let you know...
7/4/09 Missing you baby boy. Love you.
7/18/09
Today has been quite the day. We are moving to a new house, and of course went through every single baby item we had of yours along with tons of hand-me-downs. (today of all days!) It was a brutal, emotional day. We are having a garage sale and are selling the crib you never slept in, car seat your never rode in, high chair you never sat in, etc. We have only kept the most personal items of yours that are too hard to give up. Along with that we have gone through all the keepsakes of yours. Photos, documents, articles, birth & death certificates, cards while I was pregnant with you, and sympathy cards once you were gone. I have endured every raw emotion possible today. The good, the bad, the ugly. And what I am ending the day with is sweet memories of you. Once I'm done with this entry, I will visit your beautiful pictures and read your life story. While on a day-to-day basis, I'm fine, it's days like today that I am tested. I'll never forget how strong you were and know that if I'm only a fraction of that then I'll be just fine. Love you baby boy, now and forever. Rest in peace lil man.
10/21/09
Just stoppin by to say hi! Missing you! Visited your grave while on vacation in Ohio, but felt so much anger while I was there. Not sure what that was all about, but glad to see your resting place looking so nice. Thank you to my wonderful family members that take care of it while I'm in Texas.
12/25/09
MERRY CHRISTMAS BABY BOY! We thought about you alot yesterday and today. Imagining Christmas with a 7 year old boy!! Wow. Miss you. Love you angel baby.
1/14/10
Thinking of you daily. As your 8th birthday approaches I have a hard time imagining you as an 8 year old boy. In my heart you will always be my baby boy. I wonder what you would be like. How your little mind would work. What personality traits would make you who you are. I can imagine you as a spunky lil guy that doesn't give up or take no for an answer...just as you were as a baby. I wish I could have known you as an 8 year old, but still so thankful you are free from pain. Love, hugs, and kisses to you baby Christopher.
1/19/10
Happy Birthday little man. Love you so very much.
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